A good time for a repost of this one with show season in full swing! Also, I’ve been asked to blog about this topic, so I’m guessing it was missed.

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(I’ve been dying to make this point about horse show politics:  If your horse who usually gets excellent ribbons comes home empty-handed despite having good rides, that might be politics.  When your horse goes to five shows in a row and doesn’t do squat, it is time to accept that nothing unfair has taken place, you’re just not competitive.  Might be because of your horse’s quality, might be because of lack of training, might be because the two of you just aren’t clicking as a team yet.  But it’s not politics.)

Check out the picture below:

This is a cute horse, in good weight. No sign of anything but good care here, but he’s not at all ready for a horseshow!  He has rubbed out parts of his mane so that the length is all over the place, but the shortest part is actually perfectly fine for the pulled, banded mane he ought to have in this class.  How much prettier would his neck – obviously not his best feature – look if that effort had been made?  Shaggy fetlocks further detract from his appearance, and he has not been taught (or the exhibitor doesn’t know how) to square up so that he looks his best. 

The purple halter, well, I’ll cut enough slack to say that maybe it is a schooling show, in which case a casual halter is acceptable.  Would a leather halter look better, even without any decoration?  Absolutely. 

I’m the first one to object when anything cruel is done to a horse to give it the right look in the show ring.  Tail blocking is absolutely unacceptable in my book, as is plastic surgery of any kind, ginger, etc.  But clippers are a painless way to give a horse a neat appearance – it’s like bothering to shave before you go to a job interview if you’re a guy.  Why wouldn’t you?  Who wants to look scruffy when you are being judged? 

(I should note it is entirely possible this picture was taken at a foundation quarter horse show, which I think of as an un-show.  FQHA rules forbid things like clipping or nice tack or show clothes, so basically I don’t know what they are showing off. Not how well they ride, because they also forbid equitation or horsemanship classes.  I’m not sure what the reasoning is behind this.  It reminds me of spelling bees where no one wins because they do not want to make the losers feel bad.)

So what about all of you who want to get it right?  I often see people post to ask what they should know/do/wear at their first horse show.  They may be the parents of a child who wants to start showing, or adults who have decided they’d like to try something competitive with their horse.  Here are some tips if you’re in that position:

1.  Go to the type of show you want to compete at without your horse.  Take some notes about the classes, what people are wearing, what kind of tack they are using, and how the classes run.  Try to pick winners and see if you can tell what is impressing the judge(s). 

2.  Learn the rules.  Most open shows have the rules printed on the show bill.  A breed show will go by the breed association’s rules, almost always available online.  Shows approved by USEF (the United States Equine Federation) use their rules.  Take the rules seriously – the judges do, and you can and will be eliminated for things like the wrong bit, a martingale in a flat class, illegal spurs, etc.  Make sure you have all the paperwork you need – is your horse registered and in your name?  Do you need a Coggins test?  (FHOTD in: And with EHV-1, make sure the event is even taking place – CALL the day before!) Do you need an amateur card?  Nothing’s more disappointing than getting to a show and not being able to show because of a paperwork problem. 

3.  If you want to be original, go in the costume class.    In other classes, the more you look like everybody else out there, the better – particularly when you are learning.  Off the wall or unusual clothing or tack just draws attention to your mistakes. 

4.  If your horse is new to showing also, plan to take him to a show that you may not show at.  Just ride around the warm up ring and get him used to the sights and sounds.  Make sure he will not kick or otherwise misbehave in a crowd.  If you know kicking may be an issue, a red ribbon tied into his tail is a warning to other exhibitors to give you your space (and is often useful on horses that do not kick but are explosive to ride when someone rushes them from behind!)

5.  Be courteous to other exhibitors.  If your horse is higher than a kite, try to find a place to longe where you are not in others’ way – ask to see where it is okay to longe on that particular show grounds.  Longeing a bronc in the warm up ring will not make you popular.  Always give the right of way to beginners, small children, and driving horses pulling carts.  It is your job to stay out of their way.  At many shows, the warm up ring is required to go in one direction only, with riders asking for the whole ring to reverse when needed. If you see everybody going counter-clockwise, don’t just start going the other way.  And for heaven’s sake, be aware of who is around you. It is the height of bad manners to slam on the brakes and start backing up without looking to ensure no one is following you.  Come OFF the rail to “school.”  If you are jumping, always call your lines out – tell the rest of the arena what you are going to jump so they know to avoid you.   

6.  Even if you don’t normally ride full-time with a trainer, it is well worth it to have one help you at your first shows. You will feel so much better with a pro that you can ask for help, and they will help you learn the ropes.  Many trainers will be your trainer for the day for a price.  If you know that you are gonna freak out and forget how to tell your leads, it’s awesome to have someone on the rail giving you the nod that you got it right.  Well worth the $50 or so it will cost you. 

7. Don’t over-do it at your first show.  Yes, I know a lot of open shows have that special where you pay X price and can go in as many classes as you want.  That’s not for you if you or your horse is green to showing, and it’s not true that if you go in enough classes, eventually you’ll win a ribbon. More likely you’ll fry your horse’s brain and you’ll be super frustrated as well.  Go in one or two classes, the ones where you are matched against your peers in terms of ability and experience. Most shows have classes specifically for beginner teams - in particular, look for “maiden” classes at an open show, which are for horse/rider teams that have never won a first place ribbon.

In general, be under-zealous – if you’re jumping 3′ at home, the 2’3 division is just fine for your first show.  You want to have a successful experience.  It’s fine to make it “too easy” at first – you can and will work your way up!

8.  Keep it fun!  I particularly hate seeing kids stressed out about showing…at, like, age eight.  One way you can avoid that is to go to shows that offer some fun classes like egg & spoon, costume or musical sacks, and let the kid do something fun after the “work” of pleasure and equitation is over.  I’ve seen many a distraught child who didn’t get a ribbon earlier in the day win big in one of the fun games and wind up super excited and thrilled about showing.  The same goes for you, Mom – if your horse wouldn’t slow down in pleasure, maybe today’s the day you win the trotting barrels.  Have some fun, for heaven’s sake – remember, this is an expensive hobby that you do for fun! 

(I LOVE shows that have trotting speed classes. You can take your pleasure horses in them with no fear of “ruining” them and you don’t have to be a great rider to have fun in those classes!)

9.  Good sportsmanship is important and it’s your job if you’re the parent or trainer to set the example.  We had a previous blog where the trainer who owned a skinny horse that did not place because it was skinny told off the judge and all her lesson kids cheered her. I was appalled.  Good lord, grow the hell up and stop being a bad example.  First of all, the judge is well within his/her rights to knock you for condition.  Second of all, even if you think the judge has made a horrible decision, they’re the judge.   This is not our legal system and you do not get an appeal!  Will you meet judges you think are idiots?  OF COURSE.  So what you do is you write down the name and you do not go show under them again.  Say nothing but vote with your checkbook, and by all means, get involved in the show association yourself so that you get a vote when it comes to judge choices.  It is in much better taste to say “I think X, Y and Z are terrific judges and I hope we have them again next year,” than to say “My God, J was a freakin’ idiot.  How dare s/he place that lame fugly sack of shit over my horse?  Is s/he blind?” 

You can think it.  But as I have told people at work, not everything you think needs to come out of your mouth – at least not until you are in the truck on the way home!

Something I always hear is that open show judges only place stock type horses with level head sets.  Well, there is some truth to that – merely because a lot of open show judges are QH or Paint people.  Some can judge all breeds fairly - some can’t.  Either look for open shows that are judged by someone who personally owns or trains your breed of horse, or investigate moving into the breed shows with your horse.  One circuit that is beginner friendly and friendly to Saddleseat horses, Arab crosses, etc. is Pinto and you can register darn near anything Pinto breeding stock (seriously! look it up!).  They do NOT have to be spotted. 

10.  It is completely appropriate to ask the judge if s/he has any notes about your performance and how you can improve.  Just be courteous about when/how you ask.  Some judges will come up to you in the line-up and tell you about your performance – others will have to be sought out during breaks. 

What other advice would you offer to first time exhibitors?  Share your knowledge and help them make a good impression right from the start!

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P.S. Sorry to hear about your penis…

P.P.S. Epona TV, you guys are officially #WINNING for the line “Mr. Schmersal is not Mickey Mouse.”

C’mon Craig and your little lawyers…come get me. Can’t wait to send MY vet over to examine that poor little mare, and you do realize that I get to do that if you sue me, right? ‘Cause I’m saying on the record that I think you’re an abusive asshat and no one in their right mind should EVER let you on their horse.

(Big picture question: SERIOUSLY, when did reining horses get so fricken’ behind the bit? It’s ugly and it looks awful and it’s NOT reining. Reining horses are supposed to be relaxed on a loose rein, for fuck’s sake!)

And he gets a silver medal? For shame, judges. For shame.

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(FYI, if you’re not familiar with ginger, what they do is put it up the horse’s anus so that it burns and itches and the horse carries its tail higher as a result of the irritation. Lovely, huh?)

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I might be very unpopular for what Im about to post, but KUDOS to USEF. I am sick to death of competing with LIARS, CHEATS and THIEVES. It’s about time people are held accountable for their actions. Some of us are friends with these people, the CHEATING MUST STOP.

This is official notice of actions taken by the United States Equestrian Federation, Inc. Hearing Committee on January 31, 2011.

SANDRO PINHA of Cave Creek, AZ, violated Rule AR101.5 of this Federation, in connection with the Scottsdale Arabian Horse Show held on February 11-21, 2010, in that SANDRO PINHA, as trainer, exhibited the horse BINT CHALL CE after it had been administered and/or contained on its body 6-gingerol. For this violation of the rules, the Hearing Committee members present directed that SANDRO PINHA be censured pursuant to Chapter 7, GR703.1a and fined $2,000 pursuant to Chapter 7, GR703.1j. It was further directed that CHARLES and ERIN HANSEN of Mantorville, MN, as owners, must return for redistribution all trophies, prizes, ribbons, and monies, if any, won by BINT CHALL CE at said competition and must pay a $300 fee to the competition in connection with this penalty pursuant to Chapter 7, GR703.1g.

DAVID BOGGS of Elk River, MN, violated Rule AR101.5 of this Federation, in connection with the Scottsdale Arabian Horse Show held on February 11-21, 2010, in that DAVID BOGGS, as trainer, exhibited the horse LD PISTAL after it had been administered and/or contained on its body 6-gingerol. For this violation of the rule, the Hearing Committee members present directed that DAVID BOGGS be censured pursuant to Chapter 7, GR703.1a and fined $2,000 pursuant to Chapter 7, GR703.1j. It was further directed that FELIX CANTU of Scottsdale, AZ and Rogers, MN, as owner, must return for redistribution all trophies, prizes, ribbons, and monies, if any, won by LD PISTAL at said competition and must pay a $300 fee to the competition in connection with this penalty pursuant to Chapter 7, GR703.1g.

(FHOTD in: If that name sounds familiar, re-read this blog entry. Folks, as I often say, I do not make this shit up!)

SILVIO MORAES of Boerne, TX, violated Rule AR101.5 of this Federation, in connection with the Scottsdale Arabian Horse Show held on February 11-21, 2010, in that SILVIO MORAES, as trainer, exhibited the horse PSABER after it had been administered and/or contained on its body 6-gingerol. For this violation of the rules, the Hearing Committee members present directed that SILVIO MORAES be censured pursuant to Chapter 7, GR703.1a and fined $2,000 pursuant to Chapter 7, GR703.1j. It was further directed that STEFANIE POOLE of Shingle Springs, CA, as owner, must return for redistribution all trophies, prizes, ribbons, and monies, if any, won by PSABER at said competition and must pay a $300 fee to the competition in connection with this penalty pursuant to Chapter 7, GR703.1g.
This is official notice of actions taken by the United States Equestrian Federation, Inc. Hearing Committee on February 1, 2011

You three exhibitors ought to be ASHAMED of yourselves having to CHEAT to try to win. Good grief it’s just a goddam ribbon. Have some class. Get there on the horses’ merits, not by CHEATING. CHEATERS.

You CHEATERS CHEATED owners and trainers who paid the SAME amount as your clients, who likely did it LEGITIMATE, you guys are assholes for cheating someone out of THEIR moment.

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Can I just get a big AMEN from the choir? You know, when I was a horse crazy teenager, I really liked Arabians. As a young woman, I took a little time off from polo and decided to go work at an Arabian show barn. Basically, I was horrified. Here are some of the things I saw:

1) Horses wearing padded shoes with holes in them so that you could string surgical tubing through them as an action enhancing device. The pads were pulled just before the classes, in a covered stall at the horseshow by the assistant trainer.

2) Horses always getting this shot, that shot, tails gingered, etc. I see nothing has changed in over twenty years since I did this.

3) Nothing EVER got turned out until it was part of the broodmare band.

4) Horses longed half to death in extreme heat with neck sweats.

5) No matter what was really going on, major smoke blown up the owners’ asses about how perfect their horse was. Owners were never informed about any problem or concern, not ever.

Needless to say, this was not my cup of tea and I was quite horrified at all of the violations of the rules. I never have been good at shutting the fuck up, either, and I quit after a few weeks.

I am sort of thinking we need to just give my friend a camera and make a TV show out of it. She can run around the shows catching these fucktards gingering tails, giving shot after shot of god only knows what to their poor horses, etc. Put THAT on RFD-TV instead of the bad trainers giving worse advice that it usually features!

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When I got to the part about the half-chaps and the velvet collar, I almost died laughing. Who has not met this person? They show up at a show with a horse they can’t ride, turned out in a manner that wouldn’t pass muster at 4-H. They are not in control; in fact, they are a hazard to other riders. They scoff at the idea that their horse needs professional training and instead brag that they are doing it all themselves because they have such a wonderful bond with their horse (who is running around on the wrong lead, bucking). Or they have exactly the trainer described in the video. And then, when they do not get a ribbon for exactly the reasons described in the video, they run around saying it’s all politics.

I’ve made this point before on the blog: Very rarely is it truly politics. Sure, I’ve seen politics in action (big name barn getting a ribbon when the kid DID have refusals — and honestly, I’m not even sure if that was politics or just human error with numbers), but most of the time, if you’re at the bottom of the class, most of us watching saw exactly why. Showing doesn’t exist to make you feel good about yourself and your horse. It exists to reward those who work hard to achieve an excellent ride, and at the higher levels, the quality of the horse becomes a factor. At your local levels, the fact is that you can win an awful lot with an unspectacular horse if you work your butt off making sure you are an awesome, consistent team. I have had under-$1000 rescue horses beat very pricy horses at the unrated shows and I’m sure many other people have had that experience. But that takes work…they didn’t go to the show in the condition I got them, either physically or behaviorally.

One thing the video missed mentioning is equine condition. Doesn’t it seem like at every local show, there is at least one horse that looks hideous? Either they are way too thin, to the point where you want to call animal control on them, or they are grossly obese, to the point where you are afraid they will not make it around the arena at a jog. Some folks really need to read this particular blog:

Whoever made the video is absolutely spot on – when you show up unprepared, untrained, out of control and looking like the equine edition of People of Walmart, you are not going to get a ribbon, and it is not the judge’s fault. The judge is a horse professional and it’s true that not all judges are equally talented (duh!) and it may also be true that the judge may have some preferences that are not your trainer’s preferences or last week judge’s preferences. But this is the nature of the game you have freely chosen to participate in. If you do talk to the judge to get input on your ride, please be polite and respectful and don’t argue or try to defend yourself. You just paid this person to critique you — don’t make them sorry for doing their job. If your horse wins under every other judge, and this particular judge hated him, and you had the same ride you always do, and the same horses were in the class, hey, that sucks but sometimes those are the breaks. More likely, your horse or you truly weren’t as good today as the horses who took home the ribbons. If that is happening every time, and you truly don’t know why (and your trainer cannot tell you why except to cry “politics!”), it’s time to haul out discreetly for a lesson with another trainer or two and see if perhaps the flawed opinion stalling your show career is your trainer’s and not the judge’s. Sometimes even a very talented trainer can just plain miss something, or fail to find a way to explain something to you in a way that allows you to correct it.

So don’t be the person in the video — be a grown-up, accept the criticism you paid for, save your bitching for the truck on the way home if you must vent, and come on back and do it again and again. That’s the only way you ultimately start papering your wall with ribbons!

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Good lord, you two have done a GREAT job fucking up a three year old filly. She looks like she is having an epileptic seizure. Her ass is tracking a foot to the inside of her front end, her head is bobbing like she’s shit-faced drunk and her neck has stopped functioning, and her head is at her knees, if not lower. What part of COMPLETELY WRONG is eluding you two? Did you get locked in a room around 1990 and no one has let you out since?

(And while we are at it, OMG, the “nest” on that palomino paint shown here is especially hideous. Do not EVER breed that critter. Yuck.)

Allan, Julie, do you know how I saw this video? It’s because half of my friends’ list on Facebook is sharing it around as an example of everything that is wrong in the Western Pleasure world. And honestly, I don’t even think that’s fair because almost no one is still doing this ridiculous shit to horses. It’s just a handful of you that really cannot ride your way out of a paper bag and can’t even come close to training a horse properly that turn out horses that go like this. This filly’s way of going says EVERY GIMMICK, TRAINING AID AND SHORTCUT ON EARTH HAS BEEN USED ON ME. It’s obvious.

I know I’m preaching to the choir here, but if I showed a bunch of non-horsepeople a video of jumping or an endurance ride or polo or barrel racing, they would get it and think it might look like fun, but if I showed them this video, I guarantee you that the common reaction would be “OMG, what is wrong with that horse?” AQHA has actually been trying to get away from this weird and wrong way of going and this truly is NOT what is winning anymore at the big shows, but I guess Allan and Julie (and sadly, plenty more) have not gotten the memo. All I can think about when I watch this is the text from the main page of Stop Making that Duckface! – “Stop doing it. You look stupid. Really, REALLY stupid.”

Amen. Poor filly. Don’t you just want to steal her and send her to a nice normal trainer? I know I do!

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Three Indicted in Chattanooga for Soring Horses

I really have to ask…are you that stupid? The USDA has been on your asses for years about soring. You know your horses are going to be inspected. Are you (a) so arrogant you think you won’t get caught, or won’t get in trouble, (b) so greedy you will take your chances or (c) just plain STUPID on top of cruel?

Which is it?

Here is the actual indictment for your viewing pleasure.

For those of you who don’t yet know about soring, here is some information on it:

Soring is something that happens when winning is everything and no one gives a shit about the horses. Here are some show results so that you can see the names of Barney’s clients, who do not give a shit about their horses:

Billy and Audrey Quarles, apparently you don’t, either. But HEY you got a BIG TROPHY! We all know that is way more important than your horse’s happiness or ability to live a pain-free existence.

Here is Lynn Dropka bragging about her show wins and claiming Barney never abused her horses. My ass, he didn’t. Lynn says “We need to try and remember he has a family to support and trying to destroy him and his name isnt helping his children any.” Um, lady, by that logic, we shouldn’t put anyone in jail no matter what they do because that isn’t helping their family any. Actually, if he treats his children like his horses, maybe it WOULD be helping them to put his dumb redneck ass in a cell.

On that same forum, someone describes Barney’s behavior at shows: “I been good and not commented on the matter but horseman1965 he don’t always win especially when usda shows up he throws horses in trailer and takes off.” Uh-huh. Yes, we know. That’s what they all do. USDA shows up and 70 or 80 percent of the competitors turn tail and run like the scummy rats that they are. Guess what, folks, if your trainer ever turned tail and RAN at the sight of the USDA, they ARE abusing your horses.

I am not surprised about Barney and his cohorts but I do think it’s time owners were held legally accountable. Sorry, but I do not buy the pleas of ignorance, because I have been in not-so-great show barns and I know how it works. You come in all bright and innocent and bushy-tailed and, over time, people talk you into the abuse and convince you it’s normal. When I was young and stupid, I got talked into snapping on horses’ faces and spurring the fuck out of them and tying them around for hours. Whose fault was that? MINE, for being spineless, easily led and wanting to be liked by the Big Cool Trainer. I pulled my head out of my ass early in my 20s and stopped doing all of that after I discovered, hey, you could go to the hunter-jumper shows and be nice to your horses and still win. (And yes, I have now seen that you can create a stock breed pleasure horse in an abuse-free way, too). But I’m just saying, I’ve been there – I’ve been that owner/non-pro that got convinced abusive crap was normal, and I know how it works. I was not ignorant of what was going on and neither are most of these people. It’s time responsibility for abuse-free training was placed equally on the heads of the trainers and the owners.

As always when I mention this topic – kudos to Friends of Sound Horses for their absolutely tireless work in convincing owners of gaited breed horses that there is another, better way. You guys rock and the horses owned by your supporters are lucky!

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