Strangers with candy: Less dangerous than creepers with ponies!
Dec 10 2010
There is nothing more appealing to kids than horses. Few little girls don’t go through the horsey phase and, most of the time, the horsey phase involves no worse result than growing into a horse poor adult with a constant, vague smell of manure floating around them.
Unfortunately, every once in a while some sicko realizes that the horse biz is a great place to have unrestricted access to tons of unsupervised children and teenagers. And then you have a situation like this:
Police Searching for Suspected Sex Offender
I’m gonna take a shot in the dark and guess that I wouldn’t like his horse training methods if I saw him, either. Any of you Wisconsinites familiar with the pervert? I’d love to hear more of the story here.
Of course it brings up a much larger issue – how trusting should you be of the horse professionals you leave your child with? It’s true that sexual predators, like con artists, can fool the best of us, but I’m surprised when parents are blindly trusting. Don’t drop your kids off – stay for lessons and learn a little more about the people at the barn. Check out state court records to make sure no one has a history of violent behavior or sexual misconduct — often they are online and free! Google, for heaven’s sake – sure, there are untrue things on the Internet and you have to take it all with a grain of salt, but ten different bad experiences probably point to a problem.
What do you think? How much “due diligence” is appropriate before you leave your kid at a riding stable or horse camp?
If you’re Christmas shopping for a new friend, check out Jupiter at Mid-Atlantic Horse Rescue. What a beautiful face and a kind eye!
117 comments to “Strangers with candy: Less dangerous than creepers with ponies!”
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment. Not a member? Registering is free, and you do it here!
At the facility I worked at, parents of minors were required to stay while their children were riding. This was partly an insurance issue, but also common sense. If some sort of emergency goes down, even one that does not involve the child, the coach or trainer or whatever has to take care of far too many things to also be worrying about the safety of a minor. This way, control of the minor goes back to the parents and the professional can deal with his or her own issues (injured horse, other rider, fire, etc.).
And not just kids. I have an educated adult friend who stopped in at a local breeders to borrow a girth before her show. She ended up getting cornered in a stall in his barn and wasn’t sure that she was going to be able to get away from him – and he was a friend of hers! How many adult women go happily skipping off to meet the trainer, the breeder selling them a horse, the trainer, the farrier, the vet, the feed and hay delievery man, the hired man, the list is endless. But with kids, there is no excuse for not keeping a close eye on them and doing a little research on who you are leaving them with first. And, parents teach you kids the signs they should look.
Yeah, I got cornered in a stall once by a particularly icky guy who I believe is long out of polo now. Fortunately I was 18 at the time and way faster and fitter than he was!
If my farrier cornered me, well, I’d be ok with that. He’s HOT.
No offense to anyone! I’ve been in bad situations, and know it’s not really a joking matter. But he is hot…
Had a terrifying experience at 14 that ended horribly, so I know this is not a laughing matter – maybe that is why I was such an overprotective parent. That being said – how come I never had a HOT shoer? I’ve always had great professionals who took wonderful care of my horses, but not the kind that fantasies are made of…
I know of a really hot one in Portland, Oregon if anyone is looking…LOL!
I think, I’m going to be an over-protective parent till my baby girl (8months now) is 30 years old lol . I just couldn’t imagine it anyother way right now… hubby, of course is going to be wary of ANY boy that shows up on our door step. Rather that she was interested in horses and riding than boys honestly… thankfully thats years away…
As a precocious 13-year-old I used to get hit on all the time around horses. I just blew it off – times were different back then. Usually it was older men who rode, but once it was a guy who offered me a job cleaning stalls, once it was a paramedic at a show, and once it was a farrier.
The guys who cleaned stalls were all perverts, but they were mostly teenagers and we expected that.
Was I in any real danger? I don’t think so – I did hear about a rape at a horse show once, but that was an older woman who was raped by a trainer, and there was some controversy about whether it was a consensual thing that turned into a rape accusation when he broke up with her or a real rape.
Would I let my kids do the same thing, run around with horses mostly unsupervised from the crack of dawn until dusk? Well… that would depend on the kid. We did some crazy stupid things. And the boys who cleaned the stalls really were a bad lot. One of them talked a lot about sacrificing animals to Satan in the woods. Pretty sure he was just trying to shock us, but still. NONE of the barn workers had any sort of background check – one, who was actually a lovely person, turned out to be AWOL from the Navy – and several of them were felons. People EXPECTED them to be felons, because the only reason a grown man would work for nothing cleaning stalls was that he couldn’t get a real job.
It seems to me the most important thing is to safety-proof your kid. The kid should know what a dangerous situation looks like, what the limits to reasonable conversations and requests are.
Considering that the overwhelming majority of children who are molested are molested by their own fathers, kids are at least as safe at a barn with a bunch of felons as they are in their own homes…
Actually, statistics show that 68% of molesters abuse “children in the family” which includes children they parent (meaning their own children and/or step-children), nieces, nephews and grandchildren.
It is fairly spread across those children, so it is not specifically a fathers own biological child.
Just sayin’
Horse camp, riding stables how’s that any difference than church camp, or any after school sport? Your gonna find perverts and sicko’s where ever you go.
I’m always more concerned with all the rumors and stories you always hear about trainers who knock up there late teen/college age students and the other students or parents who then blindly look the other way.
I went to high school with a girl who was involved with her trainer…as a matter of fact, I believe they eventually got married. Saddlebred world.
I guess I am a strange parent. I never “dropped” my kids off at any barn or camp when they were small. In fact none of them went to a camp until they were teenagers, mostly because they never wanted to go. We had lots to keep us busy I guess. As far as barns went, if they were having a lesson, either I, their father or my in-laws were with them watching. I preferred to go, not because I didn’t trust the staff, but because I wanted to learn and see what they were being taught. If you don’t know what the instructor is focusing on or teaching, you can’t help your child when they are practicing at home. I learned just as much watching the lessons as I did taking my own lessons! We were very lucky to have the ability to have our trainer/instructor come to our farm to give lessons – eliminating many many concerns.
I guess I don’t know what due diligance is – for others to pass muster. My thought always was, these are my children, they are my responsibility and if something happened to them and I wasn’t there when I could have been, I would never forgive myself. As a former social worker, I am quite untrusting I suppose. My children were taught about stranger danger and good touch bad touch as soon as they could understand, but that doesn’t prevent abuse from happening. My biggest concern would be the staff turn over. You may do research on the BO, Trainers and Instructors but barn staff does turn over regularly – how can you keep up on all of that? I do think personal referrences are most important – and to go watch, see with your own eyes. If things don’t feel right, if you aren’t comfortable – then go – there are always other options.
Just for safety reasons and any emergency that may arise from the ‘inherent risk of equine activities’, I did not allow any minors to be dropped off during lessons (back when I taught). I only held summer camps twice and did not care for the group ‘all day’ activity planning. I have done a few clinics but usually, to my knowledge the parents either were present on the sidelines or a club/farm manager/trainer, etc, was also present. I trained my daughter and always attended any outside training sessions she went to as I had to trailer the mount too. It amazes me how many parents I did see dropping kids at barns especially at horse shows. I can’t imagine how much guilt someone would carry with them over an incident like this. Terrible and I hope he’s caught soon.
Hi – First time commenting, but just had to say – Never, ever leave your kids alone with ANYONE you don’t personally know. It doesn’t matter that you might think they’re okay because they’re involved with horses or that you’re paying them.
You should do at least as much due diligence as you would for a day care or babysitter. More would be a good idea just due to the physical danger involved. Problem is, you have those parents who are just glad to dump their kids off somewhere, get some time away from them, and let someone else be responsible for them, and they’re not going to do as much checking anyway.
I realize that since I am not a parent this is probably very easy for me to say, but in actuality it does not really pan out…
…. but…. I don’t think you should leave your kids unsupervised, period.
The barn isn’t a day care center. I’ve always felt that way, and when I used to ride at a barn that had a pretty large lesson group of age 15 and under, I was always more than just a little miffed at the parents who would dump their kids at the barn for the duration of their lesson and part of the day and pick them up later. It isn’t the trainer’s (or anyone else’s responsibility) to watch your kids.
Just for the pure fact that your kid could fall off, get kicked, or otherwise be injured or maimed, you should be there.
Of course, this *is* coming from a horse crazy girl who’s parents *never went to the barn* anyway. Except when I was too young to drive and my dad would just sit in the car.
Personally, if I was a mother, I’d be more than just a little leery of *any* man (or boy) of any age being around my daughter (especially when she’s wearing tight riding breeches and you can see her underwear line).
http://www.kshai1715.wordpress.com
A Barrel Horse Learns to Jump
- looking for input about a book I’m trying to get published, too – about buying horses for novice horse people- love to know thoughts!
I agree! And I think it’s true for ANY sport, not just riding. There have been plenty of sexual abuse cases around hockey, swimming, gymnastics, skating… and probably most other sports.
Don’t think that just because the coach is the same sex as your child makes them any safer, either.
Personally I just don’t think children under a certain age should be left at a barn unsupervised, period, even if the trainer or barn owner is a well trusted friend. There are just too many ways kids can get hurt, or cause someone else to get hurt when they are screaming and goofing off.
When I was a scout leader there was a boy in our den who had been sexually molested by a neighbor boy who was only three years older than he was (he was 6 at the time, the molester was 9). It can happen anywhere – you can never be too careful with your kids.
I’m not sure whether you’re implying that parents need to be there the whole time, for each and every lesson. I firmly believe that kids having their own time to think their own thoughts, and run around and get dirty away from parents, is extremely desirable and most kids don’t get enough of that these days. I know I’m glad I was raised that way!
Think about whether your own parents hovered over you like a helicopter when they sent you off to riding lessons… if it wasn’t necessary then, it isn’t necessary now, because crime rates have gone down and sexual offenders are being watched more and more like hawks (even if they’re not really sexual offenders, but was a 15 year old having consenting sex with a 15 year old girlfriend…).
Frankly, destroying any chance of your kid learning responsibility, independence and thinking by being a helicopter parent to try and eliminate the extremely remote possibility that your child will encounter a bad person is NOT WORTH IT, not to mention instilling a fear in your child that EVERY person in the world is terrible. The best defence is actually to teach your kids to stand up for themselves, to recognise what bad behaviour is, to put a stop to it by screaming or kicking or punching or biting, and to run and tell a trustworthy adult. The best way reaction a kid can have to a flasher is to point and laugh, and to forget about it and skip merrily home, knowing that if the flasher does anything more there are friends and neighbours everywhere who can run to help with a single yell.
The free range kids philosophy is one that should be fully embraced, to ensure that kids grow up into capable adults.
So, to answer the question: how much due diligence should be taken? Exactly the same amount as on whether to take kids to a Christmas dinner where extended family will be present (cousins, second cousins, aunts and uncles). These are the people who are more likely to encounter your kids in private situations, and your kids will be less likely to speak out for fear of the “Aunt Sally? No way she can be doing that, she’s FAMILY! You must be lying, you bad child!” response.
See, that’s the thing. Someone further up the thread used the phrase “stranger danger.” Well, in truth abuse by a stranger is the rarest category of child sexual abuse. It’s so terrifying when a child vanishes while walking home and is later found dead, etc., that it gets a disproportionate amount of media coverage, but it has NEVER been common, and it’s less common today than in the past.
The single person most likely to harm your child is the person you are married to. Fathers, and mother’s boyfriends account for an overwhelming majority of all cases of child sexual abuse. Often when confronted these mothers will do everything in their power to protect their relationship with the abuser and throw the child to the wolves. And you don’t see a bunch of public awareness commercials telling moms to be aware that daddy might be a sex abuser, to teach the child not to let daddy touch them in bad ways, and to listen if the child tells them about daddy – no one wants to go there. Instead what we get is hysterical newspaper articles about boy scout coaches and horse trainers, preachers, and teachers.
Not that those dangers aren’t also real. Well, yes, a large number of men who make it a career to work unsupervised with children are perverts. There’s a reason for that – they go where they can find victims. So pay attention and be aware. And for heaven’s sake DON’T “trust your feelings.” Your feelings are stupid. That is the most important thing you can learn, if you learn anything. I’m going to repeat that, because probably most of you reading don’t like it and just stopped paying attention. YOUR INSTINCTS ARE STUPID. Don’t trust them. If I had a dollar for every person who said, “Oh, I never would have guessed that nice, handsome, personable married man with no police record and a great standing in the community would sodomize a little girl and bite chunks out of her,” well, it would be more money than I made as a social worker for that little girl, trust me.
We like to think our instincts are great, because it makes us feel in charge. OUR daughter won’t get raped because we are so smart we can tell a pervert by the way he acts. Well, an awful lot of people couldn’t tell that the extremely popular and not-at-all creepy priest or boyfriend or whoever was a pervert. You do NOT have better instincts than all those people. You are not ESP mom with the magic pervert detector built into your nose.
If you really want to protect your child, the best way is not by being a helicopter parent but by having a relationship with your child where the child talks and you pay attention and then you actually DO SOMETHING based on what the child says, instead of blowing it off because really, filing a police report would make all the other people in the community not like you anymore. Reading these comments nearly makes my head explode because everyone is so darned concerned about the welfare of the children, and I know from experience that if there were a real child in danger, everyone would be just as quick to look the other way and not make waves.
I agree that “stranger danger” is a bad thing to teach. And I agree that biological daddy, or “new” daddy can be the perpetrator. But don’t forget uncle, grandpa, neighbor, teacher, coach, etc. It is NOT always baby daddy/ new daddy. But it is almost ALWAYS someone you know/trust.
I’d think you’d know this as a social worker. (And obviously there are female abusers in all these categories as well.)
Also, just for fun, statistically proven fact: a pregnant woman is more likely to die at the hands of the fetus’ biological father, than from anything relating to pregnancy/birth.
Sick.
You and I are each apparently quoting a slightly different set of statistics. Regardless, you have a valid point – after dad, grandpa or another close relative is most likely to abuse a child. Women abusers are a whole nother kettle of fish entirely, and I don’t have as much personal experience with them. I do know that recent studies have found that female perps may make up as much as 25% of abusers of teenage males. However, considering that the overwhelming majority of horse crazy kids are girls, it seems likely to be a rare situation around horses.
It’s relatively easy to “be there” without hovering.
When I took lessons my mom was there for the vast majority of them, and usually her and the other moms/dads sat on the porch of my instructor’s house (her smaller arena was right behind the house) where they could see their kids riding, and talked over iced tea or coffee. Some people would bring a paper or a book, and some might come over closer to the fence where some stump seats were if their child was doing something specific.
It was hardly hovering, but they were still there, if needed (and my instructor required it, I believe).
At my other lesson facility they had a large ‘lodge’ (they rented the place for corporate parties) that had huge windows that looked out on the arena, in addition to the porch and some bleachers they used for shows further in. Most parents moved around between those depending on what was going on. Some stayed in their cars, but at least they were still around in the event of an emergency.
I was still raised with a lot of freedom and alone time. But I got that at my house, or among my friends, until I got a little older.
I mean, consider a barn fire. Everyone needs to leave the property. What does your minor kid do? Probably goes with someone else. Who? The trainer? They’re probably busy. Another parent? Do you even know them? If your kid doesn’t have a cell phone, you’re at the mercy of that other parent to call you and tell you they have your kid (or even that a fire happened, because again, the trainer is likely to be very busy trying to save horses and deal with the firemen).
Vs if your child is 16 and has a car, they can remove themselves from the situation and let you know what happened.
I don’t think kids need to be monitored completely 100% and I do think a lot of it depends on the maturity/intelligence of the particular child – but even the cleverest little 12 year old can’t sprout wings and fly away from that barn fire. Is it a rare situation? Yes. But it’s still to be considered. At least meet and get to know some of the parents who do show up if you can’t, and have your kid know who’s supposed to have them in an emergency.
That “if you can’t” sounded kind of mean, and it wasn’t intended. There are times you just can’t be there, I do realize that (like I said, my mom did miss some lessons).
And no, I am not a parent (and not planning on it for a while) but it’s not that hard to consider the possibilities/situations.
It’s hardly hovering over the child unless you’re a ‘rail yeller’ and try to interject during a lesson. I’m amazed that parents dropped kids off and picked them up later whether a training session or a show. It’s not just sex predators but who’s going to give permission to EMT’s and the hospital staff should an accident happen? Every lesson every time…just like your helmet. Riding a horse or any other physical sport is very risky and prone to injury. You can sign those waivers and designate the trainer as ‘emergency caretaker’ until your hand falls off and they don’t mean a darn thing to the EMT, paramedic, clinic, judge, insurance underwriter or doctor staff. My daughter rode an absolute packer of a pony I trained while she was a junior and she still had a severe crash at one point (her fault, not the pony’s). Because of the risk of spinal cord damage they life flighted her to a hospital with a trauma team. 6 hours later she walked out of the hospital with some ligament damage and a concussion. Had I not been there she would have been tied to that back board a lot longer while they sorted out who could make certain decisions. And this might be a long shot too but once at a show we were stabled in the temporary barns (those big circus tents with metal stalls). All the kids were braiding and it seemed all the adults were off elsewhere. A tornado came through and I took all the kids and huddled in an empty stall while the poles and guidelines to the roof violently kept lifting and pounding down. That was some scary crap and over very fast but certainly not predicted. Just another oddball example of why you shouldn’t drop your kid at the show grounds or lesson barn.
This makes me SICK! People who harm children, animals or the elderly — in short, those who cannot defend themselves — should NOT be allowed to breathe our air. They need to be locked up in an air-tight room.
I know the man is innocent until proven guilty, but if the charges turn out to be true, he needs to be removed from society.
Speaking as a former high school teacher of many years, SOMEONE in this man’s early past — a teacher, a neighbor, a relative, SOMEONE — noticed his odd behavior and may very well have reported it. My guess is, if he’s walking around today, whatever authority figure got the report chose to ignore it.
I can remember reporting students who exhibited behaviors that were indicative of deep psychological problems. Some students tortured small animals, others threatened to kill me. IN EACH CASE I was told by the administrator I reported to that I was “over-reacting” (and believe me, I was NOT the type of teacher who reported students for not bringing a pencil and paper to class or for being late. I took care of most disciplinary issues myself). The ONLY time these students were dealt with correctly was when they pulled the same sh*t with the administrator. Threaten to kill the teacher? I’M over-reacting. Threaten to kill the vice principal? Kid is expelled before the next bell rang.
As I said, my guess is this guy, if he’s guilty, never pulled any sh*t with an administrator. He was smart enough to keep his mouth shut and his “junk” in his pants until he was 18 and that way he didn’t have anything on his record. If he DID do anything as a juvenile, his records were sealed (another part of “it takes a village” that really pisses me off because it takes away ALL aspects of “personal responsibility”).
I always stay for lessons when my kids are involved. Mainly just because I ride and like to watch them ride, but I honestly never thought about predators targeting kids at stables or shows. Way creepy! I grew in the Wisconsin horse scene, but this guy’s face doesn’t ring a bell.
Sad to think we have to talk to our kids about this stuff and protecting themselves when they go take riding lessons. I’m going to teach my kids the self defense uses of pitchforks and other stable equipment.
When I was a kid, we were dropped off at the barn in the morning and picked up in the evening. It never occurred to my parents that there could be a pedophile hanging around a place known for unattended 12-year-old girls. There was, of course. I imagine it’s not entirely uncommon, since pedophiles are crafty and know where to find what they’re looking for.
If I had a daughter who was into horses, I would know exactly what to look for at the stable. Any (probably unmarried) “straight” adult male, maybe between the ages of 25 and 40, who comes to the barn alone, especially one who isn’t an experienced rider (maybe leasing a horse at the stable), and spends more time socializing than riding is a red flag. He’ll probably be friendly with everybody, but it should be pretty clear to the barn owner/manager if this guy is spending too much time hanging out with the little girls. Normal adult men do not generally spend a great deal of time socializing with preteen or teenage girls. Red alert is when he is giving them gifts, asking them personal questions (“Do you have a boyfriend?”), or taking them places (like out to lunch).
It’s not fair to suspect every man at a barn of being a child molester, so I would urge people to be careful before pointing fingers. Chances are there are no pedophiles at your child’s barn. But don’t be careless. If your child is going to be left on her own a lot at the barn, it would be well worth boarding somewhere with an owner/manager who is a “mother hen.” This way you know at least someone will keep an eye on your child and let you know if something odd is going on. The safest thing is probably to have your child use the buddy system. I always went to the barn with my best friend.
My guess is that, statistically speaking, the drive to the barn is more dangerous than the guys at the barn. I loved the freedom I had as a kid spending all day with my horse. It would be a shame to lose that because of creeps like this guy.
BZZT! Wrong answer!
How about a happily married 60-year-old grandfather, with a long history of sponsoring classes at A shows, known for helping work the gate at shows, and considered a kindly and trustworthy father figure always on hand to help a young exhibitor with broken tack or a number that’s come untied?
That was probably the main pervert all of us kids knew to watch out for. We made jokes about him constantly. I have no idea whether he ever succeeding in molesting a child, but probably, yeah, if there was a girl who was lonely with low esteem and lack of parental support, she would have fallen into his trap. And we kids told tons of people, only to have our comments dismissed. He was a retired surgeon with a buttload of money.
That’s your profile for a successful child abuser. What you say you think you know to look for is a load of horse manure.
Oh. My. God. That was my first comment on this blog, a blog I read a lot and really like. This will be my last comment.
I did not say the age group I described was the ONLY thing to look for. Your reading comprehension skills could use a brush up. I was saying that’s what I would look for first (based on my experience with my own barn molester), and did not say I would not look for anything else or anyone else. I gave a ballpark age as to who might show up at a barn to lease a horse and hang out with little girls. Could be a 60-year-old grandfather, sure, could be a 20-year-old kid. But most commonly, I’d say no. In fact, as you should know, most kids are molested by a family member or a family friend and not a stranger at a barn.
Regardless, you’re a jerk. What’s the point of moderating these comments if something that abusive gets through? Bite me.
You know, I really don’t care what you think of me as long as you THINK. You said you “know exactly what to look for.” Well – you don’t. Your profile does not match any reality outside your own mind. It’s this sort of being certain you know things you don’t which really puts real children in real danger.
Your comment is dangerous. The danger is that someone would read it and think you knew what you were talking about and then a REAL PERSON could get hurt.
But hey, what’s more important, real people getting hurt, or your feelings getting hurt by someone correcting you in public?
Oh… and statistically… your guess is pretty bad. One in four girls will be molested by an older relative or other person in position of authority before the age of eighteen. There are a lot of serious car wrecks, but not THAT many. It’s not just a theoretical danger that never really happens to most people.
Gosh, that sort of attitude is disgraceful. Young men, really, they’re the scum of the earth now? As if young women, or older children, or middle age men or women, or grandparents and grandmothers NEVER molest. And heaven forbid a guy hasn’t been raised to be socially repressed, or is gay, or for any other reason enjoys gossiping with girls, or feels he’s friends with them enough to go out for an icecream together after a ride on a hot day. Instant molestation stamp on his forehead, courtesy of you!
I’m sure there are guys out there who do this for the sole reason of getting a chance to molest a young child, but that’s no reason to be suspicious of all of them. If anything, I’d be inherently more suspicious of the ‘mother hen’ character, who is actively establishing long-term “I’m a nice person to everyone, so if you say anything bad against me everyone will think you are WRONG” scenario. Crazy? EXACTLY! Stop being so mistrustful of every human being and teach your child to recognise bad behaviour, and then allow them to enjoy normal relationships with all sorts of ordinary, decent human beings.
My son is an only child (an adult now – YEAH!). I have been told by a lot of people – including his dad, and his step dad, and my coworkers, that I was very overprotective. Maybe, but I would have no sooner left that boy with a stranger for riding lessons, than I would have abandoned him on a doorstep. I always knew where he was and who he was with and where they were going and what they were doing. I bought him a cell phone when he was 12 and I checked in with him OFTEN. If I couldn’t get in touch with him, I would go looking for him. When he joined the Cub Scouts, I joined as a leader and I went to all of the overnight events. I was a team mom when he was on the snowboarding team and drove him and all of his friends to practices and competitions for his full 4 years of HS. I didn’t date for the longest time after I divorced his dad because I did not want to chance bringing a strange man into my house and find out too late he was a perv. If my son went to a friends house I always met the parents first and always verified that a parent was home before he went over there. Overprotective? Maybe. But he is a healthy, happy, productive adult, instead of a statistic. I do not believe you can be TOO careful with your kids safety.
I know that bad things can happen to kids who have caring and attentive parents. My heart really goes out to any child who ends up in these bad situations.
My mom was overprotective too…and btw, I’m still alive in my 40′s. That’s what I say to that!
I do not think you are an overprotective mother, I think you are pretty normal!
Our kids all went off to Pony Club camp and we never gave it a second thought, but that was twenty five/thirty years ago and things were a bit different then.
The youngest even went to three day camp and she was seven at the time!
Of course we knew personally all the people involved and did actually volunteer, and help out with feeding etc.
As far as lessons went, they always had their own horses, and the barn is ours, so it was a different ethos.
We never had one incident, and lord knows there were plenty of possibilities!
I had a randy Vet, when I was a kid, but that was OK, he was controllable, and you could get your treatments a lot cheaper if you played along a bit!!!!
Every Spring his wife would come on his rounds with him as he was really up to no good at that time of year! He never did change, but he was a nice guy, not slimey, and he never took offence if you knocked him back. He was also a really good vet, and SO funny!
Yes, what he was doing was morally wrong, we were under age and knew no better, but I cannot say he ever did any harm. I guess his was the more acceptable face of perversion?
OT, but I figured you’d want to update this one, Fugs. It’s about Munition, the stolen-or-not horse. http://www.examiner.com/equine-advocacy-in-national/munition-s-story-is-one-of-lies-betrayal-and-ultimately-tragedy
From the article:
“What has now been confirmed is that Mara Feld took possession of Munition on November 3rd, from his last trainer and caretaker, Matthew Clarke, promising that she would love and feed and cherish him. Munition was sound for riding when he left Clarke’s farm, in spite of reports to the contrary.
“Just one day later, on November 4th, Ms. Feld had posted him for sale on the Worcester EBay classifieds, saying that “she could not afford to keep him.” She put a price of $500 on his head. She also listed him on EquineHits.com, EquineConnection.org (for $600), and NewHorse.com (for $1000). What she did not do was to call the people who had entrusted her with Munition; they would have taken him back in a heartbeat. While I cannot second guess her motives in taking on a horse she knew she couldn’t afford, her actions raise many questions.
“Ms. Feld has made much of the fact that the Gardner, Massachusetts police were investigating what she termed as the “theft” of Munition, after she reported that Spud Noone had taken the horse under false pretenses, and failed to deliver him to a good home. But Deborah Jones, a private thoroughbred investigator who has been working diligently to find out what happened to the horse, has been told by the Gardner police that though they took Ms. Feld’s complaint alleging that Munition was stolen, they are no longer actively pursuing this case because the evidence shows that she gave the horse to Mr. Noone, rather than sold him.”
Seems Ms. Feld was NOT so innocent and we were duped. I think the clue here would have been that she was so dramatic on the Internet about this horse–she was lying herself. Poor, poor Munition.
Can anyone save him from any of them? This is terrible. I hope he isn’t meat already. I hate people sometimes.
I have to follow this with “for the love of God, don’t leave your kids alone at the barn.” I had to deal with quite a few creepers hanging out at the barn by myself, we were away from anything else and people knew it and would come up looking to break in or whatever.
A good friend of mine was assualted at a barn though, she was alone and waiting for her boyfriend to pick her up and a guy came by and tried to kidnap her. This was before everyone had cell phones and there was an office phone but you have to be able to get to it. The problem is apparently not uncommon either. Parents drop off kids and teens because there are other boarders around but don’t consider that its a Monday night and people will be gone by 6 or 7pm.
I am happy to report that I call my longtime trainer my girls’ “other mother.” This lady had dark chestnut hair when my girls were walk-trotters—-now her hair is silver and my girls are out of graduate school. For nigh onto 20 years we drove a 90 mile round trip every Wednesday and Sunday to trainer’s barn for lessons covering everything from equitation to manure management. She took them to national conventions in Boston, Phoenix, and Florida, and to our world championship show in Oklahoma City. By the time they were in early teens the girls were flying to these venues on their own, and have fiends across the country throughout our breed.
This lady is famous across four continents and New Zealand as an advocate for the Morgan horse and youth, and has led youth activities since decades before I met her. It has been a privilege to know her, work with her, and study under her. Approaching the twilight of a distingued career, she is starting a coming 4 year old for me as my penultimate driving horse, and organizing the local (three states) Horse A-Fair for February. There is no more devoted an equine professional on this planet!
If I had to find a new trainer/coach for, say, a new grandchild, I would llok no further, and in fact have leadline plans for two summers from now with this same lady. I fell into heaven when I became her customer, but her reputation preceded her, and was and reamins spotless. You can bet if I had to do it again with a newbie list of trainers, I’d be on the ‘net checking ‘em out. I have been the lucky one, hands down.
Well said BeeGee. In 20 years of teaching and training, I’ve had the privilege of mentoring some amazing young women. I even wrote about it (well, I write about it all the time) in our latest newsletter
http://archive.constantcontact.com/fs081/1102694182259/archive/1104044294509.html
Barns are wonderful places for young women to grow up and learn about life – but it’s the trainer’s responsibility to make sure that you create a healthy and emotionally safe space. That means keeping the creepy people away and it means stopping the “mean girl” gossip in it’s tracks. It means never leaving an adult male alone with your students (as much for his protection as for the kids) A trainer needs to take responsibility not only for the health of the animals she’s in charge of, but of the emotional well being of the kids she’s entrusted to teach.
If you are a non profit – it’s totally legit to request that all adults be fingerprinted before volunteering with students. The YMCA does it, why can’t we? If it pisses off a volunteer, you may have just dodged a bullet……
I grew up riding and showing Morgans too, and my trainer is like another mom to me. My mom would drop me off at the farm in the morning and then pick me up late in the evening. I have never had a scary moment or felt threatened at the barn I grew up going to. With that said, with my own children I might be more cautious. I would make sure they weren’t alone at the barn, whether it be myself there with them or a few buddies. It’s not the trainer that would scare me, but the thought of someone entering the barn premises and doing something (as minute a risk that it may be). I also just think it’s smart to have more than one person around in the event of an emergency.
We had something happen like that where I live in Australia. Famous horse trainer promised a girl a horse in exchange for a sexual relationship.
http://news.brisbanetimes.com.au/breaking-news-national/horse-trainer-sexually-abused-girl-court-20101206-18meo.html
I didn’t even have to read more then three words and I knew it just had to be WISCONSIN. This state is the black plague of child molesters, animal molesters, serial killers and back woods knuckle dragging hillbillies. The county I live in is the hub of these dandies. And most of them don’t even think its against the law.
I hope they find the POS and just shoot him, save us some money feeding the bastard while he sits in jail.
OT: Another fine example from Wisconsin, quick you only have today to get this FREE stallion, but you have to pay for the papers if you want them! Arrrgggg!
http://wausau.craigslist.org/grd/2104294381.html
I have a aqha stud horse looking for good home. I am giveing him away free under the circumstances of he is free without papers if you want his papers I would need 250 for..I do inspect everyone that will call me due to I dont want him to go to a meat buyer so if you are intrested in him please give me a call 715 451 5178
he is red roan overa
Hey Quenofcords-
I live in the Rapids area-I saw this poor guy on craigslist too. I also agree that there seems to be an unreasonably high number of molesters, abusers, drunks, etc. in this area. What part of Wisconsin are you from (if you don’t mind me asking?)
Oh, I also wanted to add that there was an earlier post for him:
http://wausau.craigslist.org/grd/2094826170.html
“i have a register stud quater horse for sale. I need to get rid of him due to water line freezing and i dont want to carry water this winter. i am looking at best offer. he is great around kids and other horses loads and ties. comes with full registeration”
I shudder to think how this poor boy has been living so far this winter.
Thankfully I never encountered creeps while I was a kid taking riding lessons, but as an adult I knew of two places that had sex offenders running/owning barns in Southern California. One barn was in Ontario, Calif., and the other was in San Dimas, Calif. The former liked pre-teen and early teen girls. The latter liked ponies.
Yeah, there’s lots of people who get jobs in barns who “like” ponies, horses, donkeys… whatever. I’m just surprised more pedophiles haven’t warmed up to this trick of working in barns.
My trainer just found out that her (ex)farrier has spent time in prison in Kentucky and is wanted for sexual assault in both Oregon and Arizona. She googled his name and DOB and came up with this info. Talk about creepy! She called the cops with the info, but he is MIA I guess….
That sure will make you feel like puking… She is one lucky lady
Not sure where he is now but Robert Johnson of CT was boo’d out of a 1999ish NRHA event after allegations of sexual misconduct. His AQHA membership was supposedly revoked so he showed up in MA at a Reining Event with a trailer full of reiners and students. The crowd wanted no part of him and went so far as to hang banners saying ‘go home child molester’. NRHA asked him to leave quietly and he did. Go NRHA! This is a small synopsis of his case(s). He’s in his 50′s and was strutting around a couple years ago, after prison, with a 17-yr old looking blonde on his arm. He treats horses the way he treats (minors) women, beats ‘em into submission.
By DWIGHT F. BLINT; Courant Staff Writer, October 26, 1999
A nine-count criminal case against Robert Johnson, the owner of the Quarry Town Stables in Portland, alleges that he sexually assaulted two people, one of them a minor, over the course of four years. An arrest affidavit made public Monday describes repeated and forcible sexual encounters with one woman, including one instance in which Johnson is accused of kidnapping and raping her. It also describes forcible sexual encounters with a minor, including instances that allegedly occurred as recently as last month.
NEWS
Noted Equestrian, Riding Teacher Faces New Sex Assault Charges
By ALAINE GRIFFIN|, April 13, 2010
For years, Robert Johnson’s horseback riding school in Portland thrived on his reputation as an accomplished rider and teacher in Connecticut’s equestrian community. But that reputation was tarnished when he went to prison after his conviction in May 2001 on charges that he fondled a 14-year-old female student. After his release in 2004, Johnson fought to keep Quarry Town Stables and bring back the school where champion riders once trained. Now, Johnson is in court again, this time in a civil case, fighting the most serious charges he has faced yet — that he raped a male riding student more than 20 years ago. The former student, Andrew Srb, now 37, faced Johnson in Superior Court in Middletown last week where he nervously recounted the times he said Johnson raped him in a horse stall at the school.
Judge Adds $400,000 To Verdict Against Equestrian Trainer
By ALAINE GRIFFIN, May 18, 2010
A Superior Court judge has added more than $400,000 to a jury verdict against Robert Johnson, the Portland equestrian trainer accused of sexually assaulting a former male student, raising the award to $1,687,610. Last month, a Superior Court jury awarded $1.27 million in compensatory damages to Andrew Srb, 37, who was a student at Quarry Town Stables more than 20 years ago. At the time of the verdict, the jury said Srb also should be awarded punitive damages, to be decided by Judge Mary-Margaret D. Burgdorff.
Popular Horse Farm Goes To Victim
By ALAINE GRIFFIN, July 20, 2010
The telephone number is disconnected, and horses, saddles and other equipment are for sale at the Quarry Town Stables, an institution on Sand Hill Road for nearly 50 years. Robert L. Johnson is losing his farm — which is in foreclosure — to Andrew Srb, a former student who recently won a civil suit at Superior Court in Middletown that accused Johnson of sexually assaulting him more than 20 years ago. Ownership of the hilly, wooded 16 acres will soon be turned over to Srb and his West Hartford attorney, Gerald S. Sack, as part of a settlement reached after discussion from both sides on how the financially strapped Johnson would fulfill the jury’s April verdict.
New Owner Finds Horse Farm Damaged, Fouled By Hateful Slurs
By ALAINE GRIFFIN, agriffin@courant.com, August 18, 2010
At a horse farm here where champion riders once trained, obscenities now cover building walls, shattered lightbulbs line the floor of the stables, doors are ripped off their hinges, and manure has been dumped in strategic places. Andrew Srb, who was deeded the former Quarry Town Stables on Sand Hill Road after winning a civil lawsuit earlier this year against the owner, was visibly shaken by the vandalism Tuesday, a day after he discovered it and called police. A judge ordered the horse farm’s longtime owner, Robert L. Johnson, to vacate the property by Sunday.
My daughter is 8 and starting to get into riding (more for the social aspect than the horses but I’m still hoping that she’s inherited the horse crazy gene from me) and I won’t leave here at the barn alone. I don’t hover around her every second but I physically have eyes on her at all times – mine or someone that I trust. Once she’s a teenager & if she’s still interested in riding then we’ll see but whoever she’s with will have to come with referrals from people I know and trust, otherwise I’ll be stalking the barn aisles while she does her thing. It’s just not worth the risk!
Why do we have all these deviate creeps in WI? (OK…not ALL of them, but sheesh!) Didn’t we just have the asshole that got caught with his pecker in a horse too? Good LORD!!!! Isn’t it bad enough that we have to deal with cold and snow?
Don’t forget Ed Gein! You got him too!
But overall, I think the PNW area has the most famous psychos.
And don’t forget J.D. my roomie in college grew up next to his apartment building. She said they burned it down after they found the freezers and closed the case. SCARY.
You’re thinking Dahmer, right? Gein, equally f’ed up. Gein was, I think, making lampshades out of human skin.
Yep, I was thinking Dahmer. Oh boy, and Gein, he had a boat load of Mama issues too!
Ed Gein = Silence of the Lambs was loosly based upon him. Ed had a sick and twisted relationship with his mother, and she was quite a piece of work herself. If memory serves, he only killed one person; what he was known for was digging up corpses and doing vile things to them.
I think it is equally as important to listen to your instincts as it is to just be aware–pay attention to your kid! For instance, are they acting funny around this person? Has there been a change in their behavior? Knock wood that I have never had to deal with this first hand! And I don’t think social standing has one iota of relevance as far as if a person is sexually deviant. It’s not as if Mr. Pervert says, “Gee, I cleared a $100 grand last year, guess I’ll have to give up . . . (fill in the blank).
This site will give you a map look at registered sex offenders near you-you just type in your own address.
http://www.familywatchdog.us/Search.asp
EVERYONE should check their own address..what an eye opener
What a creep. When I joined a family oriented horse show association here in GA around 16 years ago I heard stories about a member who had recently joined and was subsequently suspected of molesting children. The stories say that he didn’t walk away under his own power. The horse industry is small and the word was out about this guy.
When I was a pre-teen riding at a barn in Long Beach, CA I heard stories about a guy who owned a barn nearby that allowed a bunch of young girls ride his horses for him….if they showed him their breasts. I’m sure there was other stuff going on too. I steered clear. That was in the ’70′s. This kind of stuff has been going on for a long, long time. As with any other people you allow to associate with your children, parents should be wary, take precautions and do your homework. These days it’s super easy to find out about guys like this with google and background checks being so easily available via the internet.
This is totally off topic but I feel really guilty… I went and looked at a beautiful percheron mare a couple months ago, but she was just too short (15hh) and heavy for what i wanted to do. I was browsing craigslist and guess who has her… $am
I know nobody wants to support her or the feedlot but she is trained as both a riding horse and plow/hauling horse, she does need a firm hand and hot fence
http://seattle.craigslist.org/est/grd/2105344040.html
For comparison, her original owner was originally asking $800
Pony Club has just taken the step of requiring ALL D.C.s and eventually all volunteers who work with children to undergo background checks. I grumbled a bit at the $25.00 fee (Pony Club = “Writing Another Check”), but this is the scenario we are all trying to prevent. I hope that once the background checks are complete that Pony Club can use this feature to attract new members and parents who are aware of the risks out there.
Most abuse is committed by persons who know the child already, not by complete strangers. Trust is the tool of deceit.
I would rather see them charge fees for that then hunt down their former members (by paying a company to find them) and harass them for donations for a chance to become a ‘legacy’ sponsor.
I paid my dues when I was in Pony Club, and then I left. I don’t appreciate my information being scrounged just so they can come beg!
Plus for those already in the organization, how is it a good business move to invest all that money to find you alumni who have drifted away, when your only hope of recovery is the CHANCE that some of them might still want to donate?
I mean, I like Pony Club ok, but that was beyond annoying, especially when they wouldn’t stop calling or emailing after I told them I wasn’t interested (I still get the occasional email) – if I’m going to become active in Pony Club again, I’m going to just start paying dues again! It would be one thing if I signed up for any kind of alumni thing, but I didn’t. They never even had my last name, just my grandmother’s, she signed me up.
I had to pass a background check to work as camp counsellor at one riding camp. But that was one horse job out of many that I’ve had. You’d think that just from a liability perspective, more places would require a check from their staff. It’s the norm for pretty many any volunteer position working around kids so you’d think it should be the same for businesses.
That said… I agree with the person who posted that kids need some time away from their parents. For sure with very young kids, stay at the barn while they’re riding. My barn has a lounge area with a TV and wireless interest, at any time there’s usually a bunch of dads watching the game while their daughters ride, or working on the laptops or reading the paper or whatever. Not hovering, but they’re there. But the older kids and teens I think need to have the barn as their place and have some time to make friendships and connections outside of the family. Yes, there could be a sexual predator at the barn… as there could be at the mall, at the park, at the pool, at church, or, as that poster pointed out, in the family. I don’t think the barn is higher risk that any other social situation.
I don’t have anything to add regarding the story, but wanted to comment on Family Watchdog. I work in law enforcement and know that the site is notoriously inaccurate. Still a great tool, but don’t use only that site. Google the websites run by your state, county or city regarding sex offenders. They are much more accurate. Some states will give you any information they have on all sex offenders. Others, such as Minnesota (the most stringent), only list offenders at high risk to re-offend and those who have been “missing” for over a set period of time. And always remember: the scariest sex offenders are not the ones who are registered…they are the ones who have not been caught yet. Most sex offenses, especially those perpetrated against children, are committed by family members or persons trusted by the family.
We have creepy folks at the barn where I ride, but none of them work there. I have a pretty accurate creep-o-meter and I avoid anyone who sets it off. If I had kids, I would have eyes on them at all times in a place like a barn. Actually, I misspoke. I would have eyes on them at all times anywhere. Call me distrustful.
Oh man, I have the “creep-o-meter” too, and it rarely fails me. My mom has the same thing and ALWAYS told me to trust my gut (creep-o-meter). She never questioned me if I said someone made me nervous or creeped me out, so I never felt bad or wrong about trusting my gut, even if the person was in a position of authority or a friend. Consequently, I have a pretty well developed gut when it comes to sketch balls, and I trust it.
Anybody else as thoroughly skeeved out as I am about how much this guy resembles Jeffrey Dahmer? D-: *shudder*
Yikes. I hope he is safely bagged soon.
I find these things very difficult – abuse is dreadful and should not happen to anyone. You do need to be careful, though I do think that there is maybe more hysteria about it than is strictly necessary – it gets very close to the mob-mentality which I find scary.
But there are people who are subject to malicious and false allegations – its a very quick and easy way to ruin someone’s life and you don’t need any proof, just the allegation will cause him/her to be suspended from their job (esp teachers) and have their reputation trashed. Even if they are proved innocent many people still think “no smoke without fire”. Children are not always truthful, and they are not stupid and can be very malicious as well. Its difficult to distinguish between the liars and the truthful ones, but there are some clear indications of it – embellishments, too many details, improbability (like a teacher shutting himself in a store cupboard with a student with a class full of kids on the other side of the door! Never going to happen if you know anything about primary schools) and the fact that there is only one allegation made. Many false allegations are levelled years later, and someone cannot prove his/her innocence from a distance of 30 years, yet his/her, and his/her families life can be ruined over and over by such a false allegation. Even if it doesn’t go to trial, there are other “trials” that happen in the civil sector or in the police departments that work on balance of probability and usually decide that the fact of an allegation is enough to make sure that person doesn’t go near kids again – where is innocent til proven guilty? Balance of probability should still mean some rigour should be undertaken to look at the evidence and assess its own probability!
Can you tell I feel strongly about it? It is difficult because saying this makes many people think that I am saying that all allegations are false, which I very much am not – but people don’t always think about things they read, and they don’t spend a moment thinking about it – anyone who has ANY contact with kids has the potential to undergo this kind of hell – and it could crop up years later – and how do you prove a negative? His/her word against yours- think about it, how much more is the alleged abused believed over the alleged abuser?? Who do you instantly believe when you see these things? What if it happened to you?
Think about it a second if you are of the opinion of no smoke without fire? Would you think the same if it was yourself? your brother? your husband? Your father?
Abuse ruins lives on both sides of the coin, the abused and their families, the abusers family, the falsely accused and their family. I wish there were tests that would prove one way or another if someone has been abused and by whom (lots of false allegations come from people that HAVE been abused, but not by the person they say has, for many reasons) and that would weed out the malicious allegations as well. Failing this, we have to remember that our justice systems DO run on an “innocent til proven guilty” basis, and anyone who thinks that should not be the case for abuse allegations should have a long hard think about what they are suggesting.
Wow, when I did lessons in the 80′s I was dropped off by my parents most of the time at a big lesson/boarding barn for all day in the summertime in MI. We would ride, eat our packed lunches and basically have a blast–there were responsible adults that kept an eye on us though. Now that I am much older, the smaller barn I’m at has different rules. No one under 18 at the barn by themselves riding ever, and the trainer would prefer the students not just get dropped off, mostly for safety reasons.
Anybody else have those issues?
Slightly OT: What is driving me crazy is our boarder, who has two young kids ( 6 and 3) and spends most of her time yelling at them while she’s trying to ride, when they are running past the ring or just doesn’t pay attention when the 3 yr old wanders into the barn by herself–like she did last night, and expects the rest of us to help her keep track of her kids. She makes a REALLY good salary, she needs to get a baby sitter and leave them at home before someone gets either dumped or her kids get hurt….okay, I feel better now
Wow, this is me to a “T”. I was the same with with my two sons (now young adults…double YAY!). They too have grown into fine young men with a level head on their shoulders. Kudo’s for a job well done.
Ooops! This was supposed to be in response to luvredponies post.
Two comments:
For commercial establishments, there are companies that specialize in doing background checks. It’s not too terribly expensive and should be done because as an employer, you are liable for negligent hiring.
1. The internet has made it very easy to get information about people. Every parent should check the online sex offender registries both for their area and nationally. It is free and only takes a few minutes. Also local governments are putting criminal databases on-line with free access. I once found out that an applicant for a stable job had been in prison for murder
2. Children should not be left unsupervised around horses. It doesn’t have to be a parent, just somebody who will keep kids from playing tag in the arena while people are trying to ride or walking up behind a horse tied to the wash rack. Although this case is horrible, your kid is much more likely to be injured by a horse, farm equipment, fall, etc.
I was…at nineteen…well, let’s say, I was nineteen and stupid and my trainer was stupider…actually sitting on a pony in a beer garden sipping cider.
(Say it. Yes, I mixed alcohol and horses and lived to tell the tale, but man would I never do that NOW).
One of the other riders walked up, put his beer down on the low wall nearby and then got, shall we say, ‘friendly’. He had his hand as low on my butt as the saddle allowed.
Before I could do anything to stop him, the pony, who was standing quietly and until that moment perfectly behaved on a loose rein…
….decided he liked the smell of the guy’s beer and tried to drink it. Pony. Pint glass. Needless to say, this did not work. Beer went everywhere. Of course, he let me go to go get another beer. I made sure to be nowhere near when he came back out…hid behind a bigger horse.
Thank you, Muffin
.
(I’m lucky. That’s the worst barn-related incident that ever happened to me on *that* front).
Good pony!
I did drink a lot when I was a teenager, but hell, it was Wisconsin. Everybody drank a lot as a teen, there was nothing else to do for entertainment!
Well, this was in England, so I was legal
.
My lesson barn does have a policy, which parents must sign, stating that parents must stay on the property while their children are there, but it’s largely ignored, even though the office sends out a reminder letter occasionally. I understand the impulse: you can run a lot of errands in the time your kid is at the barn, no doubt. On the other hand, as someone who works in libraries, one of the places where parents like to drop off their kids for free day care, I do not understand why parents think dropping their children off at the mall, library, museum, hotel lobby is somehow not the same as leaving them unsupervised. I am *working*, and not as a childcare provider, and I’m sure my riding instructor feels the same way.
I once spoke to someone that worked at a mall store where parents (I use this term loosely) liked to pull this. She’d call security and report an abandoned child.
To quote Gavin de Becker (security expert & author of “The Gift of Fear”), it’s not strangers that kids and parents should be wary of, it’s “strange-ness.” Odd or inappropriate talk or behavior should trigger our creep-o-meter and lead to action, whether it’s removing the child or the inappropriate adult from that situation. But kids need to be taught what’s appropriate and what’s not–this is much more effective in protecting kids than just teaching them “Never talk to strangers.”
Most child sexual abuse is committed by someone the child knows well (including relatives), not by a scary-looking stranger in a trenchcoat. Pedophiles “groom” their intended victims by developing a relationship with the child and getting the child to trust them enough to keep secrets. So what kids need to be educated about and taught to avoid and report is strange, creepy or inappropriate behavior, especially someone who crosses boundaries, gives them gifts, attempts to get them off by themselves or asks them to keep secrets. Anyone who tells a kid, “Don’t tell your parents about this” is behaving in a suspicious way–kids should be taught that “Don’t tell” means “Tell!”
Riding instructors and barn owners need to educate themselves on child sexual abuse, not only for the protection of the kids in their barns and programs, but also to protect themselves and their reputation. We work with kids–often without a parent present–and we need to be aware of the dangers. Being around horses can be one of the best things in a young person’s life, but they need to know how to recognize a person or a situation that’s heading in the wrong direction and what they should do about it. And we adults need to recognize such situations and know how to take action, up to and including how & where to report a suspected sex offender.
I highly recommend Gavin de Becker’s book, “Protecting the Gift: Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe (and Parents Sane)” , not only for parents but also for instructors, barn owners, trainers, etc.
I was a Cub Scout and Boy Scout leader for many years and still teach some merit badges. Boy Scouts of America has struggled with this problem for many years and still has issues with pedophile leaders from time to time. We are required to take child protection courses on a regular basis. One of the strong points about the scouting approach is that the boys themselves go through training about encounters with molesting adults and what to do about it. I think this is a very important piece of the safety puzzle – kids need to know that their parents will listen to them if they get into a situation that is wrong somehow. So, for those of you with younger kids, make sure you tell your kids frequently that there is no situation that is so creepy that they can’t come to you and talk about it. Educate them that anyone who touches them in an area that a swim suit would cover is not their friend and is doing something wrong. Let them know that anyone who asks them to keep secrets is doing something wrong. And so on. And then live up to your promises to the child – take them seriously if they report something to you.
The first time we saw the Boy Scout program I was skeeved out about having to talk about this to my sons even though they were quite young. They took it all in stride. After much thought I realized that being open about all this stuff is MUCH better than pretending that it doesn’t exist.
Here it is in depth:
http://www.scouting.org/training/youthprotection.aspx
I would add to this that no adult should ever ask a child to touch the adult in an area covered by a bathing suit, which is actually just as common.
Excellent point!
While the BSA have a lot of good programs in place to avoid molestation, you HAVE to make sure the camp you’re sending your kids to USES them.
I worked at a Boy Scout camp; we were pretty diligent about the “two-deep leadership” idea, where at least two “adults”/counselors must be within seeing and hearing distance of all interactions with the kids. Nonetheless, there were reports of some boys getting molested. The person suspected was 14.
Our camp did NOT teach about how to deal with molestation or anything. The politics at the BSA were ridiculous; we kept horses in sub-par conditions, the certification committee didn’t even look at the climbing wall. I never got any first aid training.
The moral of this story is: Don’t just assume any organization, barn, program, WHATEVER is doing what you think they are. Question those in charge, and take a look at what you’re signing your kid up for. Camps and orgs like the BSA are super important for kids, and are something we cannot lose, especially over a few bad eggs.
I drop my 12 yr old daughter off at her barn sometimes. I didn’t for ages, but with three kids doing separate things after school, sometimes I have to. However, I know everyone she rides with for 2+ years, she carries a cell phone everywhere, and she is with a group of other girls her age if I am dropping her off. the other moms and I have a carpool, so they are all together the whole time. Also, I have told all my children that just because you *know* someone, if they say/do something that gives you that weird vibe, not to worry about hurting feelings, get out of the situation, period. A true friend will understand, and anyone else can go to heck. If she would be alone, either I or her 16 year-old brother go with her. He rides too, so he doesn’t object. Plus, he’s pretty protective too and doesn’t like her to be alone at the barn.
I must say, I do agree that kids need time away from parents, I do what I can to minimize dangers but I need her to learn how to function without me within spitting distance. If she can’t learn that, how can I send her away to college at 18, she would be a sitting duck for anyone to take advantage of. It’s the most nerve-wracking thing about parenting – when and how often to let them fledge the nest.
I have been told I am overprotective though, so maybe I am not doing such a hot job of preparing them. O well.
I still volunteer my time with my childhood horse trainer. Every time I’m there, I’m accompanied by an 11 year old, 12 year old and a 24 year old. We are all female. My trainer is usually present as well. No parents are present. We basically just fart around the barn for a few hours, riding, feeding turn in/turn out, watering, stalls, etc.
The girls are welcomed by the barn owner and when I and the trainer leave, the girls are either picked up by their parents or driven home by the barn owner. They are never left alone for any extended amount of time. Mainly, being 11 and 12, they’re still kind of getting their “horse sense” and I can’t imagine the things they’d get into with too much time on their hands in a barn FULL of horses. Gosh, they might do something like, I dunno’, accidentally let some horses loose, sadddle up one of the “crazier” horses, or try to befriend the Stallions (Walter Farley style) and get their fingers bit…lol…something I certainly did in my unaccompanied barn time at that age.
CHECK MEGANS LIST! This happened at my barn with the man who was working as a handiman/corral cleaner. Some of the girls were saying that he was trying to touch them, so we checked, and sure enough, there he was, a convicted child molester. He got fired that day, but who knows where he went.
Took you five minutes to check and aren’t you glad you did…too bad the barn didn’t bother!
I grew up riding/working with my grandmother (trainer), and our places were generally private, small and kid drop off friendly (for the right kids). However, the only kids that my grandmother would tolerate were the ones who were old enough to be helpful (generally at least in middle school) and those who wanted to be helpful – the rest had to have the parents stay, because my grandma is not a big kid person unless they are horse crazy hard workers and VERY mannerly. Still, most of the girls around the place had known us forever before their parents started leaving them for the day.
Then I worked as an instructor at a very lesson oriented barn during college. Oh man. This barn was in the middle of New Orleans, and people would just drop their kids off and leave – often for the child’s very first lesson! Their “background check” usually consisted of a phone call to make an appointment and then writing us a check as if that ensured our dependibility. It boggled my mind.
I always thought: 1) You don’t know me at ALL. 2) Though I AM a damn good instructor who always puts safety first, how the heck are they to know if they don’t stick around and maybe do some research first about what is safe? They’re just going to trust that their 8 year old is safe on that 1,000 lbs animal? Really? And the management at the place was very NOT safety oriented, so they were lucky I was around to minimize the constant falls others were responsible for. 3) I was a young, reputable looking female, but you don’t know who else hangs around the place (or if I’m really “safe” just because I’m attractive, female, and young). The management used the good behavior inmate working program for stall cleaners, and though they were always polite and helpful, you can bet the parents might have thought twice if they took the time to ask about it… Plus there were always a bunch of people milling about because it was a public stable in the middle of what is sometimes a very seedy city… It’s not my responsibility to babysit your kid once he’s off the horse – you’re lucky I have too much a conscience to let your little brat get hurt or abducted. 4) You are not paying me to babysit. Sorry.
I mean, people would literally drop off their 7 year old at the door, send them in and tell them they’d see them in an hour – the first lesson ever! Goodness people! Just because you are paying me to do a job doesn’t mean I’m qualified. It’s so weird the way people just decide you’re reputable because they’ve given you money…
Anyway, I have no problem with helpful kids being left at the barn – in fact, I encourage it with certain kids because it makes better horsemen. However, the parents should really do their homework before they do that. Once I’ve taken on the responsibility of saying, “yes, please leave your daughter here for the day, she’s wonderful help!” then I will “babysit” as needed. But you should be darn sure I’m qualified to be in charge of your most precious cargo before you drop them at my door. Sheesh.
If I ever have my own place, I think I will implement a “you stay here with your child always.” Then for the rare few I do want to hang around, I will be very mindful of the liability issues that can arise.
For those that are saying to run background checks, just remember that background checks can only find what is ON record. Plenty of people run around doing things you wouldn’t want done to your children, without getting caught. Not that I advocate being paranoid–I’m more of the “teach your children what to watch out for and how to react” camp than the “be physically present with your child 24/7″ camp, but it never hurts to watch out with a cautious eye. I think one reply said it best when mentioning to watch for single men who give extra attention to teenage girls. Plenty of men enjoy riding, but the normal ones aren’t hanging out gossiping with the girls, and offering to buy them a smoothie or whatever.
Anyway, this is OT, but saw this on Craigslist, and it made me laugh, so maybe it’ll make some of you laugh, too. http://bend.craigslist.org/grd/2104907061.html You know, if you’re tired of getting duped with a cryptorchid hermaphrodite gelding/stallion/mare cross, now you can be sure you’re getting a 100% gelding.
I was particularly fond of the picture of (what appeared to be) him crapping in the water tub. LMAO
Count me in as one of those kids who was dropped off at the barn for hours on end… I sure don’t remember my mom or dad watching me at ALL, unless I was at a show. And that was when I was little. I never cared since the barn was my idea of heaven, until it was time to go. Then I REALLY minded when my mom was late. The worst was cold, dark, winter nights, when my feet were already frozen blocks in my rubber boots, and everyone else had gone home. That was very creepy indeed. Yes, anybody could have grabbed me, sitting alone in the parking lot of a deserted barn!
I also had a male trainer between the ages of 9 and 11 who gave me the willies. Come to find out, it wasn’t us young girls he was interested in, it was our mothers… my mom confessed to me only a few years ago that this individual had hit on HER a couple times. Yikes!
As a teenager, I was on my own completely with equestrian activities, and that included riding a moped about 6 mi. in either direction on busy streets, just to get to the barn. It’s kind of funny – nowadays my mom freaks out if MY kids go off on their own in a store, but I guess back then she just wasn’t as worried. I do recall that they got a little concerned about me hanging around with a guy my age who cleaned stalls, and told me not to “associate” with him. At the time I was pretty p.o’d that they were interfering, because there really wan’t anything wrong with him. My parents just didn’t want me dating a stall cleaner because they were snobby about BFs. Looking back though, I can’t believe they weren’t MORE concerned about my trainer’s son, because they knew for a fact that the daughter of a friend of theirs was sleeping with him! I did give him a wide berth (he was a couple years older than me) on my own.
Interestingly, my parents also turned me and my brothers loose at all our Scout activities. I always had married female Girl Scout leaders, so no issues there, but my brothers’ Scoutmaster was a single guy, who never dated… and was a florist. *AHEM* They even let my brother go stay at his house and work in the floral business during busy times like Valentine’s Day! I was 100% naive and never questioned this as a kid, but now of course, I’m incredulous. I have asked my mom about it (“What the *bleep* were you thinking???”) and she is totally blase. “Oh, we knew he was fine, we liked him and he was a good guy, and besides, I don’t think he was even gay. And even if he was he never would have touched your brothers.” Most likely true – but still. Gosh, Mom, glad you owned those rose-colored glasses back then. Needless to say, if I did this with my son now she’d go nuts. :-/
The Girl Scouts now do background checks on all adult (over 18) volunteers. You can’t even hold meetings in your home unless anyone over 18 who lives there has had one done, regardless if they’re involved with the Scouts. The Boy Scouts require Youth Protection Training certification for all volunteers, but I think they should go to background checks as well. My kids have done plenty of camping without me now, but they know exactly what to look out for and I’m positive I’d hear about anything that made them uncomfortable.
My kids don’t ride, but I certainly would have stayed with them for lessons when they were little. My daughter drives herself now to violin lessons (I’ve been many times and am familiar with the young, female teacher) but if it was riding lessons, I wouldn’t let her ride anywhere I hadn’t personally thoroughly investigated. And I’d go with her to shows!
Bottom line is, you can’t (and shouldn’t) wrap kids totally in cotton wool, but you certainly need to do your HW before entrusting your children to ANYONE under ANY circumstances.
Being a florist doesn’t make a guy gay. Nor does being gay mean he’s going to be a molester. It sounds like your mom DID check him out and make sure he was safe.
-Cyg (who is bi)
Wait, isn’t being a florist supposed to be shorthand for sociopathic tendencies? Did Joss Whedon lie to me?
OH MAN. Down the road from my parents lives a very prominent and tacky-rich eye surgeon here in town who was busted for CHILD PORN. It was all over the news, in fact he set up cameras to film his daughter’s friends at a slumber party, but apparently he turned state’s evidence & the FBI gave him a minimal sentence.
SOOOOooooo….. now he’s no longer required to register as a sex offender, and anyone new in town wouldn’t know. And he runs some cheesy Christian organization that supposedly teaches young men about responsibility. And he does a lot of charity work, INCLUDING being prominent on the Board of our local Civic Theater, where I saw him once out in the lobby helping solicit donations – during intermission of Beauty and the Beast! That place was CRAWLING with little girls. I gave him a cold look and hurried my daughter on by.
Dr. Steven Stoller, not everyone in this town has forgotten that you are a skeezebag.
The Registries are a good place to start, but aren’t comprehensive.
Hey fugly readers. here is an interested video clip from the show “16 and Pregnant”
looks like its not the perverts parents need to watch out for…some parents are scarry enough!!!!
Video clip is of a new mother 15 years old. she decided to take her 1 month old baby for a ride on her horse! the horse senses something is up and starts backing up and jugging a bit, scarry to watch because you dont know what could happen!!
http://www.mtv.ca/tvshows/16-and-pregnant/video_content.jhtml?id=1653778
follow the link and go to “clip 6 of 9″ to watch the 1 month old strapped to his mother while she attempts to go for a ride.!
HD
I SAW THAT SHOW. Scared the SHIT out of me. WTF…IDIOTS!
i found this and was off topic but it’s funny.
A letter to tech support
Dear Tech Support,
Recently I purchased and installed Horse 1.0. I soon noticed that this program appears to have
numerous glitches. For instance, every time my computer boots up, I have to run Feed 5.3 and
Water 7.1. Many times I’ve been in the middle of writing an important document, and a window
will flash telling me to run Clean Stall 2.0. This program also contained applications I did not wish
to install, such as Manure 8.5, however they auto-installed with Horse 1.0. Applications such as
Vacation 2.7 and Free Time 10.1 can no longer run, crashing whenever selected. Possibly the
worst is that Horse 1.0 has attached itself to programs like Finance Manager and MS Money, with
folders added such as “Monthly Shoeing” and “Winter Blanket”. Periodically, I’ll get a reminder
telling me to send a check to the manufacturer of Horse 1.0 for the aforementioned items. I have
tried to uninstall Horse 1.0 numerous times, but when I try to run the uninstall program, I get
warning messages telling me that a deadly virus known as “Withdrawal” will infect my system.
Please Help!!!!!
THE REPLY:
Dear User,
Your complaint is not unusual. A common misconception among users is that Horse 1.0 is a mere
“utilities and entertainment program.” It is not – it is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by
its’ creator to run everything! A warning will soon be imprinted on the box. Since you have already
installed Horse 1.0, here are a few tips on how to make it run better. If you are annoyed by the
applications Feed 5.3 and Water 7.1, you may run C: \HIRE HELP, however this will cause
another folder to be added to financial applications, labeled “Staff”. Failure to send payment to
“Staff” will result in Feed 5.3 and Water 7.1 being run again on startup. A note of caution: NOT
booting up your computer for several days isn’t the solution to avoiding Feed 5.3 and Water 7.1.
You will find that, when you boot up your computer again, a nasty virus called “Colic 4.2″ will have
attached itself to important documents and the only way to rid your computer of Colic 4.2 is by
purchasing and installing “Vet 10.1″, which we admit is extremely expensive, but crucial.
Otherwise, Colic 4.2 will cause irreversible damage to the operating system. Finally, it is
important that you run C:\Carrots and C:\Scratch Ears on a fairly regular basis to keep the
application running smoothly. If you have any more questions, please call our toll free number.
Sincerely, Tech Support
People who drop their young children off at strange places, in the care of strangers, are bad parents. Period.
You have to do your homework. Even if there aren’t child molesters at the barn, who’s to say it’s at all SAFE?!??!!? Horses are big. Inexperienced kids are most vulnerable. Some of the toe-curling stables featured on here make me want to bang my head against the wall, and yet there are parents coming forward to DEFEND them. How ignorant.
Then again, like someone pointed out earlier, women routinely sacrifice their children for the sake of horrible relationships with bottom-feeder men. And it’s not just low-income, ignorant women. I knew a woman who had a very sweet little boy who was a talented pianist and sensitive soul. Well, this woman, who was a high-level, high-earning sales rep for a drug company, took up with this “man” who continually belittled the child, called him “faggot” and such.
The child was FIVE. FIVE. FIVE. As in, KINDERGARTEN.
And this woman …. did nothing. Encouraged it. Joined in.
I have no idea what the poor kid is doing these days, but I hope he gets help.
Looking back, I’m surprised at how little attention my folks paid to where I rode. I started riding with a friend when I was 14 at an awful lesson barn in Washington. My folks assumed if my friend’s parents were happy with the barn, it was good enough. The owners were verbally abusive to all of us, and we were all young girls working about 8 hrs of barn chores per riding lesson as a partial exchange (we had to pay $20 per lesson on top of that-don’t bother telling me I got ripped off, I am embarrassingly aware, lol). My folks never came out, but if they had heard some of the stuff these women said to us, they would have pulled me out in a heartbeat. It’s really odd in reflection, because my folks are generally super overprotective, even now when I’ve just started graduate school. You can’t trust kids always to tell what is going on, you really need to check things out for yourself.
I don’t think parents should have to stay for every lesson with older children (maybe say any kid that is old enough to stay home by themselves is old enough to ride with an instructor at a barn without parental supervision) but I would say they should scope out the place their kid rides and look for anything that feels off to them before they just start dropping them off.
It’s not just sexual predators to be wary of (statistically, I’d say that’s one of the lesser dangers), but safety in general. You would want to make certain the instructor knew what they were doing, the horses were in good shape, the barn not falling to pieces, kids were wearing helmets, etc. I’m sure some of those would be a little hard for non-horsey parents to notice, but I would still think everyone should put the effort in.
A side note: this is just my opinion, but I wouldn’t leave a kid alone at a barn until they knew how to be safe and respectful to the animals and other riders. In general, I think being in a barn community teaches you these things (I honestly think I am as responsible and successful in my life because of horses), but I can’t stand when someone is running, yelling, sitting cross-legged underneath a horse while wearing flip-flops, etc at the barn, and these are things I’ve definitely seen from younger riders. Not that adults aren’t capable of these things, I would just argue you might see it more in younger kids.
So much for innocent until proven guilty.
I think the message you are trying to convey is a good one, but unless you have an inside scoop on this guy, what was in the article you quoted doesn’t seem like enough to convict him and make an example of him on your blog.
But I DO think your general message is good.
I have often though a good premis for a murder story would be a man who lures women out to his secluded farm because he has a horse for sale….
For the first 6 odd years of riding, my mum or dad, whoever was there, always came with me and stayed on the edge of the arena for my entire lesson. I started at the age of 8, so you’d want to hope they stayed!!!! They only began to leave me alone when I began an unusual lease agreement, involving every Saturday with the horse supervised by the owner. I had a couple friends there as well. We all got dropped off in the morning then picked up in the afternoon. My parents did hang around to begin with, but not for hours on end. Looking back, especially seeing as it was located on a private property the horse owner only agisted at, and there were two houses, in one lived the property owner with his wife and 3 kids, n the other was a divorced guy with his teenage daughter who had some REALLY quite creepy friends….
2 years on I am still at that property but have bought my lease horse, as has my friend and we only agist there now. The guy with his teenage daughter is gone and the lady I leased off now lives there. (worse luck….she is a right royal biatch). My friend’s mum has a horse too and is usually there with us, and she and my parents are good friends. We have other friends there as well, several of which are female adults who are again friends with our parents.
By nature I am a pretty paranoid not to mention shy person and tend to keep to myself around people I don’t know. Would absolutely freak me out if I had a trainer who turned out to be a pedo. Oh and if some older guy started paying alot of attention to me I would probably run in the opposite direction, and I would definitely tell my parents. I know what some people have said about instincts being wrong, but I’ve had feelings about several people, my dog’s vet who was a friend’s dad even, that have turned out to be right. Basically if I don’t feel 100% comfortable, I’m suspicious (LOL)
My parents had a really nice set up to keep my brother and I supervised in our sports. We had neighbors whose two eldest son and daughter were matching ages for my brother and I, and wouldn’t you now it? They had pretty much the same interests. So for years my parents were able to trade off with them driving their daughter and I to riding and soccer and the boys to their sports.
Once I was able to drive I was largely responsible for my own supervision but no one was concerned I would be taken advantage of- my barn nickname was “paranoid”. The only time my parents regretted dropping me off when I was older and when they pulled up and I had a top lip and pieces of what was my bottom lip (pony and I disagreed about which fence to go over, I landed on my face.)
OFF TOPIC but I thought you would like to know the Dinsdales (Kentwood Farms) are getting rid of more of their stock on Craigslist for $500. The ad was placed on the 6th. Kentwood Farms dumped old broodmares at the Enumclaw auction not too long ago, I believe you got High Faultin Fox (sp?). They are supposedly having a disperal sale, broodmares and young stock. Seems they aren’t giving up breeding since their site is up and there is no mention of getting rid of the stallions.
Of course. Why should they stop breeding? They should totally just keep cutting a blazing trail of equine suffering through Washington State.
And they go to church. You’d think lightning would strike!
Karen tells me Foxy is almost back to weight, finally!
Guess my parents would be those “guilty as charged” type as I was dropped off at the barn every weekend and most weekdays in the summer from about 8-4:30. However, this was after several years of taking lessons at the farm (I started when I was 7) and my parents did stay for those. Um, for a while. You see, I live in Canada, and it gets freaking cold here in the winter. Funny, little kids don’t care but parents don’t want to stand around at a barn freezing their butts off while I rode. There wasn’t a viewing room at this barn (it was very basic, but a good lesson barn) so after a couple of years of making me take the winters off, I refused to do it anymore and my parents started dropping me off.
From there I became one of the “older girls” as it was called around the barn; I helped feed, turn out, muck stalls, tack up horses for the younger kids, etc in exchange for free lessons and riding time. I learned everything I know about basic horse care and riding from that place. It was by no means fancy; it was very small and there were only about 10 horses in the school program at any one time, and maybe another 5-10 boarders if we were close to full. But the owners were an older couple that became like grandparents to all the kids who rode there; and they had a loyal client base of students who took lessons there for 10 years or more. I made lifelong friends at that farm, and we spent all those long days at the barn together. So I definitely don’t think in any way leaving your kids at the barn is a negative thing. As long as you know the people well, and they are okay with you kid being there (these barn owners always were) then please, give your kids a chance to experience the barn! My parents are NOT horsey and if they had been required to stick around whenever I was at the farm, I never would have learned how to muck a stall, bandage a leg, or any of the other countless things I learned at that first farm. I work at a lesson/boarding barn now and all of the kids come for their lessons with their helicopter parents who basically tack up the horse for them and pester the instructor about their kids progress, and then they leave. Those kids aren’t going to grow up to be horse people; just riders. And we need more committed horse people in this industry, people who aren’t afraid of hard work, getting dirty, and always being willing to learn about all aspects of horses, not just the riding part.
I was SOOOOO lucky – my first two riding instructors were also my babysitters, and my first pony was boarded (for less than $50/month) at the farm next door to us, where one of them lived. Her mom was also the 4H Horse & Pony leader. What a great setup. There was always someone there, someone we KNEW, and my parents were a stone’s throw away at home.
After everyone realized that my pony needed serious work, and so did I, we went to a stable about 45 minutes away, and my mom & little sister would make a day of it, since my dad was gone working most of that summer. Mom would bring a book, or else get bored and clean Sue’s house, and my sister would play with the dogs & cats, or take an occasional ride on a lesson pony. That was a great time for me and I am forever grateful to my parents for giving me that wonderful intensive learning experience. I was a shy kid in poor health, and hanging out with horsey adults was just what I needed.
My AQHA mare was boarded about a mile & a half from our house, and the BO was this very gruff, very tough woman who scared a lot of teenagers. We got along famously, and she was ALWAYS there as well. It was mostly nice adults at that barn and a couple of girls. There was ONE creepy TB trainer who boarded there for awhile, and a girl I knew had a sort of “thing” with him that was oh so tacky, but oh so HER, so I never thought of it as anything particularly wrong, just typical. Thankfully for her she grew out of such things.
It was perfectly normal for me to be at the barn at all hours, day or night, and my mom would call if I’d been gone for more than 4 hours. That must’ve been a little tough for her, because she was pretty protective, but then again she’s also a pretty realistic person.
You can never tell a child molester by looking. i know from experience. Some times it’s the creepy f’er sometimes it’s not. The best you can do is get to know the people your kids are with, and search the registry’s that are available . Also tell your kids whats acceptable behavior from adults and what to do if they feel uncomfortable with people.
Geeze that’s creepy. I’m lucky that I ride at a great stable-our BO lives on the property, and our trainers are always around. We’ve never had any problems with any of our maintenance guys, even though many people would look at them and think ‘creepers’. They’re polite with everyone, say Hello if they see you around the barn a lot, and besides our two head guys who are pretty much like family to all of us, don’t really interact with any of the girls or boarders. We have seating by each of our rings, and most parents either sit there and read or work while their daughters are riding or they just stay in the car. The girls who are there all the time (myself included) just get dropped off, but none of us live more than 15 minutes away, and our parents all have our trainer’s contact info and vise versa should anything happen. There was one instance this fall where one of the younger girls got stung twice by a wasp-my trainer called her mom while I took care of the girl (Yes, I’m only 16 but I had extensive medical training for emergency situations while working as a Riding Instructor in Training at camp over the summer). Her mom was there in about two minutes. So while I do think it’s always good for parents to be at the barn while their kids are there (and nearly all of them are), in our case if something does go wrong, parents are never more than a couple minutes away.
Just a comment for those saying most molesters are family members or close to the child and not strangers. While true, keep this in mind: if you leave your child at the barn those “strangers” have a chance to get to be “close” and become seemingly a friend. No, I wasn’t made paranoid my my parents. I was made paranoid because I was too trusting and couldn’t imagine anyone being “bad” (yes dumb kid) so I learned the hard way. I’m also probably unluckier than most having met an unusually large number of perves in my life (and no I don’t dress sleazy or flirt). I lost count of how many inappropriate advances I’ve dodged and have been cornered more than I want to remember. Many times by older men who come accross as super nice wholesome familymen.
Don’t forget that the molester can be female as well. I know this for a fact I have a 9 year old son who says he was molested by his mother(his counselor agrees him ) we caught his older brother molesting him, 3 years ago and got custody of him and supervised visitation through a third party intermediary (set up with recording devices, remote cameras, no closed doors and transcripts done for court review if needed). She still custody of the older boy. Filed a report with Sheriff’s Office, Social services, but that young of a child is not old enough to testify and the family court judge could only mandate at this time supervised visitation. Went through a year and a half of counseling and was told that we are okay right now, but when puberty hits that he could start having problems and issues again and require more counseling. I’m fine with that whatever he needs he will get to the best of our abilities. The hardest thing is to build up his self esteem.We are trying to raise him right ( to us that means plenty of time outside, learning how to treat people fairly, how to act around animals and remove video games. We’ve had a few behavioral issues, but as time has gone on they have gotten better. Not to forget his older sister (15) who is great with him, a little bossy sometimes(we call her mini-mom) but she helps to show him how to things right (both my husband and I work full time outside the home, she watches him and helps with his schoolwork for about an hour and a half until we get home. Thats enough for me to say, there is so much more that I could say about this but I won’t get wordy…lol Just needless to say I am proud of all my children whether I gave birth to them or not.
You sound great in general, but can I just applaud you in particular for removing video games? I swear, we are raising a herd of kids who don’t know what the outdoors looks like…
I was really lucky with my trainer. While I had private lessons, I primarily did group lessons since they were infinitely more fun, and Nancy became our second mom after many years of training under her. Most of us started working with her when we were younger (I started when I was 5), and we stayed with her until she died of breast cancer when we were all hitting 17-18 yrs old. She was awesome, and parents were always more than welcome to stick around and watch the lessons…she even offered to have them join us if they seemed really interested in what we were doing. And if they couldn’t be there for any reason, she guarded us as fiercely as any mom would. She was awesome, and I miss her like crazy. I wish I could find another trainer and horsewoman like her for my child to learn from when he/she is old enough to start taking lessons.
I’m also really lucky to have a protective and horse-savvy husband. He’s there through every vet and farrier visit, horse show, barn appointments, every riding or training lesson that I give, etc. He’s even there every time we have to go to the tack and feed store…but I know it’s just to protect the wallet. LOL
It cracks me up when I think about how my dad used to usher me off with random barn people in my early teens. I mean, he’d just send me off with some cash and ask me what we should buy whoever was trucking my horse and I to a show as a thank you present! Granted, these were 90% women, and it was a tightnit group so even if we hadn’t known so-and-so for years, we knew all her friends. Nothing bad ever happened, but I really don’t remember my dad ever “checking up” on anyone!
It’s sadly true though, I mean what better ploy to get kiddies alone than ponies? *shudder*
I suppose it’s like any major sport though – parents think their kids have potential and blindly follow whatever the instructor says.
For nine years I worked for the YMCA in their after school care program. As the director of the site I had many responsibilities but my number one priority was the safety and protection of the children. There was the time a parent showed up thirty minutes late to pick up their child and intoxicated. It was a tense situation as there was no way that child was getting in the car and I told the parent so–luckily the parent backed down when I told her I would call the police with their license plate number as soon as they left. Also had a non-custodial parent come to pick child up and that time I did have to call police. One situation that arose that I was not prepared for was protecting the people working with me and myself from a second grader. First he told one of the other girls who worked there that he had been imagining her in a black see through nightie and then he told me he’d had a wet dream about me. Talk about creepy and upsetting! Of course I immediately informed my boss asking for advice on how to handle the situation. She showed up that same afternoon to talk with the child and his mother. Next day the child was withdrawn from the school. Turns out he had left six other schools for sexual harassment and deviant sexual behavior. It’s great to have a Megan’s List etc. but how do you check out an eight year old!?!!
Here in Australia we have “Working with Children” cards. You need one to work around kids, either in an employed or voluntary capacity. To get one you have a full federal police background check done. I think it doesnt stop it, but perhaps puts anohter obsticle in teh way. Of course, it doesn’t stop those who have never been caught…
Geesh that guy looks like an evil sprite. Amazing what sex offenders do to gain the trust of thier victims. THey are great talkers indeed.
I used to board my horse at a small farm where the owner had a live in that was a raging drunk and had problems with drugs. Well one day I was out at the barn cleaning out my horse’s stall minding my own bussiness when said drunk woke up from his day time slumber. I didnt know the boar was home and didnt know that he was roaming about the house and barn. He had been seen (by other boarders) up in the loft of the barn shooting cats (yes with horses in the stalls below) and basicaly a gun toting nut job. Well I was about done with the stall when he showed up at the door way half drunk of course. I had a pitch fork in my hand and he was rambling on about nothing then blocked the stall door way s o I couldnt leave. I told him if he came any closer to me I would shove the pitch fork into him. He backed off and then left barn. I told the barn owner about her lover’s escapades and she basicaly said he was harmless and wouldnt do anything. I left the barn the following week with my horse in tow. He even asked me if I would have sex with him before I left…..right infront of her (the barn owner). I got into my truck and left promtly. What is the deal with these perverts and drunks and drug losers? This guy was later charged with drug distributing and selling, involved in a accident that caused a death because he was drunk and shooting a gun in a residential area. The Barn owner dumped his ass just to pick up another loser scam artist, drug addict with history of horse abuse. She could pick them thats for sure. I later learned she also allowed smoking in the barn, the horses began to get fed when ever any one showed up to do it and basically a huge mess. I was so glad I left when I did.
When it comes to children I recommend also that the parents stick around for a while and watch the goings on in the barn and areas therein. Even women can be sex offenders though not as high on the offender list.
UPDATE: Michael Grant has been caught!
Michael T. Grant Caught in Delavan, WI