Mommy Dearests, please stay HOME and sign the checks!
Jun 17 2010
Wonderful article about horseshow Moms and Dads at the GoHorseShow site.
From the article:
“Your job is to listen and pet the horse. If you hear something that you don’t understand or agree with, take responsibility and talk privately with the trainer about it.”
Oh, amen! I’m sure we can talk all day about the different types of horseshow parents. I used to teach lessons myself, and while most parents were good, I clearly recall dealing with the Parents From Hell. Their daughter, I’ll call her Mary, went into a large flat equitation class. She was riding one of my polo ponies so she wasn’t on a show horse. She was on a 14.3 unregistered Appendix QH who was a less than stellar mover. The class was utterly huge. I believe it was over thirty entries, thank God in a large enough ring that it wasn’t a wreck.
Mary got a third. I was ecstatic. Her friend, we’ll call her Kara, another student of mine whose parents had sprung for an actual show horse, won the class. I was actually more excited for Mary.  I mean, Kara was on an awesome horse and won all the time, but for Mary to get a placing that high on a roached-mane, crappy moving hony was impressive indeed.
Mary’s parents, unfortunately, did not share my glee. Her mother walked up to her, looked at me and said, and I quote, “what did she do wrong?”
Wrong? Wrong? WTF are you talking about? She did GREAT! She had beautiful transitions! She kept her spacing in a very crowded ring just like she had been taught. She picked up her diagonals without looking. She got the mare on the lead that the mare did not like to take, and she made it look easy. She did not make one single mistake. But all Psycho Mom and Dad cared about was the blue ribbon. My suggestion that they spring for an actual show horse was seen as far too expensive and not an option. I will note here that both parents made megabucks, lived in the most expensive part of town, and that the blue ribbon horse in that class had cost all of $3500. I was not asking for the moon here.
Unsurprisingly, Mary did not stick with horses and riding, which was a real waste because she was a lovely, quiet rider with beautiful hands and no temper, the kind we need more of in the horse world.
I think this scenario happens a lot, and I don’t think parents mean to be horrible but sheesh some of them are awful! So, trainers and instructors, let’s yak today about your experiences with parents. Good parents, bad parents, complete nightmare “stage mom” parents…what are your experiences, and what would you tell parents who want to be the best horseshow mom or dad they can be?
My advice is simple: If you want to win horseshows, YOU get a horse. YOU take lessons. YOU go out there. Do not live vicariously through your child. If you are going to have a child showing, it has to be about what the child wants/enjoys. That means if your kid wants to barrel race, even if you’re a dressage person, you get your kid a barrel horse and you put on ropers and you drink a beer and hoot and holler with everything else. Likewise, if you are a diehard Arabian person but your child wants a Thoroughbred, you pet the Thoroughbred and feed him carrots and are proud to have him in your barn. And if your kid decides he/she isn’t into showing and just wants to ride bareback and have a good time, you smile, sell the show tack and deal with it without acting like the kid has failed you in some massive way.
Easy enough, right? 
Sonny is looking for a home over at Mid-Atlantic Horse Rescue! This is a big, sensible and friendly gelding who would love to be your new pet!
258 comments to “Mommy Dearests, please stay HOME and sign the checks!”
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I used to give lessons on the side when I rode for the Lip show in Vegas. Mostly teenage girls at Brass Tacks that generally had their own horses. My regular students all had awesome parents who would ask me about things they did not understand and gave me free rein with their children. How did I acquire only the best parents? As I was only teaching as a favor to the barn owner and to indulge in my love of working with students, any time I got an Demanding Parent I simply referred them and their child to Stacy (the BO and trainer). Not at all fair I know and not something I could do if it were my barn and my full time job. But at least I enjoyed giving lessons. I’ve seen way to much of the demanding, moneyed parent more interested in results than fun. I hope if I am ever a “horse kid’s mom” that I am nothing like that!
Even if (God forbid!) s/he wants an *gasp* Arab!!
Tupa: If you ever have kids, I’m sure you will be able to put their horsey desires above your own. I am a recovering English snob (you know, all Western people are bad. They’re not! Every discipline has bad apples.)
Anyways, my daughter wants to do ‘the jumping horses’ (she’s 7). A more proud mother you could not find. My son . . . wants to do . . . western. AAAaauuuuggghhhh! Really?? What have I done to deserve this? So, we got him a western saddle (and kept the english one, of course) and he does the timed events at a show about once a year. He LOVES it! As it turns out, I fit in pretty well with the red-neck croud. I am hoarse by the end of the running events from whooping and hollerin’. He never wins, but has such fun that I will work extra to pay for it.
If I can do it, anyone can! (You just have to be willing to give this gift of happiness to your child).
Reading your post made me laugh! I am one of those Western riders that used to show competitively in 4-H and a regional circuit we had and we thought all the English riders were snobs.I actually carried that mentality into my adulthood but now realize it simply isn’t true. There are snobs on both sides of the discipline “fence.” I couldn’t afford horses when mine were young but if they had decided to ride English I could have easily indulged that and even think about buying an English saddle from time to time and take lessons so I can learn how to “really ride.” Ha ha!!!!
“English snob” – funny! When I was growing, we were the only people who rode english. My parents were not snobs, they showed us the difference between good western riding and “lousy cowboy riding”. The local gymkhana club consisted of a bunch of kids flailing their mounts around obstacles. Many western riders were “Western snobs”. They said we were sissy’s who rode useless skinny horses with weak legs. (Our horses were very sound ex race track and ex polo pony TB’s. The western riders rode chubby QH’s. ) This area is now equally western and english, with more breed variety, but in the “old days” we were pariahs.
I had a QH back in the early 1970s when English was a “new thing” for the breed. Talk about being a pariah ;o) I would be in classes of four and five. Took me FOREVER to get his Register of Merit (because there weren’t “show circuits” like there are today). Eventually the trainers figured out that aged horses (five and over) could show in snaffle bits, so they all got English tack and the “cowboy types” hired women (or made their wives or girlfriends) show in those “fancy pants” and funny hats.
Yes, I know all about being an outsider ;oD
This is too funny because know many big name male Arab trainers who refuse to show the hunter pleasure horses because they won’t wear the silly little outfit with stretchy pants. Meanwhile, my skin crawls at the very idea of wearing the “disco cowboy Barbie” outfit to show western pleasure.
Well, I was at “English Day” at the Fair yesterday – and it’s 99.995% AQHA/Paint horses, with corresponding roach backs, puppy or “trainer” hands, weird stirrup lengths, poor leg position, and loud-colored “dickie” things worn under too-short hunt coats.
I don’t mind a tasteful monochromatic plaid, or dark maroon or even jacket-coordinating stripes on your fake shirtfront… but I’m talking SAFETY ORANGE, with white lace trim.
Don’t get me started on the seesawing, headsets, crappy gaits or lunge-till-dead. Because that shit makes my head explode.
This whole “sit on your pockets” thing has gone too far in both Western and Wenglish. It sounds all folksy and cowboyish, I guess, but it’s creating pretty bad “chair seats” since the young riders don’t know enough to roll their hips/pelvises into the right place, and nobody is teaching that….
Oh, man. I used to show groom in high school, so while I was never the kid in the saddle, I saw and heard everything. I can’t even remember all of the horrible things that I saw children endure (and then learn to mimic!).
That said, my own mother was just as annoying, even though she never said anything to the trainer. She was one of those moms who would sit on the rail and give me unwelcomed instruction from the side, such as “keep your heels down.” Thanks, mom. Please let me know when you start riding and I’ll take your advice. I know she was trying to be supportive in her way, but she has never even been on a horse, much less ridden competitively. Even parents who ride should find someone else to teach their children after a certain point. It’s generally (and I’m saying generally, not always) more pleasant for parent and student, and both parties can enjoy the experience.
My parents were fantastic, but I often felt bad for a lot of the other kids.
My parents were super happy and supportive regardless of my placing. They cared more about me having a good time, and treating my horse and competitors with respect. After a while, my parents just started dropping me off at the horseshows with the camper and trailer and leaving me for the weekend. I did everything by myself: feeding, show grooming, and getting myself (and horse) ready for classes. It was a lot of work, but also really fun. My parents had been to enough shows to know how they go (they are both horse people). I never had a trainer with me (I did take lessons though) and was usually on a $900 horse… but I still managed to do really well WHILE having a great time!
On the flip side, Ive seen exactly what you are talking about fugly. One time I won a class on my grade pinto gelding… and the girl that came in third was riding a very fancy, show-quality paint. Her parents told her that she didnt win because her horse is colored. LOL.
I had a friend place poorly in an open hunter schooling show class – below horses that rubbed the rails. She asked the judge why this happened (in a very polite, help me understand, type of way). The judge said her horse didn’t have enough ‘chrome’ (white markings). *sigh*
It’s OK, I had an AQHA judge tell us our horse was the wrong color for hunt seat. Dark bay with 4 socks and a blaze so apparently too much chrome. This was around 1990. LOL.
We’ve lost halter classes with our leopards before, because the judges didn’t like having to put their hands on the loud colored horses to get beyond the pattern to feel the conformation. You even see that problem in Most Colorful at Halter because of lazy judges.
-_- It’s ApHC. But I guess I’d have done much better showing a plain bay.
Ugh, I’m so glad we stopped doing all that.
HOW do these people get judge’s cards?!?!?!!
Yea, the neverending color dilemma. If the horse is flashy, or has uneven socks, any little mistake will be noticed. If the horse is too plain, it fades into the background.
To be fair, I once had a student go to State to compete in hunter under saddle. I was horrified to find that I lost her in the ring three times straight– and she was my own student! Her horse was just such a lovely quiet ride, with a quiet chocolate chestnut color…. and I had failed as a trainer to take into account the girl’s turnout, which was perfectly legit, but not unusual enough to draw the eyes. She still placed fourth, with two Congress winners above her, but it was a good example of being ‘not enough chrome’. Trust me, if your own trainer tells you she or he lost track of you during the class, then your turnout needs some work, lol.
Sometimes turnout can work against you. Big thing in dressage (the bastion of Tradition) is bling — sparkly headbands, bridle charms, irons (!), spurs, etc. I went to a show in Northern California last month and in trots this ginormous horse with its sparkly headband catching the sunlight and flashing. A LOT.
The score wasn’t very high because the “flashing bling” caught the judge’s attention and there were several comments about the “wiggly head.”
I’m sure the judge would have noticed that the head was not steady, but if you HAVE this issue, why call attention to it? Same with white gloves and “noisy” hands.
My QH was a liver chestnut with absolutely NO white. I wore a green hunt coat, soft yellow ratcatcher shirt, and brown boots and hunt cap. He was a “steady Eddie” and we did very well.
My OTTB is chestnut with four whites and a star, strip and snip. Talk about “fancy” ;o) Harder to keep clean, but a real “handsome devil,” as several judges have commented. Hot stuff — no bling necessary ;oD
Back in the day, everyone with a chestnut or sorrel horse wore rust-colored breeches.
I was raised on a warmblood farm, before warmbloods were really cool in the 70′s and I always wanted that “painted pony”. My parents were awesome and never degraded me for not winning (eventing and cross country) although my dad did keep pictures of a couple of my wipe-outs to keep me in check if I got a little too “big headed”. I remember that until Art Deco came to town, a colored horse was absolutely not allowed. Thank you for him because at 40, I now have my painted pony. Yeah, he may never be world champion, but he is to me. His 2nd level dressage work is stunning based on his coloring. He certainly has enough “chrome” to get the job done! It’s amazing how the horse world has changed, not necessarily for the better. Showing was fun and good for the development of children to adulthood, now it’s almost the equivalent of child pageants for some mothers that don’t have the balls to get on the same horse their child is on and trot over an 18″ fence. I really love the parents who openly question a judge in front of their children, I ask you “what is that teaching your child” question authority and show your ass. In 18+ years of showing, I don’t think I or my mother ever questioned a judge publicly – in private, it was a “what could I/she have done better” situation. Don’t even get me started on halter AQHA’s.
My parents were awesome too and were THRILLED when we won. In fact my mother got so elated we used to pray to not win because you could here her all over the showgrounds. Turns out my sister and I did win quite a bit and my mother never mellowed out in her reaction. My parents got us nice horses, paid for the lessons, bought the custom made, color coordinated outfits, purchased beatuful show tack, the works! We had very nice well trained horses but were looked down upon by some of the others with the $5,000 show horse (that was a lot to pay 30 years ago!). Turns out we regularly beat those others because our horses would do anything. They were all trained by old school cowboys and were awesome all-around horses. We would take lesson and go to clinics but pretty much just rode trails all week after school and then on Friday night bath them, clip them up, and haul them to the shows. Ahhhh, those were the good ‘ol days.
I would like to give a shout out to my own wonderful “horse show parents”. My father and step-mother recently saw me show for the first time as a professional, after many years of showing and winning on the Regional and National level. They were so proud that I won at this little tiny qualifying show that they posted pics and videos on FB all about how I was “best in show”, etc. I LOVE that my parents and husband are very non-horsey and showing horses is my thing. They are just so proud that I am up on the horse. LOL
A neighbor bought a backyard pony for his young daughter. Of course, the pony was a holy terror and no one could ride it. Then they bought a horse. They all had no horse experience. The only riding experience the girl had was riding in the dirt road in front of their house while dad rode his bicycle beside her. They took her to the local open horse show, put her in the western pleasure class, and told her that if she didn’t win, they would never take her to a show again. Of course, she got in the ring, didn’t have a clue what to do, no idea what a lead was, and didn’t win. True to their word, they packed her up and took her home, never to show again. Of course the girl lost interest and the horse and pony were sold. Now they have motorcycles. A much better choice for them.
UGH.
Why do people like that HAVE to have children? They’re going to give her issues on top of her issues. She’s going to be in therapy the rest of her life with those parents.
My parents have been great since day one. They stuck with me through all my “phases” and never said a negative word as I thoroughly explored every aspect of horses that interested me. I’ve done WP, HUS, barrel racing/gaming, reining, cutting, and even went through a stage when I thought I was fed up with showing so I just did trails. I started off as a barrel racer, but then decided I wanted to broaden my horizons and see what other options I had. After exploring all those options, I realized just how much I love and always will love barrel racing. So that’s what I’m doing now with my awesome horse who put up with all of it.
I still do everything on that list too. I love it all, but barrel racing is my thing. That horse can literally do anything you ask of him now. Variety was/is the best thing in the world for him. In fact, I took him to a WP show last year and he’s till got it! My little foundation bred palomino QH was placing against circuit horses, and beating them! I was thrilled
But anyway, doing lots of things was the best thing for me and my horse. I can take things that I learned from every one of those disciplines and apply them to all the others. If my parents hadn’t been supportive of me doing lots of different things, there would have been A LOT of helpful information I would have missed out on. My focus is definitely on barrels, but any good barrel rider knows that a good barrel horse becomes a good barrel horse OFF
(i don’t know why it posted that comment, but here’s the rest of it. maybe you can modify it so that the two comments are together????)
My focus is definitely on barrels, but and good barrel rider knows that a good barrel horse becomes a good barrel horse OFF the pattern. So doing all these different things has made my horse the quietest, most focused, and probably most well-rounded barrel horse at the competitions.
I see so many parents that don’t let their kids branch out. Hell, they don’t even let the horse branch out. In my opinion, nothing bad can come from variety, but bad things can come from a monotonous routine. I have one friend who does 4H performance and high school eq team. Her horse is strictly a performance horse. If she gets less than a third in showmanship, her parrents freak. I remember them saying things like, “I’m not paying for you to lose.”
I have another friend who is quite a bit younger than me but in a similar boat. Her parents make lots of money, so she has like 5 horses or something like that. Her performance horse is not allowed to do anything execpt practice WP and HUS. Her barrel horse is not allowed to do anything execpt light exercising 9which means just w/t/c both ways and then get off). I don’t know about her other horses, but these two just have no life. She’s not allowed to even trail ride them. All because her mother wants to see her win.
The performance horse is the meanest horse you’ll ever meet. He just plain unhappy.
The barrel horse is one of the most insane barrel horses you will ever meet. I used to lease him before they bought him, so I know him quite well. He was fine for me after I gave him some variety. I got him to the point where he could walk up to a pattern and just walk away. Now though, it’s a whole different story. All for winning. It’s such a shame.
Sorry I rambled….
OT but….. I’M GRADUATING FROM CLARK COLLEGE TONIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CONGRATULATIONS!
Story….are you one of my kids under an alias? LOL! (Nope! Mine haven’t graduated college yet….good for you kiddo!!!!) BUT, you could be as this is what I’ve instilled in my kids from the git-go….do what you want, have fun and be careful. Variety…yep…thats the key in my book too.
When I first got my eldest (who’s now 21) into showing as a 10 year old, we went to local and 4H shows (thats all we still do as the big breed shows just turn me off). I witnessed a huge western class…I’m talking 20+ kids…at the Kitsap County Fair where the 2nd place horse came out of the arena (a gorgeous bay Arab dripping in silver) and the mother cracked a riding crop across her daughter’s leg smartly snapping, “YOU should have won…why can’t you just pay attention and do as I say? YOU screwed up…It’s all your fault you won’t get high point…” and walked away with the child (maybe 12 years old?) riding her beautiful horse shedding silent tears. I felt HORRIBLE for the child. She did VERY well in my opinion. I would have been tickled pink if she had been my child and I got the chance to tell her that later in the day. She smiled weakly at me, but I think inside it made her happy to know that someone noticed her accomplishment. I will never forget that child’s crushed face as her mom belittled her.
I’m proud as can be no matter what, but if my kids just stay in the ribbons I’m estatic.
I was at an AQHA show probably 20 years ago and a mom got in trouble for BEATING HER KID WITH A HUNT CAP in the bathroom. I’ve always wondered how that poor kid turned out.
Oh dear- I absolutely loathe parents like that, and what`s frightening is that you see this kind of attitude so often in ALL competitive sports involving kids. Ugh.
So selfish.
Actually, that’s the kid you see beating the crap out of her horse when they don’t win or they have a bad ride. Unfair at the least. We all have bad rides when I see someone wailing on their horse after the class or ride, I kinda want to ask the judge to disqualify based on that alone. You win some, you lose some, sometimes you do a victory lap, sometimes the walk of shame. We’ve all done both, I am sure, and are better for it.
That makes me so SAD. I knew kids who had moms like that… so awful.
MY parents were just happy to be there, and since I *always* had a stress-induced Crohn’s flare-up at a show, they were pretty good at basic grooming. Mom always jokes about how she doesn’t know about riding, but boy, can she wipe a horse’s ass!
She would hang out on the rail and tell all the kids she knew to “smile! Smile!!!!” kind of like Mr. Roarke on Fantasy Island….
Dad grew up with livestock, so he was always comfortable and calm with horses. He has a real knack for quiet loading of “problem” loaders.
I always wanted to go to more and bigger shows when I was a kid, but my parents’ income & sense of what was appropriate for me didn’t allow for the big breed or hunter shows a lot of my friends got to go to.
I had a client many years ago whom everyone thought was a little brat, but I honestly thought that she was such a poor loser (tears every time) because of the mother and grandmother. I can only imagine what that child had to endure on the car ride home. You have never seen a group of people who were so happy when they won a ONE HORSE class as those people. They were happier to win a one horse class at an A show than to top 5 at Regionals in a full class of great horses.
Would have loved it if my parents at least CAME to a few of my shows when I was a kid (they attended the first one and left after a couple of classes) but they were definitely not the ringside nightmares like I’ve seen around. I had a friend when I was showing as a kid who had crazy horse show parents–both mom and dad were awful. Mom would stand at the ringside clenching her fists and coaching the kid under her breath or cursing the pony if it put a hoof wrong. Every lesson, Mom and Dad were co-teaching with the trainer and shouting out “helpful” advice. And it was all about what the judge likes to see, not about riding well. “Pat your pony, the judge likes to see that!” How about “Pat your pony because she did well?” Nope, not relevant.
That kid had two fancy show ponies, a show horse who cost three times as much as my car, and a saddlebred belonging to her father that she occasionally exercised. All the latest tack, show fees and trailering paid for, etc. I would have killed to have the kind of access to gear and coaching and shows that she had, but because her parents were so pushy the poor girl had an awful temper already at age 11 and was constantly crying from stress at shows or even just in her lessons. She would beat her very sensitive Thoroughbred with her crop while spurring him if he acted up, until he was frothing in sweat and rolling his eyes, and the parents would be at the side of the ring nodding and yelling, “Yes, don’t let him get away with that! What if he refuses in front of a judge one day?”
When the trainer finally told the parents to back off and told the girl she needed to get off if she was losing her temper, they changed barns. Within a few years the kid’s brain was so fried from the pressure that she didn’t even want to ride anymore. But she did win a bunch of Hunter championships and some medals for her parents’ walls. Guess that was what mattered to them.
Were my parents secretly parenting you too? (or secretly parenting me?) My dad used to stay at shows, but in his car with a book, and I think I remember my mum coming to two shows in all the years I competed. She did, however, make me call her each time I finished XC, so I think in her case it may have been a combination of disinterest and worry ;o)
I too had the absent parent syndrome…… my mother, only over fences, she showed for the flat work, as a kid it really did have an effect on me even though my father was always there her absence made me feel like something was wrong!
My girls never wanted to show at all, in fact none of them ride at all now……my last episode was to pay my then 16 year old 20.00 to trail ride her horse, that ended it, I decided to care lease one of MY horses out to a wonderful person for trail riding, so I can focus on my mare who needs the attention (she’s green).
That said I am lucky enough to have a little grandson 11 years old that loves the barrels……so I put him with a great trainer with good horses and I have a ton of fun watching, I LOVE IT. I have 2 more younger grandkids coming up already had the 3 year old on a pony (with helmet and lead line) short ride but I want him to catch the bug so I can be a show granny, a respectful enthusiastic one however…….it just makes me smile!
As a side line, I started taking barrel racing lessons myself and have become rather hooked as well…..lots of fun and more technical than I had imagined if you are to get it right……someday myself and those grandkids may all compete together!
Man oh man, do I wish I were friends with your then-16 year old daughter! If she told me you were paying her to ride, I would’ve shown up on your doorstep with my boots and helmet begging to ride for free. xD I’m glad your grandson has taken to the ring, hopefully he’ll have lots of long and wonderful years having a blast!
I hope my future kids love to ride as much as I do…I can’t wait to go pony shopping…
My clients know the rule that they are not allowed on the rail while their kid is showing, unless they are QUIETLY standing by my side, just for that reason.
I was definitely very lucky in the horse mom department. She always came and watched and she genuinely loved horses of any breed and color. She helped when I really needed it and she made me do stuff on my own when I really needed it. I can’t say I was always the best kid out there but my Mom didn’t let me get away with much and I’m pretty sure my instructors appreciated it.
I remember my first real fall. I had the wind knocked out of me and got pretty scared. My Mom (a nurse) just brushed me off, calmed me down and told me I had to get right back up there. Her staying calm was the best thing she could have ever done in that situation. I could go on…
Now that I’m a Mom the hardest thing has been that so far only my youngest (who is only 20 months) has really shown any interest in horses so far. I don’t want to push my kids into doing something they don’t want to do and a huge part of me realizes that it is good if they don’t get the horse bug. I mean just stop and think about how much money you would have if you added up every cent you’ve ever spent on a horse. (I could retire early!) Not that it hasn’t been worth it for me but if they don’t have that bug then in some ways life will be easier for them. That said, I really do hope that at least one of them learns to love horses. I don’t care if they want to ride Western, bareback or become a trick rider. I’d just love to be able to go riding together sometime.
I’m in a similar boat! I didn’t show as a kid, but loved horses, and as an adult, can afford to own a couple. I have an 8 yr old boy and 4 yr old girl. At first, my boy didn’t show much interest in our horses at all, but my little princess is horse-crazy! In fact, I barely ride at all anymore, because I’m leading her around on either our mini pony or my big QH. And, now that she wants to ride all the time, my son has started to want to ride as well! What I really need, is to find a small, older QH for them to ride so they will stay away from my favorite gelding! But, Rocket is so good with them, I fear I won’t find another like him. Take advantage of the years you still have, because you mind end up using your riding time to lead them around, or supervise them in the round pen!
PS I can’t say I’m disappointed…I hope to be able to provide both of them any and all horse-related things that I did not have as a child!
I’m with you! I’m pg with my first (due any day now) and I know it will be really tough on me (a horse girl for life) if my daughter has no interest in horses whatsoever. But, if she’d rather do something else, I’m going to do my best to be supportive and encouraging (and not one of those crazy parents!) I think my parents liked the showing and the horse – my Mom always wanted horses and my Dad was definitely horse show Dad. They were great – encouraging and supportive. They helped make it fun for me. I hope I can do that for my kids one day.
Me too!!!!
My daughter is 5, and I think it’s just the age-related attention span, but when we go to the barn, she has more fun playing with the cats, though she likes to feed carrots and pet the smaller ponies.
She likes to ride, for about 10 minutes (on a lead), then she’s done and ready to play with the kitties again.
When I was about 6 or 7 I guess is when the obsession REALLY set in, though my parents say I ALWAYS had an interest, even as an infant.
Eh, I just wish my parents had supported my horse desires at all. I worked my ass off to pay for lessons, then to buy a horse, and boarding etc. I had a trainer who helped me out and paid for a lot of stuff for me and my horse (when I was a pre-teen…). We didn’t have the highest quality stuff, but it was adequate and useful. We actually did pretty well and I had a judge ask my trainer if he could work with my borrowed horse and I for free to train us for dressage after seeing our FIRST dressage test ever for either of us that would have placed if said horsey hadn’t put a single foot outside of the ring thus eliminating us, but alas he was too far away.
My parents went to their first horse show to watch me last year (I’m 25 now…) and actually the first time they’ve seen me ride in probably 10 years… and after the show my mom came up to me in tears and said “Honey, I didn’t realize how beautiful you are up on that horse, you’re face just glowed, I wish we would have supported you more when you were younger!” Needless to say I was having tons of fun at that show and was just there for the fun of it! I placed like 5th on a youngster at her first show, and 2nd and 3rd on a horse that I had ridden the first time the previous night for about 15 minutes and then in the warm-up area, lol! Thank you IHSA!
I’d love to show more but money is hard to come by for such things, so I will enjoy riding and teaching riding lessons to youngsters (and I DO have several charity cases much like my younger self that I teach for free and have given them every last penny from my personal saddle fund when they needed it for something more important than a nice new saddle for me!
) and call it good until I can make enough money from lessons or ??? and be able to show more.
Yeah, some parents are nightmares. Screaming at their kids in a public area after they don’t do well in a class. Whatever happened to, “It’s okay, Suzie. We all have bad days. Maybe next time”?
I have no idea if our son will be into horses or not. I am staying neutral. No dragging him to leadline classes or buying him a pony for me to care for. If he enjoys riding his cousin’s pony (who we are keeping on our farm) then he will need to show real dedication for caring for an animal before we will buy him his own pony. BTW, the cousin rides her pony lees than twice a year and she doesn’t live far away. Her grandma bought her the pony when she was two and she has never cleaned up after it or taken even the slightest interest in her care. We ended up with the pony when BIL lost his farm. Not the path we will take with our child. Ponies are cute, but if you want one so badly, don’t use your kid as an excuse. Buy yourself a damn pony, LOL!
A long time ago in a place far far away (like on the other side of the US) I subbed a local Pony Club session which was being held at the barn I was teaching and boarding at. There were a bunch of 8-10 year olds on ponies working on their D and C levels and one experienced 14-year old with a nice TB. The little kids had focus/control issues and the 14-year old’s horse was rushing the X’s I’d set up. So I opted to work all of them on trot only gymnastics and by the end of our session everyone was trotting their fences comfortably and calmly in control.
When we were through the 14-year old’s mother walked up to me and slammed into me saying her daughter was better than all of this and what a waste of time it was and what a useless instructor I was etc etc. I told her that I was sorry but I had to do what was best for the group overall and started walking out of the arena. The 14-year old caught up with me and said, “Don’t listen to my mom–I really appreciated your work with us and we did exactly what my horse needed today and thanks for the good instruction.” Clearly, the daughter had more class than the mom. Funny thing now is that the 14-year old ended up being an top event rider.
Liz
Wow, I guess I lucked out in the parents department. My mom was never “into” horses, but she got me riding lessons (at a crap barn, but at least they were hours on a horse) and even though she embarrassed me many times at shows and pony club events by calling my mare’s forelock “bangs”, she was always very supportive and encouraging, even when we came in dead last. I think she was very relieved when I got my driver’s license and she didn’t have to haul me to rallies and shows anymore, though. Love ya, Mom.
My mother had had riding lessons when she was a kid and rode (western trail) on our family vacations. She was a basic up-down rider, knew how to steer, but did not consider herself a horsewoman, per se. But she loved horses and supported my interest to the extent she could (i.e., minimal financial support – just couldn’t afford it – but found an after-school job for me to supplement my allowance so I could take lessons, made sure my dad chauffered myself to the lessons, etc.) She came to some of my shows (on school horses, and then when I had a full-time job at age 19, my own $650 Appendix QH). She didn’t do any rail coaching except when I gave her a heads up as to what my instructor thought were my weakpoints, and she’d whisper to me as I went by “look up! shoulders back!” or, horrors, “wrong lead!” LOL She loved that mare (who was a PITA), but Mom passed away when I was 25 and she never saw the lovely Appies I’ve had over the years since (I’m nearly 65). Sigh. Showing was ALWAYS fun and Mom knew just enough to praise when I was good and be encouraging about “next time” when I did poorly.
Well, when it comes to winning the lottery, I want the BIG jackpot ;o) None of that “three numbers with the Mega” business, though winning my Millions $3 at a time takes care of the tax problem ;o)
With dressage, my goal is to NOT see the word “tense” written anywhere on the test ;oD
Everything is relative.
A dear friend got one of her first riding students when the child’s father watched his daughter sail over her horse’s head as the horse skidded to a halt at a small jump. She was watching and said, “She didn’t sit back.” Said it sort of to herself. Dad was in earshot and he said, “That happens to my daughter all the time. Do you give lessons?”
He was more difficult to deal with than his daughter was, but my friend ended up being a very successful h/j trainer in Central California.
Some people can’t settle for anything less than first place. They’ll have a difficult time going through life because NO one gets the blue ribbon every time.
Very well said!
I only got to do a hand full of shows when I was younger, and now I can’t afford the time or money to show. But I have fond memories of most of my shows and my parents didn’t care if I won or not. They just knew I was having a blast.
I found out that at my first show my dad was really worried that I wasn’t going to win anything (he’s always the pessimist) and was concerned I would be upset about not winning. This was my first show, I think I was 10 and I was so nervous I could hardly speak. It was just a Walk Trot class and a local show, but to me it was a big deal. Well I Grand-Championed the class group with a first, a third, and three seconds (or something like that). I don’t think you could have wiped the smile off my face after if you had tried.
Completely OT, but did you see this article, FHOTD? I found it on the GoHorseShow website:
“Blazing Java AKA Pretzel was Humanely Euthanized on June 8th, 2010 in Purcell, Oklahoma. Pretzel was a 12 year old bay gelding owned and loved by Barbara Stewart of Leduc, Alberta Canada. Pretzel and Barb had just finished qualifying for the 2010 Select World in Western Pleasure. Pretzel was a 2008 2-time NSBA world champion in Western Pleasure, was 3rd in 2008 at the Quarter Horse congress and had 300 Western Pleasure Points. Blazing Java known to many as Pretzel was well known around the Quarter horse circuits.
Pretzel had recently been diagnosed with adult onset Epilepy which is rare in horses., because of the severity of the seizures the painful decision was made to humanely euthanize him.”
What do you think? Is this a cover-up for, horsey was HyPP H/H and surprise, surprise, started having issues?
I don’t know the horse’s full pedigree but he was a Blazing Hot son, so no Impressive on the top side. They can’t be HYPP positive without that. I haven’t yet met an epileptic horse, but they admit it’s rare. Entirely possible they’re being totally truthful. Sad that they lost him so young
Wow – cynic in real life or just on the web?? No Impressive blood… Therefore he’s not NN, he’s not NH, and he’s not HH. Do you think that every QH that shows has Impressive?
The horse’s bloodlines are as follows
Doc’s Hotrodder 1965
0363961 bay
Doc Bar 1956
0076136 chestnut
Hotrodders Jet Set 1979
1520785 bay
Jameen Tivio 1956
0060482 bay
Miss Clique 1973
0968144 bay
Major’s Jet 1959
0166892 sorrel
Blazing Hot 1992
3073506 bay
Bay Clique 1968
0569644 bay
Zippo Pine Bar 1969
0617456 sorrel
Zippo Pat Bars 1964
0409541 sorrel
Tahnee Zippo 1986
2465509 bay
Dollie Pine 1960
0147949 sorrel
Toshi 1981
1714245 bay
Silky Fox 1965
0360664 chestnut
Miss San Sawyer 1967
0522380 bay
——————————————————————————–
DAM side of pedigree Zippo Pine Bar 1969
0617456 sorrel
Zippo Pat Bars 1964
0409541 sorrel
Zippo Jack Bar 1983
2026094 sorrel
Dollie Pine 1960
0147949 sorrel
Fair Eyed Jackie 1976
1168531 sorrel
Two Eyed Jack 1961
0178246 sorrel
Maidens Investment 1993
3231920 sorrel
Scarborough Fair 1970
0705573 chestnut
The Big Investment 1980
1571761 sorrel
The Invester 1969
0586153 sorrel
Investors Maiden 1985
2282576 sorrel
The Country Girl 1975
1101896 chestnut
Sura Shady Maiden 1981
1846762 sorrel
Zippo Pine Bar 1969
0617456 sorrel
Judy Shade 1961
0229459 sorrel
No, I’m not really that cynical, and of course I know they don’t all have Impressive. I just get pretty upset about the whole HyPP QH situation, and from what I’ve read on FHOTD I wouldn’t put it past someone to fudge a diagnosis. I also was very surprised to see “epilepsy” because after 40+ years of being around horses, I didn’t know they could get it. News to this former Ani Sci/pre-vet major! (But this is one reason why I read FHOTD, I’m always learning something)
I should have thought about checking the pedigree, though, and just asked about that (I don’t have any way of looking it up myself, that I know of – don’t you have to be an AQHA member?) Thank you for checking it, and at this point, I’ll just say I’m truly very sorry for the horse’s owners.
A lot of the pedigrees are free on http://www.allbreedpedigree.com – however, this particular horse was not on there.
We had a ferret who was fine until someone accidentally sprayed a bunch of “air freshener” on her… we saved her, but she was prone to seizures for the rest of her long life & on a maintenance dose of phenobarb. The vet listed it in her file as “epilepsy” for lack of a better term…..
I’m in the unenviable position of being my son’s mother, and his trainer. It’s a very strange combination, let me tell you, especially since I was a trainer far longer than I’ve been a mother.
I worked very hard to NOT push my son– maybe too hard, since he really didn’t start riding much until he was ten or twelve. Then he became interested, but we just didn’t have anything for a kid to ride. I bit the bullet, and told him to decide what he wanted, and I would buy it, within reason. I knew I wanted a horse that I could trust with my kid– I’d spent too many years seeing kids overmounted and scared to death.
“Mom, I want a gaited horse.”
Say…. what?
So, I carefully took my preconceived notions of gaited horses, placed them in a nice tight lockbox, and went to someone I knew. Did he know of a truly safe kids horse, gaited? He recommended his four year old Walking horse mare. Yea… right. He finally convinced me to take her out, on her own, to try her on trails. The mare was absolutely amazing. She never put a foot wrong… one little spook, and it was more like she was saying, “See, THIS is how a real horse spooks. See how I flinched and looked, then kept going?” So I tried her one more time, then finally told my son about her. He fell in love, and even better, she fell in love with HIM. The man in question let us try her out repeatedly– we hauled her to trails several times over several weeks. I paid the money, and my son had a broke… gaited… horse.
He’s the only kid with a gaited horse in 4-H, which is the only showing he wants to do for now. I do indeed coach him, and it is sometimes painful– as I’ve told parents for years, it doesn’t matter what a parent says, the kid only listens to the trainer. Needless to say, it’s a bit of a challenge to be both! However, I DO believe it is my responsibility to coach him. I don’t care if he wins or loses, but HE does, so it becomes important to teach patterns, to teach correct horsemanship, and to teach correct sportsmanship.
If you had told me five years ago that I would be coaching my son in how to show a gaited horse, I would have laughed my head off. However, if it is what he wants, then it’s what I want. I bought my own Walker, btw, so that we can have something in common. Besides, he doesn’t share his mare enough to suit me, so I had to get my own.
I guess my point is simple– parents SHOULD be involved in their kids showing. But they always… always… ALWAYS have to remember that it is something their CHILD is doing. It’s for the child, by the child, and because of the child. Don’t ruin it for the child.
Awesome! Exactly my point – you’re a great mom, you let your KID decide what HE wanted to do.
Sniff…you’ll have to excuse me…I’m a little perklempt…
This is such a lovely story.
Thank you for sharing!
Well I can agree on about 90% of it all – parents USUALLY need to butt out completely and keep their thoughts to themselves at shows, BUT as a parent who rode her whole life and started the daughter out at shows (without a trainer) when she was six, I OCCASIONALLY think that I am qualified to offer a comment to my own daughter – to keep her in line more than anything else. Now that she’s 15 and has been showing with a trainer for 7 years, I pretty much stay off to the side and act the part of cheerleader. It’s easy because she does very well and rarely needs help from me. But occasionally I need to set her straight. And I do it privately back at the stall when the class(es) are over. And if I EVER catch her blaming her horse for something, that’s when I open the can of whoopass! Coach is the same way, so it works out well!
THAT sounds great! I think the original article’s point was that it’s super hard for a kid to be getting it from both sides. If they have a trainer, let the trainer train – you are there to cheerlead. If you disagree with the trainer, discuss it when it’s not 15 seconds before the class, privately.
I used to work for a very classy, very wealthy heiress who has won more National Championships than I can count and who has bred countless National Champions. Well, her daughter showed and Mom was very good about being hands off until one day Daughter made a snotty comment about how she was going to win because she was showing Mom’s fancy Western horse. Mom grabbed Daughter and shuffled her off behind the barn so fast that I think Daughter’s feet didn’t even touch the ground. I have no idea what was said, but I’m glad that I wasn’t Daughter that day. Mom was adamant that she would not raise a little snot. In fact, they had some rule that Daughter was allowed to pick her one favorite trophy or rose garland and keep it in her room and the rest lived at the barn. I love that woman.
Also, parents: don’t think that buying an expensive horse that can Do Stuff is a way to shortcut the part where your kid actually learns to ride. My last horse was bought by her previous owner for their teenage daughter, who was fairly new to riding, but the parents had a load of money and wanted her in the ring winning big-style – they bought the horse as an incredibly talented 5-year-old, already doing well at showjumping and dressage, and sold her to us as a screwed-up 7-year-old who was practically unrideable. Horse was mostly fine after a year or so, but should never have ended up in that state.
(My parents only showed up to watch me at a jumping show twice – the only two times I ever fell off mid-round! Ack…)
My parents have the same luck on me
My dad has only seen me ride a hand full of times, mostly just on my SO spoiled old mare. When she reached age 25 I didn’t care what she did or where she went, I was just on top for the ride, and she liked to follow his tractor in the field for some reason…. Either way, he’s actually WATCHED me ride twice. Bucked off both times.
I feel the same way about my parents. They used to watch me a lot and I did okay at shows, but I started driving and so they haven’t been coming. I’ve been doing a lot better!! Recently I was in a 2 day show hosted by my barn. Mom couldn’t come the 1st day and I did better than expected. When she came the second day I bombed my 1st class, but got it together for my second. I think my parents distract me.
As far as being competition driven, I think I’m more driven by myself and my trainer than by them. They are non-horsey and I don’t have my own horse, but they are perfectly content to shell out he big bucks and not have me win anything back. Also, when I was nine, my mom gladly stood out in the cold barn in midwinter so I could finish grooming the school I rode that day. It wasn’t unusual for us to get home 45 minutes after my lesson ended (these are still my favorite kind of students).I think they’re pretty perfect as far as that goes. In fact, I think I need to tell them I love them. I also need to thank them for not being neurotic.
I’ve never taught lessons to horse show students, but as a groom, one pair comes out at me. They were mother and daughter. The daughter was around my age and despite my attempts to be friendly, she never really opened up. They only showed once, and I thought it was a really cool thing to experience together (I’m not sure if they competed in the same classes (HS day is crazy and I don’t usually get to watch the ring)). However, I did notice their assorted relatives. Everyone had something to say. I was astounded. It was quite clear to me that they had limited knowledge, hadn’t come to one of the lessons to watch and were getting downright angry over little mistakes. The pair went from okay to bad in no time flat.
Also as a groom it’s my job to get some of the kids warmed up in a small ring while they’re trainer (my boss) is helping kids show in the big ring. One day I had everyone on in time for their class for 15 minutes except one. We had all wt both ways and had to just canter in one direction. Th little boy comes in to get on his horse about ten minutes before he has to go down to the ring, but his horse is all ready, standing on the aisle, halter over bridle, one of the other girls is walking him over. The mom say nothing, but starts hovering. Unluckily, it was the horse’s 1st class of the day, so he needed a good warm up. Anyway, I had previous experience with this lady. She gave me a dirty look when I tried to pass on the outside of her daughter and her pretty palomino pony mare who was greengreengreen because I was tired of her circling and having an entire side of the ring all to herself. I came into the corner ahead of the mare, but still managed to get squished. When I called “outside”, I got a nasty look from mom and told off by the trainer. That’s right. Everyone in my lesson (4) had to use the far side of the ring while this girl and her self-entitled trainer got the other, bigger side for his 1 girl. I’m rambling, but I’ve been holding this in for so long… ANYWAY, after the boy came late for his show, he got on his horse and I’m trying to organize it so that he can trot on the rail while the other guys get their canters in, but the horse he is riding doesn’t get along with others and I have five beginners in a small ring and one horse that is not going to take kindly to steering issues. The mom has the balls to ask me if he is going to get to canter the other way. I did manage to have him get his canter in one direction, but I sent him down to the ring and gave that mom an exasperated look back. I let them deal with her down there.
This is also the same trainer who asked my feed-tub laden friend to jog this horse in front of him. She said no. I’ve been living vicariously…
There was one horse in a jumper show that did not want to get into the ring. I don’t know who was ringside, but they really forced the rider to get the horse to behave. They go around the jumps decently, but it was clear the horse was green. At the end of the class, the rider looked a little green and threw up a little in the ring because of over-exertion.
I know, big rant, but I really really hate that trainer, that pony (she tries to beat up ‘my’ horse in the paddock), that mom, and her little girl. I really don’t know the boy well enough to judge, but I hope he is the good seed and doesn’t need too much therapy when he’s older.
Ha ha, do I know how that goes. I don’t think we have one decent picture of me showing because my mom always managed to press the shutter release just as soon as my horse did a “dirty stop”. (Learned that terminology downthread, what an apt descriptor!)
I think we have more pictures of me eating dirt than actually *riding* because of her rotten luck with the camera.
I grew up with a horsey mom and a non horsey dad. My Dad would haul me and my pony(the cutest 1/2 welsh 1/2 Arab you have ever seen) to the show, park the trailer and truck and leave. My mom followed in the car with all the show stuff. Dad would leave for the rest of the day, coming back around dark. (all day shows). My mom helped with everything. She was there assisting with every aspect of the show. OMG Immy has dirt on her hoof! OMG Immy sneezed on the show shirt!! Sign up for a class!! Lets work on memorizing the trail pattern! I swear I was covered with mom spit at the end of the day to clean up smudges and other things. She was wonderful. She watched every class, and gave both positive and negative feedback after each class. She was my mom, my trainer and my groom, Until I got old enough to handle most of it on my own, then she started all over with my brother, who had inherited my Immy. It was a great learning experience. I would never trade that experience ever! Although at times I was jealous of the expensive show horse, with the flashy flashy saddle and bridles and the girl with the crazy show clothes, but my mom would ask me to watch the interaction between girl and horse and mother and horse. I wasnt so jealous. At least my pony was my bestfriend and would share my pbj sanwich with me and make little wuffle noises when she saw me, and showing wasnt a job for me. It was a day of fun spent with my mom and pony. I just worked extra hard and saved all my money for my show halter and show tack. I realized i didnt like the crazy show clothes ( i would rather spend $ on my horse then me)
THE BEST DAY EVER: I beat my mom in a open western pleasure on my pony, and she was riding her retired wp quarter mare. IT was great! I dont know if my mom lost on purpose, but what a boost of confidence for a little girl and her little welsh arab pony (with the arab trot, arched neck and flag tail) competing against those quarter horses.
those were the days.
i hope one day to have a little girl of my own and surprise her with her own pony!!
In my 45 years of showing, I’ve seen it all, but I’ve seen way more spoiled brat Drama Queen pre-teen and teen girl riders to last me a lifetime. I’ve seen little 6 year old girls scream at their non-horsey mothers, “I said I wanted the GREEN shirt, not the blue one! You are so stupid, why you didn’t pack it!” I am always tempted to grab them out of the saddle and shake them good. Just this past weekend, I saw a tiny tot screaming at her mother to get this, do that, hurry up. For me growing up, going to a horse show meant riding my horse to the show grounds and carrying everything I needed for the day with me and I started when I was 10 years old. My parents never even went to the shows with me. I didn’t get a trailer until I was married. My mother bought me one outfit to show in on sale for $7.50 and I wore it until I grew out of it. Showing should be a priviledge, not a right. Just once, I’d like to see some parents pull the kid off the horse and go home until the kid learned some respect. I have seen some 4-H mothers that I wish would just stay home. They sit in their lawn chairs and scream instructions to their child until the poor kids are in tears. Of course, but the time their class comes, they are upset and downtrodden and look and act like it. Momma might have shown in 4-H herself, but that was 40 years ago and things have changed. One mother brought her daughter a horse that was way too much horse for her and let her take it in barrels. The horse came in like a rocket and dumped the kid at the first barrel. As everyone ran to the child laying in the dirt asking if she was okay, the mother came up SCREAMING at her for falling off. Everyone on the show grounds was ready to linch her on the spot. People still talk about her.
Oh, I know. We were at a show not long ago and it was just swimming in herds of Snotty Teen. They did not look like they were having fun AT ALL and were wearing more makeup than Lady Gaga and snatching on their horses’ faces nonstop.
What happened to good old fashioned respect? Respect everyone- including your child, your parents, the judges, the other competitors AND your horse!
I would LOVE to read a post where some of the old fashioned Equine Ediquette rules that should still be respected gets laid out.
*snork* I was at a show last year, and it was raining. In the lineup waiting to do our EQ patterns, there is a teen about my age sitting on her horse next to me. I look over,and she is STREAMING mascara and eyeliner down her face. It looked like she got attacked by a fountain pen! She thought she was pretty hot stuff, too. Apparently she didn’t know her horse traveled like an upside-down banana, and was about as flexible. They almost wiped out a whole bunch of times because we were showing on grass, in the rain. She got excused for her horse rearing. One other person who rides at the same barn got excused for his mare running backwards to kick at another horse. And one horse from the same barn had to be led by two people, but never showed. This was a 4-H show! (The horses from that barn are all nutjobs.)
Being on the show committee of one of the larger horse clubs in our area I have seen many many things from both kids and parents. Parents who show up at the booth as soon as you open the door and demand the patterns be posted NOW. Parents who argue about rules, parents who complain because you didn’t hold the gate for their little prince or princess(we called 3 times), parents who insist their child take an obviously lame horse in yet another class and then don’t understand why they aren’t getting a ribbon. Parents who stand at the rail and scream(because the judge doesn’t notice this!) Parents who jump on the judge as soon as their child is done showing demanding to know why they didn’t win……oh yeah…it’s all out there.
But I have to say, I have seen some really horribly behaved kids too. Kids, who if they spoke to me in that way, or behaved in that way, would have their horse loaded in the trailer and their butt in the truck quicker than they could blink. Teens old enough to be there by themselves complaining at the show booth that they missed their class because their mom didn’t tell them this was it (who is showing, you or mom – if you were 6 I’ll buy it, 17…not so much) Kids who stop along the rail and scream “WATER!” at their parents who can’t jump up fast enough to get it. Kids who yank and spur and yank and spur non-stop on horses whose ears are permanently pinned and who I secretly wish would dump the little monsters on their backs. Kids who walk over to the trash to throw away any ribbon that’s not blue (seriously, if you are not going to keep the ribbon, give it back they are expensive!). Kids who take their horses back to the trailer and kick and hit them because they didn’t win. Kids who don’t want to pay for the classes they are scratching because “the judge doesn’t like me”..(read the showbill).
My own kids showed, open and 4H shows. Some days they did really well, some days the didn’t, but they always said they had fun. I tried to stay out of their way as much as I could, and help as much as they wanted me to. Sometimes it was good that I was in the show booth and not easily accessible! They never were handed a finished horse, so if they did well, it was because they worked at it. I have to say, I really enjoyed those years when they were young and so thrilled to be going to any show, thrilled to get any ribbon and even more thrilled when they placed ahead of someone they knew always did well. My son once said at the end of the show day, “That third I got was the best ribbon I got all day, did you see who I beat!!! It was great!” It didn’t matter that he had gotten a couple of firsts too. I have also heard my daughter say, “I was really pleased with my rides today.” Not even mentioning any ribbons or placings. They learned early on, showing is about doing your best – having your best ride, and HAVING FUN! It’s not about the ribbon at all.
I lived in AZ for a while and you really haven’t seen anything until you’ve been to the Scotsdale Arabian show. It’s really something to see a kid drive up to the ring in their pimped out golf cart driven by show mom with the diamonds and a drink, pick up her horse from the Hispanic groom, warm up with that horrid face jerking style, do the class, get off the horse hand it to the groom and drive away. Sigh.
My kids have a leased pony and the moment they stop caring for her, she will return to her owner. I don’t “groom” for them. If they want to ride they have to groom, and saddle up. Well, not my 5 year old but she is way more interested in brushing Merry Legs long white tail than worrying about a saddle. She much prefers to hop on bareback, either the pony or the 19 year old QH mare we bought for the kids and non-horsey hubby!! Before we even looked for a pony I made sure that the kids understood that it was a living breathing creature that would need lots of love and care and exercise, and so far they have been great about it! My 10 year old son even apologized tonight about not being able to ride her because he had homework to get done!! All three kids are responsible for some aspect of the horses care and whether or not they ever ride as adults they will have learned that it is a big responsibility and not one to be taken lightly. I hope they will have learned the value and joy that comes from caring for another living being. Along with that it would be nice if they had some fond memories of riding with their mom!! How great can life get
Saw exactly the same at the LA Equestrian Center when I was there watching a show… I’m not even sure that most of those people know *how* to groom a horse, since they have People to do that for them. What a shame.
Ok. I must step in as professional trainer and a former show groom. WE DON’T WANT THE CLIENTS PREPPING THEIR OWN HORSES. You were at the Scottsdale show, which is a very big deal. This is no joke kind of stuff. It isn’t pony club or 4-H.. not that those shows are a joke, but just a different sort of pressure or the training barns. This is the show where two million dollar horses are bought and sold. Polite clients and kids stay out of the way so that the show grooms can do their jobs. It’s hard to explain, but for a show groom at this level it is a matter of pride. When I was a child, my parents took me to a 5 star restaurant. I dropped my fork on the floor and picked it up before our assigned waiter had the chance to pick it up. The waiter apologized and got the manager who also apologized profusely, as a matter of taking pride in their service. Now, imagine a training barn as a five star hotel or restaurant… the service is impeccable. If a client gets a grease spot on their $5000.00 show outfit, that is a reflection on the level of service from the grooms. Sure, there are a lot of diamonds, golf carts, and booze at big shows, but what you don’t see is the fact that many of these clients have their own farms, and do their own breeding, and do foal watch at home, and have practice horses at home, and even help out with the pre-work at shows.
Honestly, at shows I longe my horse and do the basic stuff like that but I leave the fine grooming up to my trainer. I have no idea WTF to do with the shiny stuff, which shiny stuff goes where, etc. and I’m more than happy to leave that up to her!
By the way, I forgot to ask what difference it makes if the groom are Hispanic. Is it OK for all of the people who have illegal Canadian grooms just because they look and kind of sound American???
*giggle* my parents took me to a 5-star restaurant once when I was in kindergarten or 1st grade (it was one actually featured on one of those Folger’s Crystals commercials), and I still remember being nonplussed about the lack of “burger” on the menu……. Why they brought me along I have NO idea…..
It’s the same mentality a lot of folks have: “Even if I had millions of dollars, I would NEVER have such a fancy car/fancy house/fancy servants etc.” Well…. you’re dealing with a different echelon here.
We have some family friends who are Serious Old Railroad Money, with some prerequisite eccentrcities. They tended to collect stray animals, including a truly evil baby raccoon. My mother about DIED when she saw the raccoon’s room – it had destroyed the original raw silk wallcoverings, and Anne was all like “Oh well…. ”
Now, in my (limited) experience, the high-level Arabian folks REALLY LIKE shiny things. The women are always wearing perfect makeup, elaborate manicures, and sparkly rocks, even if they ARE on foal watch or cleaning stalls – and could either be superrich or schoolteachers.
Oh yeah, the more bling the better.. Arab people LOVE shiny stuff. And, yes, they do wear the gigantic rock for foal watch or for cleaning their stalls at home. I too was not at all impressed with the lack of my typical favorite kids food when my folks took me to the 5 star restaurant.
I am with OneMuddyTB. Would have loved support from my parents over my very “painful” addiction to the beauty of horses. They did everything they could (not really deliberately) to not allow me the dream of owning or riding horses in my youth. Consequently, I was in my late 40s before I ever owned a horse. An old retired Appendix/QH jumper with navicular/bad feet who was given to me till “death did us part.” Found out later in life that my father’s brother had been kicked to death by a horse tangled in barbed wire (another of your topics) back in the early 30s. Dad was terrified of it happening to his kid and unconsciously deprived me of the joy of horse ownership or even riding. I sure loved my Breyers, tho! LOL
Today at 57 with my second free horse…an older TB/appy gelding with more spice than a 10 year old, they are happy for me, but not really supportive….still too scared I will die. I have owned Bo for almost three years and they have not seen him yet and have NEVER seen me ride. My three grown children have never much cared for horses either. Now, as a grandmother of six I just hope one of them will be horse crazy and I can share with them. I am carefully reading all these posts so I can be a “dream parent” instead of the horrors you speak of should one of my grandchildren wish to ride or show horses. A little OT here, but relavent?
Wow, I think pretty much anyone who has shown has witnessed the “evil parents.” I have seen all kinds who push their kids beyond the point of reason; funny, you usually don’t see those kids after a season or two. Reminds me of the movie The Horse in the Grey Flannel Suit.
Parents who know NOTHING about the sport, yet get mad when their kids don’t win. (Although I have seen the parents who know a ton about horses and just cannot quit “picking” at their kids.)
Truly, I have seen the most of the other kind of awful parent; you know, the ones who talk trash about anyone and everyone who places above their precious child. Ack, those are the worst. Or, all the excuses in the WORLD as to why their kid didn’t place, “the judge only likes quarter horses,” “that girl’s mom knows the ring steward,” “the judge only saw her fancier show clothes,” “she is on a $30K horse (funniest part about this one is that the horse is usually anything BUT a $30K horse, and the kid winning usually has worked their hiney off to make their $1,000 backyard horse go nicely in the show ring, thus they are a better rider for it- at least that is true around here),” etc.
I had it both good and bad when I was a kid. On one hand, I am lucky that I had parents who supported my horsey habit, many kids don’t even get a chance to own a horse, let alone compete. On the other hand, they were SO into wanting to live the “horse person life” through me that I usually received a screaming fit when I wouldn’t take their advice (let me add that neither parent has ever ridden thus their suggestions were, um, bizarre and way-off to say the least). Then I started taking lessons from an excellent trainer here locally. For a while my parents still tried to tell me how to ride, but I could respond with, “well, before we change anything let’s ask (trainer’s name) about that at the next lesson.” They learned VERY quickly that they hadn’t a clue, and what they thought was “common sense” sooo did not apply to horses. Still, to this day I am very grateful that I had parents who supported my expensive horsey habit. During my childhood I received so many valuable horsie lessons, and obtained hundreds of hours of experience that never would have been possible without their support and willingness to haul me around to the shows/lessons.
I thank the Lord that in being an adult the only “difficult” parents I have to put up with are the strangers that I may (unfortunately) overhear yelling at their children at the shows. As I have been showing in my adult years, it is amazing how low stress showing is when I can just go, have fun, rake in a few ribbons, and hang out with my fellow horse lovers and faithful 4 legged companions without having to turn down “pointers” from the ‘rents.
Ocassionally my father will come to an in-town show try out his new camera lens or new camera toy… which is TOTALLY fine with me, I love the pictures! It also helps that the most he will say about my riding at this point in my life is “congratulations.”
I too was lucky with my ‘rents! My horse was totally unsutiable for me. He was 4, very green. I was 14, could stay on most things but was not exactly worlds greatest rider! Anyway we used to get eliminated at EVERY show we went too. My horse would stop at everything whilst showjumping, I can remember one class the whole crowd cheered when we finally got over fence 1!
He did get better and we eventually moved on to affiliated eventing but he always had the dirty stops in him and we frequently got eliminated. I’d come back after doing ‘the walk of shame’ from the xc course and mum and dad would tell me how well I had ridden parts of the course and how my horse would get there in the end. It was extremely deflating though watching other girls my age soar round on very smart, expensive horses. I used to be very jealous until one day I saw this poor girl gettig a right rolliking from her father for having a pole down show jumping. He was swearing away, poor girl was in tears. No one shold have that sort of pressure put on them, especially at her age.
As mentioned above, a lot of these ‘pushy’ parents are often trying to live their dreams through their children because they failed to do so when they were younger. Yes I wished I had the big smart lorry, the £4000 worth of tack and the very smart, straightforward, aim and kick horse. But if it means getting shouted at for having a pole down, I think i’ll stick to my crappy trailer, 2nd had saddle and my very opionated horse thank you very much!
Yay, Rose, I like your attitude! I’m not an eventer, so I have to ask: What’ a “dirty stop”? Does the horse stop and you hit the dirt? If so, I guess we’re all eventers in a way.
I think she meant when they REALLY act like they’re going to jump and then duck out or slam on the brakes at the last minute.
Yep, a dirty refusal or a dirty stop is a horse that commits you to going over the jump with him or her, and then stops cold, often with a particular little move where they drop their shoulders and head. It’s evil to stay on– sometimes darn near impossible. The worst part is that you can’t really prepare for it, since in order to stay back far enough to stick that kind of stop, you have to get ‘left behind’ on your jumps.
So a horse that refuses or stops dirty often dumps even good riders, and is never much of a joy to ride. I would imagine the term comes not from people hitting the dirt (although that makes sense), but more likely because if you are ‘dirty’, you are crooked or not playing by the rules.
When the people I know say dirty stop it means that the horse went like it was going to go, then stopped at the last moment, usually dropping his shoulder. That dropped shoulder makes it very likely for the rider to go flying into the fence, and it’s very dangerous.
Thanks for the definition. Colorful wreck terminology might be an interesting discussion
>>even if you’re a dressage person, you get your kid a barrel horse and you put on ropers and you drink a beer and hoot and holler with everything else.<<
I would draw the line at listening to C/W music. Give them a kidney, yeah. Listen to pedal steel guitar, Oh*Hell*No.
Seriously, tho, I think the worst thing is criticism. Doesn't have to be a parent and it doesn't have to involve a horse. If you want to kill all enthusiasm in a person, just start ripping into them. Pick out all their mistakes and don't give them any positive feedback. I watched a friend kill all joy for riding in both of her kids and then snip at them for losing interest. Talk about a no-win situation! I tried to discuss it with her, but it didn't work. Nowadays, I wouldn't stop at a discussion. Criticism in the wrong hands can be poison.
The unfortunate other side of that equation is over-confidence in the kids; my friend has a teenage son who is an excellent rider, and can stick on even a very difficult horse, so he’d often end up riding “problem” horses at his mom’s orders… but he’s also a teenage boy, and his mom’s confidence in him often leads him to be cocky and lazy. He’ll often skip over groundwork preparation or just completely ignore the feedback the horse is giving him on whether or not it’s ready to ride. Heaven forbid there are other people around, because he’ll do really foolish things for the sake of showing off his “amazing” horsemanship skills. He dragged himself in from a ride one day with a broken arm after riding a horse that I’d repeatedly told them they shouldn’t be riding yet but that my friend had insisted her son could handle. (I didn’t think they should ride the horse because the horse itself was really mentally screwed up and needed time off, not because I was maligning the son’s riding skills.) While his mom drove him to the hospital, I put the horse away and found that he’d used a saddle that didn’t fit and wasn’t cinched as well as it should have been, and the breastcollar wasn’t fitted correctly at all. When I brought it up with her later, I was brushed off… which wasn’t a surprise, as people who’d previously criticized the practices of her son were dismissed as being jealous of his talent. *eyeroll*
I hate to see parents browbeat their kids, but hands-off isn’t always great either.
I think it’s important to remember that kids of whatever age are still kids… you can nurture their talents while still supervising their activities and keeping them safe. We can’t always rely upon our teenagers to be as level-headed as they are talented.
My parents always just humored the fun I was having. We sort of got suckered into showing when none of us really wanted to, but it worked out alright. I placed well in the big regional youth show and it was awesome – I didn’t get anything at state, and though my trainer and I were disappointed, my parents were just happy to see me riding!
And they knew when to step in, finally. My trainer, when I couldn’t get my horse over a jump in my first class with fences, was very angry with me. She said something like, “That girl needs some drugs to get her to calm down,” and it was dead serious and pissed. My dad came to me a few days later with a small list of nearby trainers, telling me it was time to move on. This woman was a decent horsewoman with a good selection of horses for her kids, but she was very results-focused. I wanted to show to have fun, not to stress out about winning every time. She also yelled a lot and while I didn’t “get it” when I was 12, it is no fun to be constantly shouted at.
We lucked out and wound up finding a woman who lives 7 minutes away (versus 35), has a string of horses from William Woods University that range from a quarter horse packer to some seriously $$$$$ warmbloods that were donated because, oh darn, they can’t jump 6 feet anymore…they sure can hop over 2’6” nicely, though! xD She’s only ever gotten frustrated with me when she knows I can do what I’m saying/acting like I can’t, and I’ve never had her yell at me for being scared. It was an entirely new experience and one I am totally blessed to have, and my parents love the low-stress environment.
I’m SO lucky to not have horse show parents. I saw it happen at shows big and small and just…yeesh! Let the kid have fun! As my current instructor says, this pursuit is just too damn expensive to not be having FUN!
Hey, I went ot William Woods for school! You’re so right, it’s amazing what gets donated. I was in the western program, and they had anything from a barely broke Spanish Andalusian to a couple of paint championship winners, one who has navicular but LOVES to show, and one whose owner did nothing BUT show him, and he got seriously pissed. Gorgeous horse, amazing jog and movement, just HATED going in circles all day. Oh yea, there were reiners, Arabs, and this seriously gorgeous half Andalusian gelding that I fell in love with. He won something like 8 Champion/Reserve champion ribbons just in the first year I was there.
I didn’t show until I got to school, so I didn’t have to deal with what my overprotective mother would have done if she would have gone to the shows. That was one thing about going to a school like that- everyone’s of like mind! We had intense discussions on leads or stops or saddles in the cafeteria, and you saw breeches and half-chaps or jeans and spurs all over. It made showing fun, because you got to do it with your friends, and they could actually help you on what you needed help with, but wouldn’t totally flip when you lost. After all, they just bombed their last class, so you could have a pity party together!
Hey, PD -
I live west of STL myself and your barn sounds REALLY good! I’d love to know where you ride. Can you please share the name of the barn?
Thanks much!
Well luckily for me I don’t have to deal with people often, that’s my bosses job but we have had some pretty nutty owners over the last few years.
Owner 1 had a really really nice horse, unfortunately he bowed both his front tendons, a lot of money was spent on stem cell surgery but no success. The horse retired undefeated at an allowance level (pretty big money, would have been a stakes horse he kept getting excluded due to only running once a year) in 4 starts. He raced until he was 6, so basically we would get him ready to race then race him and as soon as he raced he’d go so sore he needed a full year off. That went on for 4 years. The owner then got a filly that was this horses half sister and of course owner expected the same talent as her brother but would hopefully stay sound, the trainer had high hopes for her as well. Even though this filly stayed sound, she couldn’t have outrun me in a pair of rubber boots. She continued to be out run in races over and over again. The trainer was going to enter her for bottoms which is $5000 claiming, the owner refused saying that horse should never ever be entered for less than allowance, because her brother never was and she’s just like her brother. The trainer ended up booting the owner out and telling him to find another trainer.
We had another owner that had absolutely NO respect for owner/trainer boundaries. She knew it all and the trainer was to train the horse exactly as she said. She knows it all, but she has to hire a trainer because she can’t pass her trainers test to get the license. The test is NOT that hard if you are even somewhat competent. Here is a list of the things she has done in the last few years
– Owns a stallion who is a nobody bred (omg he has northern dancer 7 gens back!) duck footed sway backed ignorant prick. She cant find a trainer for him because she insists on taking him home every week or two to breed mares. He now an 8yr old maiden who was a non-starter until last month, and he now has a 2yo son we call will call Junior who is still a stud out of a POS mare which has all the same faults as his sire, but he has a disgustingly long back paired with that sway back and is twice as ignorant and ugly. He can run just about as fast as well. Yes he has been breeding mares.
– Decided that since Junior doesn’t come back to the barn after training with his nuts sucked up he doesn’t suck them up at all (horses will suck them up as they gallop (if they can’t its time to cut them out) and if they are still sucked when they come back to the barn he is VERY likely about to have a heart attack). She then decided that the best solution to this was to rub mouthwash on his nuts before he gallops. If the non stop burning didn’t sour him to the point that he loses his brain the resulting blister would.
- Wanted to take junior back to the farm to truck train 10 miles a day every day down the wrong side of the highway and into a tilled field that is still half frozen at a full out gallop so she could rub said mouthwash on his nuts because we completely flat out refused. No I am not exaggerating.
- Came to the track, got a gallop license and wanted to gallop her own horse. She had a license so okay fine. She shows up with a bike helmet, runners and a really baggy jacket. We warned her she wouldn’t be able to gallop the horse on the track as she is kind of a bratty thing and she is extremely tough (likes to run off). She said the horse is fine at the farm (probably because she knows she has to save her energy over 8-16 miles) and that I was not as good of a rider as her so if I could handle the horse than so could she. She goes out to the track, and immediately this filly started galloping despite the owners protesting LOL, but okay fine. Worst form I have ever seen in my life, but galloping race horses is more about getting them around there and making sure they get something out of it, not looking pretty so okay fine. They get going a little faster and the owners jacket starts flapping in the wind because she didn’t do up the zipper. Filly goes “holy fuck its a horse eating jacket” and takes the appropriate evasive action which she decided was RUN LIKE HELL! After 4 full rounds of running like hell totally out of control, she decides she’s had enough of that and wants that idiot off her back. She picks up some speed and heads straight towards the outside fence on the track. At the last minute she hit the brakes as hard as she could and proceeded to buck as hard as she could. Owner went flying into the fence and the whole track was shut down for 20 minutes so the ambulance could haul her off (she wasn’t really that hurt, but she had to milk it that she was already hurt before figuring that it would make it not her fault).
- Oh yeah, she runs a “rescue” which she funds by meeting people on http://www.dateamillionaire.com. It is a rundown POS with 50 some horses in one big pasture (and you guessed it, the studs are in there too!). The whole property is kind of like a valley, so the horses and the house have to sit in 3-5 feet of water every spring when the snow melts
Seriously though, if you own a horse, spend some freaking money on a good one then shut up and listen to them. Feel free to discuss things with them that concern/interest you, but let them do their job.
Holy Crraaaaaaap….she so needs to be on my blog.
This alone:
“– Owns a stallion who is a nobody bred (omg he has northern dancer 7 gens back!) duck footed sway backed ignorant prick. She cant find a trainer for him because she insists on taking him home every week or two to breed mares. He now an 8yr old maiden who was a non-starter until last month, and he now has a 2yo son we call will call Junior who is still a stud out of a POS mare which has all the same faults as his sire, but he has a disgustingly long back paired with that sway back and is twice as ignorant and ugly. He can run just about as fast as well. Yes he has been breeding mares.”
PAINFUL!
Oh hell, she’s only got 5 of those. The two thoroughbreds, a clyde TB cross stud who’s itty bitty feet and legs on a great big body, a paint who’s not even halter broke and does nothing but breed, another paint who is not only HYPP H/N being bred to untested q/h and paint mares, he also throws 1 or 2 lethal whites every year.
I don’t think you could feature her on the blog because other than dating sites she is completely computer illiterate. No website, no forums, nothing and anything I have that I could give you she could easily trace back to me. She wouldn’t learn a thing from it even if you did feature her anyway, people have been trying to tune her in for YEARS.
I am still laughing at her method of funding her “rescue.” Well shoot at least I guess they are (maybe?) getting something for their cash, unlike all those poor folks on ABR who continually send their retirement funds to $cammers!
Yeah that is definitely creative, like you said at least those guys are gettin a little somthin for it lol. She can get away with it though, she’s 40 years old with no kids and the body of a 20yr old, she’s just freaking NUTS… It never gets old though, Neither does that little episode on the track. That was two years ago and everyone is STILL laughing about it. Oh I forgot to mention that it was not her fault and the outrider was just being a big ol’ meanie by revoking her license on the grounds that she was a danger to others… That was the second time they revoked her gallop license, at least that I know of anyway…..
My boyfriend is was your typical backwoods redneck teenager that has trashed his fair share of vehicles, and the one day he was dumb enough to go with her in the truck when she was “truck training” he came back white as a god damn ghost he was so scared.
What on earth is “truck training”? And do I really want to know?
I want to know too. If it sounds like I think it might (ponying your horse w/ a truck?), it sounds like the worst idea ever…
Although I’ve never experienced this with horses (I didn’t have horsey parents and I’m too young to be one), I can draw some pretty strong comparisons. I volunteer with Youth Theatre groups, and worked for half a year with a group of 8-10 year old children. Most of them were lovely, aside from one brute of a child. Wouldn’t listen to a thing you said, shouted constantly, nearly broke a child’s arm in the first session- you know the type. We took this up with his mother, expecting some tips on what to do when he was getting out of control etc. Instead, we got;
‘If you had children you’d understand but because you don’t you never will’ (to which Youth Theatre leader pointed out that a) she was 30 and could have 12 kids at home as far as this woman knew and b) she teaches 300 children a week and knows each and every one, so probably has the mother angle)
‘It’s because you’re a woman, he can’t relate to you’.
This isn’t a case of losing control- this kid is clever and he stops at the right time to avoid too much trouble, hence why he hasn’t been kicked out yet. He and his excuse making mother were enough to stop me volunteering with a group that I loved.
Does this brat in the theatre group have a decent father living at home? It sounds so like a boy who needs his dad to put him straight. There are things that fathers know best – like making a boy toe the line – where a mother waves her hands and “tries to understand”.
I guess I was lucky. My mom probably lived her horse dreams vicariously through me, but she never made a peep about anything, she was just happy to show up and hold my horse and wipe my boots before the show ring, all that stuff. My mom was a single mom and now that I am adult and struggle just to sustain myself, I realize now how much she sacrificed for me to be involved in the horse world, although I was always riding borrowed horses with a lot of borrowed equipment, trailers, etc.
It’s such a shame when you see parents get their kids worked up to the point that they are not having any fun. I was coaching a girl who had a cute pony, and she was a good, quiet, sympathetic rider. Before her dressage test, they were going beautifully in the warm-up. Inside the ring, horse and rider got tense, came above the bit; the test was fine but not nearly as nice as the warm-up. Which, you know, happens. She wasn’t even out of the ring and the tears were streaming, face red and she was SOBBING. I understood she was disappointed but I had a hard time understanding why she was THAT upset…. UNTIL her mother caught up with us. “What the hell happened”, “why didn’t you pull him together” “i guess I wasted good money on this show” “maybe we should just sell the horse” …. on and on it went, all the way back to the barn. YIKES
I tried to calm everyone down but it was a lost cause. I don’t think the girl is riding anymore.
I think the most important distinction for me is that my folks were good parents, and that made me a better horseperson because I was accountable for my behavior. I started taking lessons at 7, and progressed up with different trainers at different barns, like most suburban kids. My parents knew nothing about horses, at all, but rose to the challenge by driving me around, helping pay for lessons, etc.
But, even though they could barely distinguish one end of a horse from the other, they raised me to be respectful and dedicated. When I got dropped off at the trainers’, I was expected to obey my trainer, be respectful to the other students or riders at the barn, and treat the animals humanely. So you better believe if my mother caught me leaving a mess in the barn, or giving my trainer attitude, or otherwise being a rude kid she would have laid into me. “This is a privilege, not a right” was the mantra – and I knew I had to be on my best behavior to earn those privileges.
I wish more non-horsey parents did the parenting (positive or negative feedback as appropriate) and left the riding instruction to the experts!
Stick to what you know, and glow with pride when your kid is not only a talented rider taking home those blues, but a kind and respectful human being who people actually enjoy competing with haha.
I get the greatest kick out of showing my 3 year old midget QH. I ride her in Jr. WP against the girls with the polished horses, $5000 saddles, and the fancy show clothes. She may lap every other horse in the class but her ears are up and I’m grinning at her being silly and rolling with laughter when my “out of control horse” freaks out the other horses. I even had a grandmother of the “girl that wins everything because she has rich parents” tell me I should take my filly back to the schooling pen and slow her down. I told her that at least my filly was happy and I wasn’t stressed about showing her.
You keep going with her. Sorry but as long as you aren’t sideswiping people/cutting them off, if their horse gets upset about a faster horse, they are the ones who failed Training 101.
Believe it or not I’M the one getting sideswiped and cut off! I really think this little girl would be a great H/J pony. She moves so flat kneed at the trot and has a great cadence at the canter. She shows a lot of potential as a jumper with great scope and style for being so young. I have the local H/J barn looking into her now so hopefully she’ll find her perfect kid/small adult. P.S. She’s my avatar
Very cool – I agree, she probably just wants to jump and good for you for not trying to force her into the wrong niche!
I had a pony once who consistently passed all the horses. I did show him mainly huntseat and hunter hack, but it was truly worth a giggle when some bratty show kid would want to be ‘first’ in the ring, for effect. I would try to explain, give up, follow them in, and then of course pass them… on the long side….. so their horse was covered. And of course, the way small shows go… I’d end up passing them again when we reversed. If only they had listened! lol.
So true…my 16.3 OTTB is still in training 101 learning to ignore the trotting speed daemon ponies that pass us in the ring.
As part of his training I encourage others riding ponies at home to pass him rather than circle. He’s getting better, but it takes time. I often wonder what he’s thinking as he doesn’t seem to mind other horses passing.
He doesn’t do anything bad – he just speeds up whenever a pony goes by.
See, you’re doing what works – desensitizing him to the Scary Thing at HOME instead of getting angry at the world when someone dares to bring a horse that might possible distract yours to a public event…how dare they, LOL.
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Shit happens at shows, I don’t even show and I know that better than the big time show man at the barn I board at. My horse is very green and very stubborn and my trainer was just leading around the arena and decided to lead over a ground pole that was between the jump standards. Jump standards were the devil apparently that day. Well horse said no way, started backing up, trainer went to reposition herself so she didn’t get into a pulling match, horse jumped backward, she stepped on ground pole and slipped into the horse (who is very very good about staying out of your bubble) so in all the effort of trying to avoid flying trainer ended up sitting on butt and then rolling onto back to get up and away from trainer who was also sitting on her butt in the dirt. While this was going on, big show man was cantering his 2 year old wp AQHA top of the world gelding around. He spooked, he jabbed him with spurs, he bucked. And bucked and bucked. Well he hit the dirt and proceeded to yell at me because my piece of shit horse was never going to amount to anything and I should just put a bullet in its head and why didnt I just spend the money and buy a horse with papers (I should have told him that my unpapered “rescue” has had several offers as an unbroke 2 year old, one up to $3000). So I asked him, now what happens if a horse spooks or bucks around your horse at your shows? His answer, “horses at breed shows dont have blow ups, they are better than that. Its the open shows that allow pigs like yours that have blow ups.” Like I said, I don’t show, I just have a really really hard time believing that NO horses ever have bad days or blow up at shows. Especially these 2 yr old wp horses like his who just lope circle after circle after circle every day in the same arena until show day. Okay, vent over.
Um, I will reference back to last year’s super-snooty Reichert Celebration, where a trainer lost control of his colt and it MOUNTED another horse in the ring. Haven’t seen that an open show.
Shit happens. Everywhere. Honestly, it’s just different shit. You might have a horse zoom by you at an open show, but you’ll get flat out cut off if not sideswiped or shouldered at a breed show.
Or a certain charming trainer who was dumped a few years ago at Congress, while riding a young WP horse. Yea… they don’t act up there at all. Pfffft.
Silly me, I thought the whole point of training them to lope around looking semi-conscious was that they were supposed to be calm and even tempered. Guess not!
Alliecat, some of the nuttiest, spookiest, most ‘hardwired to blow’ horses I have ridden were pleasure horses. Some are wonderful and quiet, but some of them are downright idiots if they ever do get their heads up and look around.
Um, I ride my horses through anything that may happen at home with no problem. This guy sounds like an ass. If you can’t ride through traffic, lungeing, etc at home, then what will you do at a show around golf carts, grounds crew, lungers, etc at a show? I know that many people here think that plastic bags and fire extinguishers are the devil, but if we blow a poof of smoke from a fire extinguisher at a horse, or shake a bag at them they go right through it without a problem. And you know what, they don’t have a problem at shows when the arena has a buzz, the crowd is cheering, the DJ is pumping, and shit happens.
Yes…training 101 is coming in handy. At our first open show, we arrived the night before in order to get LBR accustomed to the surroundings. We led him in the indoor arena for a while to get used to everything. After about 20 minutes, I started to ride him. He was one cool horse (literally – it was an air conditioned arena). He was doing great until one of the other three riders in the arena loped past use so close that she brushed us.
I asked her to please pass carefully as my horse was green and might kick (he has NEVER kicked). On the next pass, I could tell she was going to brush us again so my training 101 shoulder out move and a sternly spoken “Look Out” came in handy:-)
Maybe your OTTB has had experiences with tough ponies. We had a little black 9 hand shetland devil. He ruled the TB’s. He stayed at one end of the field and when we rode past he would dash out and attack. Maybe your young guy is on guard. He’ll figure it out with practice.
LOL! Had that happen to me with my 28 year old “bulldog” 14.1 hand AQHA gelding. I’ve done games and trail riding most of my 40 years, but decided a local adult western pleasure class would be fun. Dusted off my Simco barrelsaddle, purchased some pretty used blingy tack (bridle, breast collar, used show blanket, used show shirt, etc. at a local used tack shop) to match and off we went. He is a been-there, done-that horse so I knew he’d take care of me. I took Cody in the class alongside bang-tailed, hop-skippy AQHA and APHA WP horses bedecked in $5000 worth of tack and high-dollar-trained 20-something girls in show clothes that probably cost more than my horse trailer did. They all towered over us. We did ok during the walking and jogging, but when asked for the lope, Cody decided it was time for some real fun and grabbed the bit after 3 strides and we played NASCAR pony, passing everything. I’m talking freight train with me hauling on him and laughing and begging the old fart to slow down. There were about 7 or 8 in the class and only 4 placings so I KNEW we had blown the class, so I just started a running commentary under my breath, telling him what an old fart he was and that this wasn’t very amusing and would he JUST SLOW THE HECK DOWN??? What had gotten into him? He was usually the horse we have to offer a cup of coffee to to get him to walk and NOW he decides he’s in the Kentucky Derby? People along the rail heard me and were snickering. After 3 rounds or so, his arthritis kicked in and he decided to slow down, but by then they’d asked for the walk again. During the line up, I smiled like I was looking for votes, all the while cursing the old fart. He kept flicking his ear back at me as if to say, “Wasn’t that cool Mom? I finally figured out that I can move faster than a turtle….ain’t I awesome? Huh? Huh?” When our name and number was called for 4th place I was shocked! WHAT?!?! No way?!? Not after those NASCAR laps we took! As I came out of the arena, my daughter laughed telling me how the judge seemed impressed that the obviously old horse was in control the whole time, just going fast. I had placed because 3 of the artsy-fartsy horses couldn’t handle us passing them (yes it was all safely, just fast) and they were bucking and throwing fits…and one of the girls almost went off. I also got the “take some lessons and train that horse” and “if you don’t know how to show stay out of the arena” and “that worthless piece of shit horse” comments. Ummmm…LOCAL OPEN SHOW…I never broke any rules nor was my horse ever out of control nor interfering with anyone else’s…..we were just…well….NASCAR Pony! LOL!
I suspect Nascar Pony is a LOT of fun to ride. I’d probably love him!
I love it! This is actually exactly what my 28 year old semi-retired dressage mare would do in an open class—lap the competition. I can just picture this little older guy zooming around, because I’ve ridden it!
I think you made my afternoon with the Nascar pony comment too. I hope you keep taking him to those shows, those girls need the reality injection!
He actually was so sore the next day that he was lame. I felt so guilty to see him like that, but it was HIS choice to go fast. Yep he loved it, but he paid for it the next few days. Poor old man. That was last fall. Since then he’s had it good since his age is catching up to him and his arthritis has now kept him to a slower pace. I still hop up on him bareback for a walk around the neighborhood, but his show days are over. He’s got a good retirement in a 1/4 acre paddock he shares with his best buddy, Junior, my 18 year old miniature gelding. He has no front teeth, so grazing is not a luxury he can enjoy, but he gets free choice senior feed (he doesn’t overeat at all and his feeder is out of the mini’s reach, much to Junior’s dismay) and he gets lots of ground-up cookies and a small amount of finely chopped hay. He doesn’t have to do much but stand infront of his fan and get hugs and kisses and have his belly and chest scratched when the kids get home from school. He taught all 4 of my kids how to ride and taught me how to be a good horseowner, be it through trial and error. He’s been patient and willing with a touch of humor over the years. He’s been a babysitter for young horses and for kids. Being a military family (Navy) he’s moved with us all over the country. His arthritis has progressed, but it’s not unmanageable yet. He’s happy and not in pain. Unfortunately, I don’t think he could handle another long-distance haul the way his arthritis is advancing, so when the time comes for us to move again (probably in 4 years or so) he won’t be going with us. I will hold his head in my hands while our wonderful vet sends him on to whatever realm lays beyond death. He will be laid to rest beside his “girlfriend” (30 year old Mustang mare we lost in 2005). It will literally break my heart to do this, but at least I know he won’t be in pain and not passed from person to person or end up on a truck to Canada or Mexico. I will always know exactly where he is.
That is so sweet, it brought tears to my eyes even though he’s still alive and kicking! He is so very lucky to have you. Sounds like he knows it, too, and knows that you will love him forever!
Thanks for sharing his story. He sounds awesome.
I had a similar thing happen to me at my State 4-H horse show. My Arab was 9, and we were riding Hunt Seat, but you know how slow those QH and Paint hunt horses go. Think Drugged Turtles. So, in the warmup I actually had to get him going, perk him up so he wouldn’t be so fresh. Then our turn came to enter the arena. As we rounded the first corner, suddenly his neck arched, his tail went up and his ears pricked forwards and I went “OH SHIT” and we were OFF. We were lapping horses left and right. No one was spaced out, so wenever we went through a pack, he would see a hole and I’d say “Coming through!” and away we’d go!. We picked up a wrong lead and blew the class because someone in the crowd spooked him, but the judge was at least looking really hard at us. It was kinda fun! No one said anything, but I got a bunch of dirty looks from the QH/Paint Yank and Spank crowd going around the rail! (They do know that the judge can see them jerking ont eh outside rein, right?)
I really don’t understand that mentality, where the people who do big-time shows want to bring their high-dollar horses and clean up at little local open shows, and then they act like all the riders who are riding at their own appropriate level in the open shows are something scraped off somebody’s shoe. If you want to be at a big show, folks, go to a big show… don’t ruin the small local shows for the people who are in it for fun.
My parents had 4 horse showing daughters so I guess I should really have my pa come on here and comment!
In any case, they saw horses as a way for us to become independent, responsible, and poised. They knew their limits (both grew up in the city) and only chided us when we were being brats (eg I was complaining because I got a 6th in an equitation class when I was used to winning all the time and my dad told me I was being a poor sport). We were expected to do all the work, all the practicing, and make all the arrangements. My dad drove the trailer and my mom cheered us on when she could (after all, they had 7 kids total – she had other people to worry about). As time went on and we got more horses and more experience, my parents did learn a few things about horses but *everything* was still our responsibility. They were just there to help. If you want your children to be mature and responsible, this is certainly a path to doing it.
They are now 81 (and I don’t even want to say how old I am!) and they still want to come and watch me ride at my next dressage show. That’s a testament to how much they like horses because horses were good for their daughters (and now my niece too). Cool, isn’t it?
My trainer’s daughter who rides as well (obviously) has had their first child who is a boy. At his first birthday party everyone got him horse/pony presents. My family’s gift of a dinosaur book (because little boys love dinosaurs) was met with odd glances. Now at 18 months he is in lead line classes on a very pissy small pony in two show circuit that my trainer participates in.
It irks that they seem to be shoving it down his throat. Brushing and patting the ponies would be awesome, but leadline classes when he can hardly keep himself sitting up everytime the horse movese is another thing. It seems by the time hes even five, he will have had enough of this horse business.
And selfishly on my part, a leadline class with no actual skill involved, only one competitor in it, that takes half an hour to run by the time everyones done with photos is a ridiculous waste of horse show time, as they run it at a certain set time, no matter what else they have to pause in the real riding schedule, is somewhat infuriating. As a competitor, i don’t want my jumper rounds randomly stopped for half an hour. My pony actually needs to stay warmed up and mentally in tune to do those, not just sit around while i’m held onto them. (rant done)
A girl at my barn (8 maybe) gets super worried about points, even though her parents are awesome show parents. We had a fun show, where points from the “fun” jumper classes counted towards a high point jumper award at the end of the year. As soon as she found out it was for points she became super worried and stressed. It wasn’t even like the points mattered for her. She doesn’t ride jumpers in the regular shows, so 10 points in a fun show don’t make a difference compared to the 100′s we earn during the normal shows.
My philosophy for showing: If it isn’t fun for you, stop showing. You don’t have to show to enjoy riding, especially when you are young. Its more important to improve your riding and be confident before adding stressful shows to the mix.
Heh Heh, I have the ultimate show mom. She is my coach, and while she tried to con me off on a few coach’s early on, I knew she was way better then them. We worked out the system, the only difference during the lessons was I talked back a little more then she would’ve liked. There are nicer coaches the her, but no one can put the solid basics on like she can.
(tearing up) Thanks for a chance to think about (and share) about my wonderful show parents, God rest their souls, they have both passed on now (Mom only a year ago), and I can only pray that I can be anywhere near as good a show mom. My Dad wanted me to ride and show, as he had, and luckily for him, I wanted to wanted to even more than he did. When I was 12 he bought me a 2 year old, cow bred mare from a production sale. I had been riding barrels for 3 or so years, and after 90 days at a trainer, she became my project. Somehow, it worked. I rode EVERY day, worked, worked, worked. Mom, Dad, and I would go off to a show, I would show, and Dad would pay attention to what the winning horses were doing, and we would go home to try and accomplish that. Mom didn’t care for horses, particularily, but loved animals in general…..picture her in full makeup, a dress, and a sun hat. Dad and I had planned to campaign for AQHA Youth Hi-point after I graduated from HS, but he died in my Junior year. No “hauling for the world.” but Mom swallowed her fears, and rode long hours beside me as we drove to shows every weekend, and came back late Sunday night to work and school. With her support, Greta (that cow bred mare) and I qualified for the world show 2X. She put up with my teenaged years, where I treated her as my groom, and within her abilities tried to accomplish groom duties.
Fast forward 20 years, I am wanting to show again, now with a daughter in tow. Managed not to push (much), wanted a little more “try” than I got from her, and when she wanted to quit showing, choked back a few tears, but carried on. Later she decided she wanted to run barrels, I found a barrel prospect within the budget and he colicked and died three days after we got him. End of horses for that kid. Kid number 2 is riding with me now, and I am getting her a coach…..the mom/coach thing is NOT good for us. I have just bought a second horse, so we can show together without sharing my 19 year old gelding…wish us luck. I think I have managed to be only “semi-evil” show mom. We work hard, practice, focus at the show…if there is a break time, time for fun, hang out in the motel pool after the show. Hope to make friends.
I am so sorry that kid #1 had such a bad experience That’s just crappy luck.
And you guys sound great to show with – maybe we will meet up someday!
I have to put in a case the polar opposite to Zelika, these people have a beautiful farm, raise gorgeous Trakekhers and have a daughter who is now 12. This girl has been blessed with very supportive knowledgeable parents, has been riding as long as she can remember, now shows in youth hunter/jumper classes and wins and has been allowed to try anything. At age 7 she asked to go to a clinic with trick trainer Tommie Turvey and at nine she started showing in his demos at the big expos. She also performs her own acts at Expos, including last year at Breyerfest, she received a standing ovation at Can Am, and for past two years has been giving her own demos at horse expos. Her parents support everything she wants to try. She also trains with a top notch jump trainer plus her mother who shows on some of the top circuits.
BTW anytime she starts to get a big head she is sent out to clean the barn. Oh yes one more thing, she was born without the lower half of her left arm so she does it all with one hand. Here is part of a demo she gave at Florida Horse Expo, her mother was also in the ring, only offering support.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S22w2fncvOw
Thank you thank you thank you!
What a lovely set of Youtube videos. I didn’t even want them to end. I kept looking for more and more. What a fun, self possessed young lady.
I’m currently in a huge conflict with my parents over this. I’ve always loved horses, always begged and pleaded to be able to take lessons, and it was only when my friend – the owner of some expensive US Nationals top ten Arabians – helped that I was able to convince my parents at age 13. Since then they’ve been completely unsupportive. My dad used to give me shit all the time before and after lessons at the first barn. My first trainer wasn’t a bad rider but was not a good teacher, and the horse I was on was a lazy, lazy old gelding who should have been retired. My dad would always bitch at -me- because, as a beginner rider, I could not convince this 25+ year old, overworked lesson horse to hold a trot for more than a couple strides, even with as strong a leg as I could give and a couple taps with a crop. I soon banished my dad from my lessons. Shortly after I began getting bounced from horse to horse to horse.
I left that barn after a year of learning almost nothing – I was still trotting and had NO idea what I was doing wrong, my trainer never told me anything – my parents decided that was enough. It took me six months to convince them to bring me to another barn and it was like magic; my legs were a mess, my seat was awful, my hands were awful, and in no time all of that was at least mostly corrected. I really liked this new trainer. She was more expensive to take lessons with but she was an exponentially better instructor with far more willing horses. I was happiest when I was at the barn. This mattered very little to my parents, who would frequently let me go weeks at a time without a lesson. I eventually stopped taking lessons “for the winter,” as my parents said.
When it came to the point where I’d benefit most from riding more, I began to look into leasing a horse. I figured it would be cheaper than just having multiple lessons a week. My dad agreed to humor me; we went to see a cute Anglo-Arabian, who I could not try out at the time because I’d hurt my back, and then we went to look at a couple horses that June. I was going to lease the first horse I tried out, a cute little Arabian gelding, but I also tried out a 7yo TB mare who hadn’t been ridden in 3 months.. that ride ended with me on the ground lmao. But my dad gave all the signs that a deal was in the works and ten poof.. He never called back to confirm.
I have now not ridden in over a year, but not for lack of trying. I propose going back to lessons, “too expensive.” I find cheaper lessons. “You already know how to ride.” But if you took my stirrups away I’d be clinging to the horse’s mane for dear life. I suggest a trail ride. “Too far away.” I decided I’d settle for just being around them, so I decide to looksee if I can get into a working student type deal. “There is no way you are going to work without pay.” I can’t win. In addition to that, my dad disapproves of the fact that I ride English. He is under the impression that all Americans ride Western, and that English isn’t real riding, it’s for pansies. He also likes bringing up the fact that we live in New Jersey as a reason why I can’t possibly work with horses later in life. He is determined to convince me to get away from them. My mom does not argue with him.
More standardbreds are born in New Jersey than any other state iirc
My parents asked me what I want for graduation, and the only honest answer I can give them is basically “anything that’ll get me near a horse,” but since I know it’s not going to happen, I don’t even bother bringing it up anymore. To say I’m a little bitter about the way my parents have treated my little obsession would be an understatement. What I wouldn’t give to just hang out in somebody’s barn and groom their horses, let me tell you..
If you’re willing to come at your goal a bit sideways, you could try asking for a gym membership. There are a lot of riding-related exercises (you would need to do some research on how to) which would help get you ready so that one day, when you do get back on a horse, you will have an easier time of it.
Well, just make sure your college of choice has an equestrian program you can participate in. That doesn’t mean you have to go to an Equine Science program– lots of colleges have teams or a place for riding, even without being in a horse major.
Failing that, find a barn near your college. There are tons of those.
This will sound kinda odd, but maybe the very fact that your parents didn’t give you everything you wanted horsewise will result in a lifelong love of horses for you. Some of the best riders I’ve trained or known were good because they wanted it so badly– not because Mommy and Daddy could give them everything.
Sorry if this is too personal – but how old are you?
I’m only asking because I had a similar up bringing and am now only getting into horses full swing because I’m in college and has deiced to make Equine Science my life.
Even if you do not want to major in something horsey-related many schools have equestrian teams, either NCAA, IHSA , or many others.
Have you tried applying for groom/stable jobs?
On-topic;
Like I’ve said I’ve only gotten into horses later in my teens in college, but I’ve tried my damnedest to get lessons while I was younger. Unfortunately my 5’1 mother was always feared the horseys that towered over her like horses fear the horse-eating-plastic-bag-monsters. They’re also smelly to her, and poo too much LOL.
She stopped going to my lessons after the old gray Arabian gelding I took lessons on “tried to eat her”. AKA I asked to her to stand in front of the stall door to keep pony in after I had just finished grooming him and went to go grab his tack – pony took a few steps towards her and tried to itch his face on my mother and my mother freaked out and high tailed it out of there, locking herself in the bathroom. Pony walked out the the stall, out the barn door, and found himself a nice patch of grass to munch on.
She doesn’t even get out of the car now if she’s ever at the stable.
The only show she’s ever went to she complained the entire time that it she was cold and it smelled like horse shit.
My dad took lessons as a kid, but is pretty darn clueless about horses no matter how hard he tries to help with my interest.
Now I’m in the market for my first horse and my family
Aunt “You don’t need a horse! Why do you need a horse!? That’s stupid”
Mom “I would be very dissapointed in you if you got a horse”
Grandma “What the hell are you going to do with a horse?”
Grandfather “Are you going to race it in the Kentucky derby?”
Apparently I’m going to grow out of horses someday to them. You know, after I graduate with my degree in equine science and quit working at the stables.
Have you heard of Meredith Manor? That is my dream college. I will go there. Maybe not this coming year, maybe not next year, but someday, I will go there. When I have the money.
My dad is always asking me what I’m going to do with my life. He’s always telling me to go to college, usually something like, “I saved up all this money for you to go to college and you’re just going to waste it!?!!?!11″ with a few expletives for added emphasis.
Y’see, I love horses so much that I scoured the internet looking for all kinds of colleges with Equine Science majors. I looked at Delaware Valley, Centenary, Vermont Tech, and a bunch of others whose names I can’t even remember the names of. I made a big ol’ list and got them to send me brochures and stuff. My dad got pissed that I would dare try to go to college for horses. Then I found Meredith Manor, got their giant book of info, and, well.. my father and I can no longer civilly discuss my future.
I’m actually in the process of trying to find a horsey job. Have a feeling I’m going to have to go halfway across the state to get one willing to pay an actual salary without requiring 405 years of experience and 58 references. ’cause I have neither. When I’m 18 I may see if Monmouth Park will hire me, even if I just end up working the souvenir shop or the concession stand. It’s something.
I have heard of Meredith Manor – I actually looked into Meredith Manor when I was looking for schools. I’ve heard from people who have personally gone there that their riding program is something even Fugly would approve of –
But the actual school part is kind of iffy to me – just 3 years ago they only had a certification and now they have an associates and 2 bachelors.
If I were to ever go to MM, if would be to improve my riding skills, not for school solely.
Are you looking to stay close to home or are you willing to go a few hours/states away? and is cost a big factor?
Hope it’s ok for me to give my thoughts here. I’m trained as an ESl teacher, so can ‘read’ english school websites, and see through them. This is not an English school of course but a similar idea.
Just some suggestions: Contact the graduates listed on the site, and tell them you are thinking of going there. Ask them if they would suggest that. ‘nicen’ your questions up a bit…ask specifically how it helped them, etc., and what the benefits of attending that school were, for them. Also mention that you are wanting to get horse experience, and who knows, they may be interested in you.
I see that their farrier instructor attends competions each year…does he win them? Do their other instructors compete? Win?
This should help you get a better feel for this school.
DOES ANYONE KNOW why, when I try to type a message on this site (and only this site) that it takes about 20 seconds after I type anything for it to show up on my screen? And the shift key does not work, unless I try several times. Only this site. this site…no others that I use.
I type 3-4 sentences, then wait, and wait for it to show up, so I can correct any mistakes…then have to wait and wait for that to show up. Very frustrating.
I don’t know why, exactly, but I had the same problem on my old laptop, and it improved when i switched to Firefox Mozilla, and added their Ad Blocker program. It may be one of the adverts that is causing the slowdown? I just don’t know.
I have not heard great things about Meredith Manor. I would suggest going to the best school that you can and getting a business/marketing degree, plus take Spanish all 4 years. If they have an IHSA team, ride all 4 years. A career in horse training is a very bad choice. Of course,I am already an addict, but all addicts will tell anyone who will listen to not get hooked. If you are really stuck on horse training, then get a job as a groom at the best farm that you can find: think Olympian/ National level trainer and work your way up. Your business/marketing degree will then help you more than you can imagine. Horse training is full of heart break, injuries, hard work, long hours, zero thanks, and no money. I would REALLY suggest that you get rich and be a client.
Ugh, what a terrible situation to be in. Regarding lessons – no one knows how to ride a horse. No one. The top riders in the world have trainers and take lessons all the time. But I suspect you already know this.
The main thing is to get into a position where you earn your own money, and then spend your money however you want to.
This. Your parents are being jerks, but you’re going to grow up and get out from under them. It probably seems like forever away
The college I attended had an equestrian program, and offered group riding classes as a standard college course. You didn’t have to be in an equestrian major to ride there, and the expenses all came out of tuition. (If you think your parents would pitch a fit about that, go get scholarships! They can’t stop you if they’re not paying for it. It also helps if you handle all your own class registration so they don’t really know what you’re taking.) Good luck!
Aargh. That should have said “it probably seems like forever away, but if you’re close to high school graduation it’s going to come quicker than you expect.”
OMG. NJ is the most horsey state in the union!! There are also several Arabian farms in NJ that do Arabians at the National level, whether it be main ring or sport horse. As far as taking lessons… that may be difficult, as the bigger show barns don’t do that sort of thing. There may be options, though. Where in NJ??
This is completely unrelated, but I was reading up about HYPP and telling a friend of mine about it. I googled HYPP to show her an example and found an atrocious stallion, Kids Classic Style–a huge, beefy tanker of a buckskin. Something like 16h and 1800 pounds. He’s N/H, but exhibiting symptoms pretty terribly. Anyways, I was looking at the first page where he was listed as a stud and then found he’d been sold. I looked at that place as well, and found he’d again been sold–but this time to the IOWA STATE VETERINARY SCHOOL. A veterinary school is standing a horse and promoting the continuation of a terrible disease. They’re also standing him with an hypp guarantee–I’m not entirely sure what that means? But it sounds to me like they mean they guarantee your foal will have hypp, which could mean they’re just flat out lying about him being n/h and not h/h. Anyways, it just made me sick and I wanted to say it somewhere. He’s the link:
http://vetmed.iastate.edu/vmc/stallionstation/our-stallions/kids-classic-style
I think I’d like to send that vet a hate letter. It’s shameful and sickening. You’d think the physician’s creed of “do no harm” would transfer over–at least in part–to vets.
That horse is hideous. Is the vet program in the business of creating meat horses? That horse looks more like funny colored Angus than a supposed-be-useful-and-fast-and-agile Quarter Horse. Sometimes I wonder if some of the halter Quarter Horse breeders are actually cattle breeders that never bothered to learn about horses.
“HYPP guarantee”
MY that’s an ambiguous statement.
I think these guys bred/previously owned him. Check out the video they have of him on this link:
http://www.lotsofpinesfarm.com/kidsclassicstyle.html
He can barely move. It’s probably a combination of being locked in a stall 24/7 and forgetting how to move like a horse, and being physically unable to move like a horse. It’s really painful watching him try. I mean, you google HYPP and the website I”m linking in this post is one of the first links in google image results. It’s really despicable–and they’re trying to promote him! I mean, that means they’re trying to market him favorably for carrying hypp n/h–and other people are probably googling hypp because they WANT to breed to it–unless my logic is totally off. But I’m pretty sure there’s a way you can manipulate commons google searches to lead to your page… some kind of advertising tactic.
OMG. They’re *breeding* that?? o.O It looks like one of those whippets with that genetic disorder, with double muscling? Except it’s a horse….
OMG it almost looks like he falls into a pace during some of his trot/canter transitions wtf this is a Quarter Horse…
Also I think his back looks a little too long so due to his excess muscling his legs look reeeeeeally far apart… I mean the front pair and the back pair….. Yikes!
Another website for the stallion (possibly outdated) explained the “HYPP guarantee” as “if the foal comes out HYPP H/H (and therefore can’t be registered AQHA), you’re entitled to a rebreed”. Yeah, that’s really encouraging responsible breeding there…
It should properly read HYPP N/N guarantee. But I suppose if they leave the N/N off, they can conceivably only honor it if the colt is H/H? Maybe they aren’t honoring the guarantee for N/H foals. Hard to say without reading the fine line. At 5k for a breeding fee, people aren’t going to care if it’s N/H, heck they probably want that. All those big rolling quivering muscles, just dripping off the bone.
The guarantee is usually live foal, but in the case of an N/H stud, it becomes an HYPP guarantee– if you colt is positive, you can put it down and try try again!
Surely one of those little buggers will come out right…..
The HYPP guarantee is that the gene for HYPP can supposedly be removed or blocked from the semen and they are guaranteeing it will not be passed to the foals. Other experts in the “biz” have said they know nothing about the validity of the claim and are questioning it. That is what I have read on the subject.
HYPP guarantee usually means that if the foal is not registerable due to HYPP then you are entitled to a rebreeding.
That is what the site says that “used” to own this horse, before the U bought him.
Eew. He looks more like a buckskin beef cow than a horse. *snark warning* I guess halter horses are the AQHA’s reason they support slaughtering horses. I know there are exceptions to the rule, but what else can that horse do but stand around looking like a ham hock and breeding mares?
“Do no harm” does apply to vets, but not as far as research goes, or as far as vet students learning goes. It only applies to paying clients.
I was an adult re-rider at the age of 43, and I’d been invited to work with and ride some horses that belonged to some neighbors in my subdivision.. they had a relatively young mare that had one baby, now two.. had been retired from the ‘big lick’ ring after losing every class she was entered in as a 3 yr old – -last or second to the last in every class she’d been entered in — but of course the owners had been told she’d been fabulous when they bought her, bred…
I spent two years working with that mare; fortunately I had a super mentor, and the email assistance of Lee Ziegler, Liz Graves, and some others… not only did I get that mare to do intermediate gaits other than ‘hard pace’ and learned that she loved to jump, but I managed (again, with mentoring) to break her filly and get her started on trails, calm and as reliable as a youngster can be.. alone, no less… Eventually I took her to a schooling show (by now I was co-owner.. the husband and me shared that mare’s expenses.. and after initially not caring a lot for her other than that she was ‘available’ to me, I’d come to love her despite her issues.)
Anyway.. the wife had never been on a horse as far as I know… but she *knew* how I ought to be riding a Tennessee Walking Horse… which she knew *all* about, being a member of TWHBEA and having perused every issue of The Voice ever since the couple had acquired the mare. Most of the time she left me alone, but from time to time she’d advise me on ‘how to ride’ and ‘what is proper for a Walking Horse’… but I held my tongue and never said “OK. YOU ride her, allright? Now.. this mare was hot, sensitive, and reactive.. and I rode her for a year before taking her off the property to trail ride… Two different trainers who worked with me were quite frank about NOT liking to ride her, becuase she could go off like a rocket. (one ended up my mentor – and often said it was a wonder that mare hadn’t killed me just by being so hot and goofy at times…..the other was a jumper/eventer trainer who taught me how not to commit suicide and mare-icide by going over jumps in a dangerous fashion)
But.. those two, the mare and her youngun, were the only horses that were available to me, and I wanted horses to be part of my world. Hubby wasn’t ready for the responsibility of horse ownership, quite yet.. so the situation was the best that could be done at the time.
Eventually, I took both horses to a schooling show, and the co- owner and wife went, too. The mare and I did not do very well, but that was fine. We had a BLAST! That was the point, after all … plus we were up against the now somewhat-famous Ivory Pal, who was *just* beginning his ‘show career’. That mare, with all her quirks, was no match for Ivory Pal! (nor was my simple self any match for Pal’s owner’s persona!)
The woman was suddenly not quite so gracious as before.. and her ‘coaching’ went into high gear after that show. It wasn’t long till she found an excuse to become extremely angry with me… and soon as my husband recouped my investment in the mare, I bought my current gelding without so much as a ‘test ride’ (I’d known him for over a year, and watched his early training when I’d take the mare and her filly, now grown, for lessons and training sessions)
So.. ‘show moms’ aren’t limited to mamas and their daughters or sons… Show moms can also come in the form of horse owners who want to bask in the glory of winning, but don’t have the knowledge, the skills or the circumstance to find and purchase an appropriate ‘winning’ horse… or, having found that kind of horse, to then ride the horse, themselves.
When I was a kid, my parents could`nt / wouldn`t pay for a pony or even riding lessons. Instead they dragged me to *gasp* PIANO LESSONS. Needless to say that I quit piano playing many, many years ago, as soon as I was able to stand up to my parents. I worked hard to get a decent and fairly well paid job, got the pony of my childhood dreams when it was offered to me at the ripe old age of *gasp again* 20, had a few good years with her …and when she wasn`t fit for riding anymore, I was faced with a hard decision: keep the pony and quit riding, or get a new horse and the pony euthanized. I couldn`t afford two horses at the time and since I love the pony, I seriously considered the first option.
Guess what my Mom did ? She, who is so very afraid of horses and always told me she didn`t understand my passion for horses ? (“You gotta have this stuff inherited from your fathers side , it surely doesn`t come from my family !”)
Helped me enormously with my mortgage, so I could buy a riding horse AND keep the pony.
That was a few years ago. The pony is now a pasture ornament, shiny and happy (and 28 years old), the new horse, bought with the intention of trail riding, has become a decent show horse (although we attend just minor local shows) and Mom is still afraid of horses, but loves to hear my barn/show/horse stories and says things like “Well, that was well invested money – you`re so happy with your horses and I`m so glad about that…”
God bless Moms who just want to see their kids happy.
This is off on bit of a tangent. The largest ridden class that I have ever seen is 100 horses in the Ladies Hack at Royal Melbourne Show well over 20 years ago. This was in the days when the Thoroughbred reigned supreme in ridden horse classes, and so most people were on Thoroughbreds. No crashes, no accidents. However they did weed out half the class within only a few minutes and sent them out of the ring. Which is normal. It was just the quickest I had ever seen it done. The horse I liked came fourth. So thirty is not a huge number. Australians still ride a lot of Thoroughbreds. You even see the Pony Club kids on them. I think that’s because we don’t have to keep them stabled and so they can live more natural lives.
I believe they’ve changed the rules about splitting classes since I used to ride Children’s Hunter back in the early 80′s, but back then, 35 in a flat class was not unusual. Inexperienced riders on mostly TB-crosses and ponies. No crashes or accidents.
Here in Perth Thoroughbreds still make up the majority of ridden show horses. You see nice Anglo Arabs and a few others with Arab blood (god forbid they be ‘too Araby’ tho) intertwined but mostly its still the Thoroughbred.
I was very lucky growing up. My parents weren’t horsey but my Grandparents were and they raced pacers. I never had the best gear, ponies/horse etc but I always adored them and had a great time. My Mum would take me to lessons and my Gran towed me to countless shows and ‘pony trots’ (ponies in mini harness racing gear minus the hopples) that used to do a lap in a trot racing for kids between 8 and 16 years old). I did everything and had a great time doing it, my ponies/horses were true testamonts to an all rounder!
Never was I in trouble for not winning, they always just shared my excitement when I so much as placed. I did all my own prep work from washing, plaiting, cleaning tack etc. My presentation sure didn’t start out pretty but now… I am always competitive in a presentation class and can prep my horses for a show from start to finish. It amazes me how many people here have to pay people to plait or trim their horses up, it must cost them a fortune!
Have to laugh about this topic… My Mom is the kind that has to ‘keep up with the Jones”… put me in a beauty pageant at the age of 5 and somehow, I won, have no idea why, and then at the age of 8 she talked my dad into horses… so they went out and bought a 16h black saddle bred we called Lance (yes, as in Sir Lancelot.. **huge eye roll**. it was a mom thing* and my dad actually enjoyed riding and then got a grade mare… Sahara (mom again, her and the romance names) and I got to go ride with dad instead of mom.. I can’t remember if she ever even rode a horse, come to think of it…
But at any rate, should have seen the get up she got me when I started showing horses.. in wp at our local club. Wish I had a picture. 16h Black (sun faded) saddlebred, with a 1920 highback Shipley saddle, black out fit, with teal and white flowers, matching teal chaps, black hat.. black and teal saddle blanket..I remember trying to clip his ears, poor guy.. *LOL* can’t remember having much fun in the pleasure classes, but I and good old Lance went around like that.. then we traded off the grade mare and bought an off the track 2yr old quarter horse gelding.. I got to name him.. and I kept the barn name from the breeder… Buckets.. *LOL* (I’m about 10 or 12 mind you) And I think I went around in that get up on him as well a time or two.. until I found out about barrels and the race events… took off the get-up and never looked back, had a blast with my dad going to all the circut shows in the racing classes … 1965 gmc red and white truck with a green 16 foot cattle stock trailer, man we must have been a site to see… Mom tried to do the show mom thing for me, but there really isn’t much call to look ‘pretty’ in the barrel classes, and sitting all day in the hot sun wasn’t really much her thing. Dad, was great though.. I think that is one thing that doesn’t get noticed much… if you do it right, it teaches the kid a ton of responsibility, and all the money spent keeps them out of allot of trouble they can get into elsewhere.
You know, I still have that shipley saddle, and the shoes dad pulled off Lance the day we brought him home… nails and pads.. he had been showing the Missiouri ASB show circut.. non gaited class, I think.. the Barn owner sold him to us for barn rent.
I don’t post often, but grullotobi your story reminds me a bit of my own so I had to post particularly with it being Father’s Day.
My parents attempted to get me into horses earlier, but bought first a crazy pony that ran off with a cousin(I never even got to get put on said pony) then a second pony who attempted to kick my cousin when she went behind her. We were about 9 or 10 at the time. At which point my parents decided no more horses. Fortunately when I was about 13 or 14 my dad’s friend donated use of his older gelding who had been used on a cow lot. Just what my sister and I needed at that time, he also lived on our pasture on the dreaded barb wire(which I personally had a run-in with two horses with). The second when I had to spur of a moment send a horse home to parents, and she was supposed to be stalled in a 20 foot run in shed not on barbwire. But I digress.
We’d had Big Boy for about a year or so, when I had some saved money and wanted my own horse still, besides we were having to share one horse. My parents approved. This time we bought a horse that was staying with different horse knowledgeable cousins. He worked out nicely but wasn’t really able to try and do any of the things I wanted to do so about a year or so later I sold him and my parents let me buy a 2.5-3 year old gelding at the recommendation of my uncle. Bad mix, as we found out once the trial period was over sort of anyway, as he spooked out from under me(at dogs) while I was mounting and drug me for about 20-30 feet, mostly my fault as I was shocked enough not to immediately release the reins. No major damage done at least, just bangs and bruises. My dad made me get back on after I’d gone inside, settled down and caught my breath. That ride though was awesome as we learned that someone along the way had taught the little guy to do sliding stops, we actually had a mini-riding track my dad kept tilled with grass and barrels in the center.
Anyway, this gelding after our next little incident, we were riding on the side of the road in front of my grandmother’s and his hindend fell off into a hole….he was spooked and I didn’t freak out and somehow this clicked something, from then own this horse would do anything I asked of him. I rode almost every day for hours. My dad, who is a worry wart also grew to trust that little horse. This was also an Arab mix that never seemed to spook again except in place, I even felt safe enough to ride him bareback which I was always timid about. One of my fondest memories of this horse though has to be me walking him up to my sister who is practicing drums in the yard just so he can look at them and see it won’t kill him, she’s not playing at the time of course but had been up to the point we started coming over, and Shadow starts nosing the drum.
Back to the parents though. My mom is scared to death of horses but came to the 4H show we went to to cheer as well as to some of the shows from my IHSA days in college.
My dad on the other hand hauled my sister and I to some local playdays and the local 4H show and helped us while there. When I acquired a gift horse from a 4H mom he also started riding with me some, usually just me and dad. Sometimes my sister too, but she’d lost most of her interest in horses, though she enjoyed playing around with barrel racing for fun. This is actually some of my favorite memories of time spent just me and my dad. We didn’t really talk or anything it was just the time together.
I played at barrels, enjoyed poles and tried western pleasure. I loved the pattern portion of IHSA. Needless to say my parents were mostly supportive but did not push me at the horses or reprimand me for not winning.
I’ve just gotten back into riding last year, first with lessons then leasing a horse which I just ended last month to go back to lessons with another woman. I went to Cowgirl Weekend at a horse training ranch using one of the ranch’s horses in April and the trainer liked my seat and asked me to come ride with her. I even got to play with her mechanical cow, even though neither I nor that specific horse had any clue. It’s a little more expensive than my partial lease, but I get a mix of horses which are all better trained for the most part, and she even puts lesson people on two of her champion cutting horses. Plus her lessons are more than around and around in a pen, mostly focusing on trail obstacles and some even trail ride based. I love it so far and am so glad I found my way back into the horseworld after I had to take leave from it after my mare’s death in 2003. I’d been mostly sitting out since 1998 so riding itself I was a bit nervous about. I can’t wait to work more with my new instructor though since my first two lessons were a total of 7 hours of horse time.
I don’t teach but the yard I’m on has several areas – one of the barns is used by a lady and her neice who run a business breaking youngsters and dealing. The lady has a 8/9 year old daughter and a string of ponies and they do show jumping – I have never seen that kid ride without ending up in tears. She’s ‘taught’ by her mom and constantly gets yelled at. All they care about is that she is winning. On the flip side there are parents there who are the exact oposite, one in particular has a nice mare on loan for their daughter (about 13) and all they are bothered about is that she enjoys the horse and develops her confidence, and does whatever she wants with the mare.
I count myself among the lucky ones who have AWESOME parents. Though completely clueless about horses themselves (I’m the only horseperson in the entire family…how I caught the horse bug I’ll never know!), and even though I didn’t start showing until I was an adult and owned my own horse, they have always been extremely supportive, both emotionally and financially. They wanted to make up for when they couldn’t afford a horse during my childhood, so they’d always help me pay for the show fees, or buy me a new outfit here and there. My father is actually a bit afraid of horses and when I first started out, he preferred not to watch me compete (chalk it up to him seeing me fall off a lesson horse when I was a little kid), but my mom would always come watch when she could. When I did well she shared my joy and when I didn’t do so well, she’d lift my spirits. And no matter what, the horse always got a peppermint! Even now after 18 years, she still wants a phone call after each’s day’s competition to hear how we did and to make sure my mare got some treats for all “her” hard work! LOL! Unfortunately she can’t make it to very many of my shows anymore – the circuit I’m on now is usually at least 2 1/2 hours away from where my parents live, and my father’s health isn’t that good anymore and he just doesn’t do well on long car trips, especially to a hot, dusty showground. I’d give anything for my parents to be able to come watch me compete again and see how far I’ve come from those early days.
Does your circuit have a professional videographer? I know it isn’t the same but it is better than nothing.
The kind of parents I hate the most are the ones that just don’t care to Google ‘riding’ when their child gets into it. I knew a girl who convinced her parents to buy her a horse when she was 11. What she had picked out for herself was a 3 year old unbroke Hanoverian stallion. Absolutely huge compared to the kid herself. She fell off badly on some jumping fences and injured her back. The doctors said she was lucky she wasn’t paralyzed from the neck down.
OMG. OMG. OMG.
Who in their right mind would sell an 11 year old, with oblivious parents an unbroke, 3 year old STALLION!?!?! Shame on who ever let that situation happen.
Exactly my thought, seems like a really irresponsible seller. Horsie from backyard Craigslist dealer perhaps?
AMEN! If I hear another “Why can’t she ride the OTHER horse?” I”ll flip my lid. It’s because you’re daughter is NOT A GOOD ENOUGH RIDER! Maybe they’re the kind of people that hassle until their daughter gets the “good” horse, daughter can’t ride her, gets thrown off, instructor gets sued!
We get that all the time. The first stalls in my barn are for ponies, so the kids walk in two steps, take a look at the paint (aptly named “Paint” lol) and say, “I want to ride that one!” Here’s a little secret about Paint: you (9 or 10 y/o) would not even be able to mount because you’d have to tighten the girth first (he’s gotten better, but he’s got a snake neck and the rolly-polliest body). If you did manage to get on, he’ll kick the walls and scare the crap out of you (I know this from experience). Why don’t you ride someone you can have fun on while trotting instead of a snarky pony you can sit on for a few minutes to make a pretty picture? Besides, when they’re your favorite horse, a big shaggy head and fish eyes poking over the stall gate look positively endearing. Just ask me what my favorite looks like…
I’ve seen so many of the show parents from hell while showing at the A shows and even local shows. I think the worst are the kind that try to give advice to their child as they are schooling with the trainer or before they go in the ring. You paid the trainer to TRAIN let them do their job! That drives me nuts and it must drive the trainers nuts too! My mom hands me my water pets my horse and watches me ride. She never comments on my ride until we get home from the show because she knows that we pay my trainer to tell me what to do because they know what they’re doing.
I had the BEST show mom. She always did exactly what I needed her to do in every situation. Whether it be standing quietly at my side while my coach gave some last minute instructions or asking me to tell her what the course was so it stayed in my head. She greeted me at the end of EVERY course with a huge smile either because she couldn’t really tell a good ride from a bad or (more likely) she just didn’t care. One of my favourite show memories are the ones of me sitting on my mare ringside trying desperately to calm my nerves while my mom stood at my mare’s head “blowing bubbles” (softly vibrating her lips) in her ear to keep her calm and motionless. She knew I didn’t want to talk, smile, blink, or move lest I fall apart.
I added a preview feature so that you can look at your comments before they post – let me know how it works!
In our horse club, the youth decided to at one class at the end of their show – not groom’s pleasure, but “Parents to Laugh At”. All those Horse show mom’s and dad’s had to get on the kids horses and do a class. The kids LOVED it, as they heckled from the sidelines, “Wrong lead” “Heels Down” “Hands Down”, and laughed at the parents who thought it looked so easy all day. Yes, this was an open youth show, but boy did that class make a point, it’s not as easy as it looks – even just for fun!! Of course the looks on some of the horse’s faces were priceless as well, and there were a few who would do no more than walk with their parent (I think the horses are smarter than the parents!)
My old riding teacher, Chris, had several female students who were very good riders, but whose choices in boyfriends left something to be desired – wanna-be hot-dogging cowboys who would hang around the arena during lessons, teasing the girlfriends about how sissy their flat saddles were, how prissy all the riding was, and how they ought to just gallop around and jump the big jumps. Chris’s solution? Put the guy up on the horse on that sissy flat saddle and just let him WALK. That cured all of them.
I had an ex who fell into the “You just sit there and the horse does all the work” line of thinking. So one day I slapped a helmet on him and put him on my rather sensitive 17h OTTB after I had ridden, to educate him a little. Buddy boy starts tipping forward, pony starts trotting. He didn’t make it halfway round the ring before he ate dirt! As he was cleaning himself off I had to point out that even just sitting there is sometimes hard work…
As for the parents, mine bought me a 6 lesson “Intro to Riding” package and expected that to be it… I would know how to ride! Fourteen years later, my dad especially really doesn’t get why I still take lessons. After all, shouldn’t I have it figured out by now? I’ve stopped trying to explain!
I worked at a Girl Scout camp as a “wrangler,” and during open house we had people criticize our horses. I was so angry about the situation, I really don’t like parents very much. One mom saw our biggest horse and then started to go off about how all our horses were too big, and her daughter was to be on the littlest one. Well her daughter was too big to fit on our littlest one, Madonna was tiny. She was just barely over the height of being a horse rather than a pony, and was just very delicate. She couldn’t handle a whole lot of weight. The rest of our horses were big ones, quite a few draft horses. Anyway, so this mom wanted her daughter on Madonna after seeing our biggest boy Luke (18hh with potential to still grow, he’s younger). Although, Madonna is more likely to throw a kid than Luke. He’s the sweetest thing ever, although he’s like a big toddler and can be a pest sometimes. Madonna bucks when going at the trot or canter. This mom had no idea how our horses behaved, and she was dictating how we assign children to horses.
Hmm… I’m only starting to realize some of the things that were screwed up with my (overly) supportive mother. Starting when I was 13, I was expected to train horses for sale. If I didn’t do well, I was blamed for the financial result. Like a lot of kids, I was firmly convinced that I could grow up to be an Olympian. I started riding at the barn owned by Melanie Smith’s mom, so I knew it could and did happen to kids just like me. And I had a lot of natural talent, and no fear, which gave me even more confidence in my own abilities.
My mom translated her support into buying off the track TBs and having me train them to be jumpers, and buying her own place so that we could breed our own, including buying an older stallion who had a couple of Grand Prix jumpers as get. We did pretty well, in retrospect, producing three jumpers who made it as far as competing successfully in Grand Prix – not the big ones, mind you, but still, 25k purses. One of our stallion’s last foals is still a very successful event horse. Also in retrospect that was INSANE and we’re lucky no one DIED. Who out there thinks, “Oh, my 13 year old daughter’s a pretty good rider, so we’re setting her up on her own place, with no support. Oh, she doesn’t need a trainer, she IS a trainer,” sounds like a great idea? (Not that they ever did anything to endanger my amateur status – so everything was actually in mom’s name.)
I went through about 3 years of my life doing nothing but riding. I flunked P.E. because people laughed at me when I wore shorts because I had dark brown callouses from stirrup leathers on the inside of my legs. And then I decided one day I didn’t want to do it anymore, it wasn’t fun, and competing against people who actually had TRAINERS and trained horses that other people had worked with was exhausting. And my mom freaked the f’ out. I was letting her down. Hadn’t she backed me up and tried to help me live my dream? How dare I quit?
Dude. 13 is too young for it to be expected that what you decide to do at that age will rule the entire rest of your life. A year earlier, I wanted to be a starship captain. If my mom had gone out right then and bought her own lab for developing experimental rockets, should I be blamed when I changed my mind?
The thing is, I always believed I did let her down. It wasn’t until about a year ago when she threw this in my face again (I’m 42 now) that I realized, hey, I wasn’t at fault here. I was the child, you were the parent, and this whole business was just one step short of abuse. You don’t get to make me your unpaid trainer and slave for the entire rest of my future. We had a HUGE fight and she didn’t speak to me for almost three months. And now things are gradually getting better, and we may someday get to have a normal relationship.
Do you have any desire to ride anymore, or did you get too burned out? BTW, my life’s dream is to own a Tardis, but unfortunately, my parents haven’t indulged me thus far…lol.
Well, the answer to that is complicated. My mom still owns the place, although there’s no longer a stallion. The old man had to be put down because of arthritis, and the young one died horribly due to blister beetles – which we should never get in hay in TN! – but one more example of how many things can go wrong when inexperienced people try to run a place, since probably a more experienced person than my mom would have noticed something wrong with the hay. The man who sold us the hay was successfully sued for a fair bit of money, but by then I think my mom didn’t have the heart to try again with another stallion, so she’s stuck to riding horses for herself and boarding for friends.
I spent a few years during college puttering around riding trails on my ex-event horse, then sold him to a young girl, since he was the sort who’s really happiest when he had a job. We had a buy-back option on him, but she fell in love with him and gave him a forever home. He died last year at the age of 32.
These days, I don’t ride, primarily because of my health. I have lupus and severe heart damage resulting from vasculitis. But… I’m getting more interested in horses again, going to shows, hanging out. This forum is a great place to put your finger on the pulse of the horse world! My mom asked me this weekend at the show if I miss it, and the answer is that I really miss jumper competitions, but I don’t miss hunter princesses who brush their hair constantly and talk bad about each other. We had some doozies sitting right behind us, and they really took me back.
The most interesting thing is my mom. Oddly enough, me blowing up at her about using me to fulfill her ambitions seems to have been freeing for her. Although she’s always ridden, I guess she never really gave herself permission to actually SHOW. This past year, she’s been in two dressage competitions and one driving competition – her first shows, at the age of 73. So she is finally getting to do for herself what she should have done all along.
Wow. Yup, you’re right, that was all kinds of messed up, and I’m glad you figured that out. Good luck on building a healthy relationship with your mom – hopefully a healthy relationship with horses is in the cards too.
“13 is too young for it to be expected that what you decide to do at that age will rule the entire rest of your life. A year earlier, I wanted to be a starship captain. ”
Yes yes yes!!!! Exactly! Parents spend thousands to entertain their child, and then get all bent out of shape when the child moves on. Hello? They are KIDS. Let them try things!
I never showed horses, but I did play ice hockey for 11 years, and I can tell you that parents from Hell carry over into every competitive sport they offer for kids. I was on the same team as this kid Peter for eight out of those years. He played center and was extremely talented. We all thought for sure he’d be an NHL draft, but somewhere along the line his dad literally drilled the passion for the game out of him. Every time we lost you could hear him yelling at Peter for at least a solid ten minutes about how disappointing he was or how he was never going to get anywhere in life because he was ‘too damn lazy’. And usually when the rest of us were leaving poor Peter was running laps around the outside of the rink building. And he didn’t just stop at his own kid, either. As the first-string goalie I caught more than my fair share of insults from him for letting the puck in the net. Once I actually expected my mother to punch him after she walked up in time to hear him call me the c-word and tell me that I was a useless hockey player just because I happened to possess female reproductive organs.
Seriously, sports for kids are meant to be fun, and parents that make it all about winning and don’t give their kids room to enjoy themselves will ultimately kill said kids’ passion for everything. There should be some kind of anal-parent detector outside these events. Parents that are liable to have an aneurysm if their kid loses aren’t allowed inside, period.
Any parent who calls someone else the c-word ought to be ejected from attending ever again. Good lord. Way to set a bad example.
Now see, THOSE people are who we wrote harassment laws against. I realize at the time there was not thought of this, but I tell you now, if I ever EVER heard an adult speak that way to a kid, there would be charges filed, and I’d make DARN sure Mr (or Mrs.) Smith had a very very miserable few years paying a defense attorney.
Yup, saw this PLENTY in youth baseball here. I can think of three boys in particular whose dads yelled and screamed insults and criticism at their sons all the time in games. I would be cringing on the sideline and I wasn’t alone. These kids were talented but now, guess what, they don’t even PLAY baseball anymore. Why? A combination of injuries and I’m sure, burnout (they’re all of 14, BTW). What DO they do these days? Roam our nice neighborhood in a pack w/ some other boys, ringing people’s doorbells at midnight, TP’ing, forking, etc. It’s only a matter of time before they get in real trouble. They intensely dislike my son, because he turned one of them in for having a knife on the school bus. (And would you believe, other kids – not even the troublemakers – actually have said to him, “Why’d you do that? What’s so bad about a knife?” I am beyond disgusted.) I can’t say for sure if the dads yelling at sports thing caused them to derail, of course, but I guarantee it didn’t help!
God bless my own supportive parents. They came to all my horse shows when I was little, hardly any as a teen, but they never criticized and applauded all my efforts. Paid for lessons and clothes and some show fees, took me to the barn at 5:00 a.m. on show days. They did as much as they could afford (no horse of my own) and certainly NEVER discouraged me from being horse-obsessed!
My now ex boyfriend had a similar situation with hockey when he was younger, He said he wanted to play hockey and his father went out and spent over 1000 dollars on hockey equipment. Once they got to the rink, got all suited up and out to the ice “Boyfriend” took one look at the kids skating around (he couldn’t skate and still can’t) and got off the ice while his dad yells at him to get back on the ice. He stands there crying while his father yells at him, pulls him into the dressing room, rips all the equipment off of him and throws him in the car.
You have to let the child dictate what they would like to have as an activity. Otherwise, you are just asking for resentment.
I used to teach lessons at a YMCA camp. There was one girl who had a know-it-all mom who really knew nothing. The mom’s only horse experience/knowledge came from coming to the barn while her daughter rode in lessons for a couple of years. She’d stand at the rail and gab to other moms about what their kids were doing wrong/what they should be doing/etc etc. She’d even “instruct” the kids from the rail, which was quite frustrating to me as the instructor – not only did she give the kids bad information, but her advice was always dished out in a blunt, rude, and sometimes downright mean way.
A couple years went by during which I stopped teaching lessons, and then I started up lessons again with my college coach. Wouldn’t you know it, this girl is now riding at my coach’s barn, and she’s in high school now. The added years of watching her daughter ride has made the mom worse because now she *really* thinks she’s an expert. One day I was talking to a college student who also takes lessons there, and she told me that this girl’s mom has made her cry numerous times and has made her dread going to her lessons. I advised her to switch to a different time. So, this lady is still making kids feel bad, and she’s still dishing out terrible advice. She’s advanced to commenting on the proper care of horses now, too, even to my coach (!!). Samples of her comments to kids – “you just can’t ride that horse,” “you piss that horse off,” “you just do everything wrong,” etc etc.
Wow. Can you talk to the owner/manager about banning her from the barn? The barn might lose her business, but it sounds like they’re already losing other, nicer people because of her – if you’re going to lose money regardless, you may as well lose the nasty customer instead of the nice one.
I went to show my AQHA mare at an open show last year, and my 9 year old son wanted to show his gelding. We loaded up at like 7am and drove out. I had my show stuff, he had new boots, jeans and shirt. He, with his fugly but worth his weight in gold, retired ranch gelding- no silver on the saddle or headstall and the mildest bit allowed- won his class. I did get after him because he wasn’t supposed to lope (BooBoo has a sketchy lope) and he he did.
But, when the class was let out, the amount of bitching about this “piece of crap horse” winning and the judge just taking pity… it was all I could do to stay quite. Funny thing is, the judge came over and told the biggest group of complainers that it was a horsemanship class. So if they’re child wants to improve then they need to stop spurring and jerking, cause the winner (my boy) didn’t jerk and didn’t have spurs on.
The Judge was more pissed about the treatment than anyone I’ve seen in a while. I had a couple of people ask who my kid took lessons from and who trained the gelding… “My mom.”
PS, I pulled my stud out of the trainer 2 months ago (apparently he expected to be able to exhaust an appy into submission (like that’ll happen) 6 weeks of rest, 2 weeks of work and I sat on him today. His response: “can I chew on your boot?” Also, according to my vet during phantom training totally polite, collection takes about 20 min and only acts studdy when it is appropriate. Yay!
I would LOVE to know who that judge is, because she gets a freakin’ medal from me for having the GUTS to diss the jerkers and spurrers. I almost NEVER see anyone with a spine like that. I am IMPRESSED!
And yes, that is how stallions are supposed to be. I will never understand why people want to breed the nasty ones. Who even wants to deal with that? Just cut it already. Plenty of nice, kind stallions with manners out there.
Years ago, at an open show, the judge showed up… typical makeup arena before a show– riders yanking the hell out of their horse’s faces, slow down, yank yank…
Loudspeaker” “Ladies and gentlemen, this is your judge. Just to let you know what I will be looking for today– horses will be expected to show correct gaits with collection. Heads below the withers will not be used.”
30 seconds later… a makeup ring full of very confused horses being ridden by riders who were suddenly, after months of training, telling their horses to speed up, raise their heads…….. rofl. It was worth it just to see the panic.
I did well that day on my old mare– she was a lovely mover, but not a heads down mare.
THESE are the judges I dream about. These are the judges we NEED, crusty old horsepeople who know what’s truly correct and insist on it.
I was ring steward for part of the Mini 4H show this weekend. It was AWESOME. The “judge” was a very sweet young woman who took the time to talk to each kid and parent. Also there were several ponies I wanted to kidnap for my daughter.
Went to “English Day” yesterday. The judge was wearing a cowboy hat, Ropers, and a Western-style blazer. *le sigh*
Didn’t get to say for more than a couple of rding classes, but the “Wenglish” just bugs the hell out of me. Of course it’s what wins around here…..
I got to be that kid one time
My first show was with a 17 year old fugly buckskin quarterhorse.
My mom had pulled me out of lessons at the BNT’s barn when after a year of ‘riding’. I could not handle my lesson horse when he spooked to a trot on a trial. I was terrified. She’d learned to ride in KY chasing the hounds and couldn’t believe that after a year I my trainer had been so focused on ring work that I couldn’t handle a quiet horse trotting without my command. Anywayyy, she pulled me out of lessons and set me off trail riding with the barn owner to keep an eye on me. Eventually I talked her into buying me a horse. Not the GORGEOUS white arabian mare but the 16 year old fat as can be fugly QH that hadn’t been ridden in a year. He took care of me and really taught me how to ride.
A year later on a bit of a whim we went to a show (horse, mine and moms first). I had an old as dirt english saddle, a mismatched bridle and consignment boots, breeches, a velvet helmet cover, jacket and shirt. I scrubbed that horse within an inch of his life and off we went. My mom made sure to remind me several times that the horse was not show quality, I did not have a trainer and the chances of me even placing were about zero (10 riders and 6 placings). We left the show with two second places in w/t pleasure and w/t go as you please and a first in Eq. Even though it was a local show there were tons of screaming parents and trainers “I paid 10k for that pony/the judge is dumb/you cheated/ect”. The judge mentioned after that I was the only rider who actually rode my pony around the ring. It was great.
Seven years later I still have the pony (now unrideable due to attitude and health). Been showing the horse that I bought after that pony for 5 years and we’ve gone from longstirrup hunters to 3’6″ jumpers, a USPC C-3 rating and high placings in several disciplines. I’ve got over a 100 ribbons on my wall from showing that horse but those first three are my favorite. Constant reminder that working my butt off to ride right on the horse I’ve had for years instead of selling and buying a fancy one will pay off.
And as an OT discussion, I had a great show mom. She had a master in psychology. Probably the only reason my hyper competitive, massively OCD, less than rich self has been able to go so far with riding.
I was lucky enough to have a mom that after years of begging, finally got me that first horse when I was about 11 – but not before about 4 YEARS of lessons. The lady that lived across the street from us had 2 qh mares that were about as kid broke as they could get, and I showed the younger one of them in my very first dressage test
. it was youth under 12 training test, or something like that, and I got 4th out of 4 kids (all the ones I rode with in the barn of course) and I *STILL* this day remember them all giving me a standing ovation as I rode out of the ring.
I’m not sure who was prouder – ME or my mother – of that 4th place ribbon!
That was me, before the class. I was 10, so this was 1988. Wasn’t I cute? *giggle*
I showed as a kid only ONE more time after this, and it was at Flagstaff, AZ, for a 3 Day event up there, and it got rained out. So, since the entire BARN was up there for the show that wasn’t, we had our own practice show with full ‘dress’ if you will. I had my own horse at the time, and I did the same test as with Shilo up there, only, when we got into the very center of the arena, he stopped as I greeted the judges, and he stretched out and had a very GOOD pee! All I could think of was oh thank you for this being just practice, because the judges, aka my instructor and one of her assistants, were trying SOOOOO hard to hold in the giggles. Dressage is serious work you know
.
Anyways, at the end of the weekend, I got an award for the “Most Entertaining Show Performance” or something of the like – as well as two or three others now that have since been lost to memory. If I remember, the ‘awards’ were left over ribbons, and things like candy, small horsey toys for the kids, and other like items. I LOVED that weekend, and had SOOOO Much fun. Another memory was having to tie Robyn to our pickup truck’s passenger Rearview mirror so I could tie ribbons in his hair for the dressage test because there wasn’t anywhere to tie the horses too! I *KNOW* pictures exist of me tying the ribbons standing on a stepstool, him tied to the mirror, me with my tounge out in concentration as I got things ‘perfect’. I wouldn’t let anyone else do it, and my mom sure didn’t want to stand there!
I was the youngest student in the entire barn, so I was somewhat of a ‘mascot’ – every one looked out for me, everyone (even the ladies who had been eventing for years, and had what I thought at the time were some HUGE scary monster horses) were kind enough to stop and help If I ever needed it. I think that atmosphere is disappearing in our show barns.
She was an awesome show mom, she even hauled the hay up to Flag for that weekend in the ford, and was behind the trailer (with MY horse in it) when it blew two tires on the way up there. She helped change BOTH tires, and the 2 hour trip ended up taking nearly 4 hours instead.
I know I would have continued showing if she hadn’t fallen on financial difficulties, and luxuries like horses just weren’t possible anymore. And I know, had I continued, she would have been one of those ‘you did your best’ or ‘you screwed up but here’s what you need to do better’ types, without the guilt trips.
_____________________________
OK, I have to post this here, even though its OT.
If there is anyone in the area of Napoleon, MI this SATURDAY, JUNE 26TH – there are horses that I’ve been following for the last week that are going to possibly be run through the auction that will be held that night/afternoon?
The story is way too complicated to post it all here, but the entire thing can be read here –
http://clhorseads.blogspot.com/2010/06/melissa-sawiki-of-alberion-michigan-you.html
Nutshell version – emails were sent to me regarding some horses posted on craigslist. mustangs, one mare, one stallion, plus a pony, a paso fino, and an appy. The people that responded got lies, mixed up stories, and a whole bunch of bull. Some were told that the mare had foaled already, some were told that the baby was stillborn and still yet to be delivered, and yet others were told that she had delivered the foal, but the foal was given to another mare to nurse.
Then there’s another conflicting story on the mare herself – in some ads she was ‘sweet and gentle’ but in the emails people were told she’d have to be killed before you could put a halter on her – she couldn’t be caught and was as mean as they come.
At any rate, she has posted today two ads in the last several hours – one stating all of them were going to the auction, and the second one (just posted in the last hour) states she only has the stallion and the pony left? NO CLUE where the mare went. Have people trying to track that down now.
At any rate, I’m in Phoenix, and MI is a *bit far* for me, so I know locals are trying to figure out where these horses went. Anyone that is willing to help out and get them away form her is a friend in MY book.
Wow, some amazing stories. My mom was very supportive of my horse habit, and I can’t thank her enough for all she did.
A couple of quick stories:
I learned to ride a big hunter/jumper barn. We didn’t have much money as many of the other clients did, but my mom made it possible for me to take lessons there, driving me 45 minutes one way. My mom liked fashion and the symphony, not horses!
On one occasion, one of the lesson horses was colicing from eating too many pears that fell from a tree in the pasture (or that’s how I remember it, anyway). My instructor talked my mother into walking him around for 45 minutes, even as all the while he was drooling onto her shoulder. Later, she went to a very nice dress shop, where the snooty sales lady asked “what is that smell?”
At another time, the barn’s trainer decided to overmount me, a very tiny eight year old, on a very hot horse. I rode for a bit, then she took off like a rocket toward the open arena door. I can still remember hanging on for dear life. I managed to turn that mare around, but not before my mother and the trainer both almost had coronaries. My mother later said, “Joey turned white as a sheet, and afterwards his hands were shaking so badly he couldn’t light a cigarette.” She still let me ride there. Actually, I remember it well and they were a lot more scared than I was … wish I had that courage today!
Later on, my mother pulled a rented horse trailer with our Volvo sedan so I could show my self-trained horse — we had moved by that time, no more fancy barns. She knew nothing about trailering, and didn’t like horses, but she did it for me. At that show, I won a fourth place in Stock Seat Equitation under Don Burt (anyone remember him from the 70s? He used to write for one of the horse magazines, he was a big wheel at the time). I was so proud because my show outfit was cobbled together and I had a $500 horse who I had trained myself, unlike most of the rest of the Arabian show princesses in the class. I even got a compliment from one of them on my outfit! I loved that show outfit — peacock blue chaps, hat, and a polyester patterned shirt. On a bright chestnut with chrome, I was the shizzle!
I am saddened to read that so many parents bring their own issues into their childrearing in destructive ways. We are human before we are parents, but I wish people would think twice about what they do to children. My child didn’t inherit my “horse fever” so I encourage him to discover what it is that he loves most, and try his best. I am proud when he does well and sympathetic when it goes poorly. Then again, I figure I saved a lot of money with only one of us having a horse addiction!
I showed as a kid and would have loved my parents to be there. But my parents were divorced when I was little and my mom passed away before I started showing. My aunt came to a couple of shows, but it was usually me, my trainer and her other students (who were all adults that were honorary “Aunts” to me).
Now that I am a mom of a boy who genuinely loves riding, I have done my best to be one of the “good” parents. Even though I started teaching riding lessons over 20 years ago, I refuse to be my kid’s coach. I know myself well enough to know that the line between mom and coach would get blurred.
For quite a few years, I would walk away from the ring when he had lessons. I know that I would have comments to make, but that would not have been fair to my son or his coach. So, I would go say “Hello!” to all of the horses in the barn until I heard them come back to the crossties.
I wish I could buy Will a brilliant show pony, but we are a single-income family (by choice in that my job is being Will’s mom) and I don’t have $25,000 laying around. Instead, Will gets to ride what we have. His leadline pony was my stallion (see avitar) and he is currently riding a lovely mare that we have on a breeding lease. (He still rides my stallion, Sprocket, in lessons because Sprocket has a lot to teach Will.)
At the end of a class, I let him tell me what he thought about his class regardless of the placings. He has won some and also gotten the gate, but he is always quite honest about the class. AND he will be the first to point out that the kid who beat him did a really nice job.
But the one thing I have instilled in him is that his coach does not need to be there helping him. Mike chooses to be there and chooses to teach him. Because of this, Will goes out of his way to thank Mike for spending time with him.
I hope to be a horse show mom for many more years, but if he chooses dirt bikes over ponies that is OK. I will keep playing with my ponies and he can coach me from the sidelines.
(He actually has already has done this and was super supportive and encouraging.)
Ha Ha … I’ve seen photos of Sprocket, and I would definitely categorize him as a top-notch show pony – or better than “merely adequate”!
My daughter is 5. She gets on my big ol’ horse and I lead her around – but next year she’ll take lessons from someone else. My husband feels the same way – he’ll probably never coach any athletic team she’s on, unless there’s absolutely no other option.
Our trainer would rather starve than deal with obnoxious parents, and she has no problem showing them the door. A few months ago I attended a clinic at our barn with a mother and her daughter. I knew they had been showing for a while, but I had never really seen them ride. I was shocked as I watched the daughter flailing in the saddle, looking scared to death, while her horse tried to figure out what the heck she wanted him to do. All of this was of course the trainer’s fault and had nothing to due with the daughter’s inability to ride or the fact that the mom only brought her out once a week at most to practice. When the mother accused the trainer of not doing her job, trainer flatly told her that her daughter was the problem, not the horse. They took the horse out of training and never came back.
Shortly after their departure, the horse broke his leg and had to be put down. Not wanting to miss a show, horse show mom of the year bought a $30,000 finished all-arounder for her daughter and decided to no longer use a trainer. I think daughter did pretty well at first, but when I saw them last month it was a total train wreck. And of course they are taking the $30,000 horse to the local 4-H shows. Klassy!!
I had my own mother of the year moment at a show last month. For some reason my daughter, who has been riding for 4 years, started missing her diagonals. At the show I threatened her within an inch of her life to not miss her diagonals and lectured her about how there is no excuse to miss one, she should be able to do it blindfolded, etc. She ended up having a lovely ride, her first time showing my big horse. I went into my HUS class and had an ok ride. When I exited the arena my trainer was waiting for me to tell me I had the wrong diagonal the whole time going to the left. My daughter stood there with the biggest grin on her face. I’m still trying to live that one down.
My parents are amazing horse show parents. My mom is official moral support and water bottle holder. My dad will actually hold my horse/pony while I walk the course if the groom can’t and then he just takes pictures of everyone. I once did a show in St. Louis and actually had the woman running the food stand ask if they were my parents just to tell me how cute she thought they were and how delightful they were to have around. Our family vacations have been my horse shows they rarely miss them. They’re truly wonderful show parents.
I’ve seen the extreme opposite also. I’ve seen a lot of seemingly supportive show parents at high end rated hunter/jumper shows who want to see lots of ribbons in turn for all the money they pour in to it. That was interesting. I’ve only ever met one abusive parent and he’s actually the father of a girl in my barn now, it’s difficult because we think the horse is one of the only things the kid has going for her and he’s her ride to and from the barn. He’s a very strange offensive man and our trainer I think had to actually tell him to not speak to other boarders because he was offending everyone. He’s been better since he got back from rehab though…
I have loved horses all my life. When I got pregnant with my daughter, I had a very high risk pregnancy so had to quit riding. After my daughter was born, my finances were such that I could not afford lessons or trail time so all-things-horse were set aside for many years. Now, recently back in the horse world, my 9 yr old granddaughter is showing interest in horses. So, grandma is taking her to horse day camp. Her parents will not be there
They are not in to horses anyway. Meanwhile, grandma will smile and tell the granddaughter every day of camp to HAVE FUN.
My Parents aren’t horsey people, however my Grandfather was. He took me to my lessons every Sunday at the same time for seven years. He would schedule his vacation to come to the county fair and help me with the horses. He never missed a show or a 4-H meeting. He was always so positive about my riding and showing, it was something special that we had together. When he retired he was going to buy a farm so we could have our horses together. He passed away shortly before his 63rd birthday. It has been 10 years since he passed and not a day goes by that I don’t think of him. I now have an eight year old daughter who has caught the horsey bug and I hope I can be as good to her as he was to me.
I’ve been lucky that I’ve had a supportive Mom and ended up in a great club. My Mom has learned from the trainer about how to coach me and give me pointers and she helps me in every way possible during the shows. My Dad has never seen me show and hasn’t seen me ride (except on tape) since he was dragging me around his pasture on POS mare who I could have ridden by myself. Mom and Dad have been divorced since I was four and Dad has been abusive all my life. In fact, the last time I saw him in person I practically begged him to come watch me ride, instead he drug me to Dairy Queen to lie and browbeat me some more. I show for fun, but there is also this grim satisfaction that Dad never thought I could do it, but I do and I do pretty well too.
The only bad parents I’ve run into are of the “we’re rich so we’ll buy a national champ for our inexperienced daughter” type and then they don’t listen to anybody. The judges say she needs to actually be in control of the horse, that he’s a “push button” horse and they freak out. Lovely people in every other aspect but, they don’t take suggestions or criticism well.
And then there is the trainer’s kids! As a working student, I watched my trainer’s child order one of our kindly, helpful show Dad’s around as though he were a slave. She then turned to her friend and said that he was “like our mexican”. (We were a small barn at an A-circuit show, so we didn’t have a legion of immigrant workers doing things for us. Rather, we all helped each other, and had wonderful show parents around helping to clean stalls, run errands, and support all of the show kids.) When the kindly show Dad said nothing to the girl, I stepped in and scolded her. I was later reprimanded by trainer, because its not my place to scold the hard working A-circuit kid who HAD to ride so many horses that day. I’ve never regretted stepping in. I don’t care who you are, how much money you have, or how good you think you are, such rudeness and racism is never acceptable!
I must say, however, that I still love the trainer, and her daughter has grown to a wonderful young lady. Stress and fatigue can bring out the worst in people. But I don’t care if your top junior rider in the country, I don’t have to accept it!
Ah horse show parents. Somewhere between being hit with girths and being told that if I didn’t show, my horse would be sold since, “There’s no point in keeping him if you’re not going to show”, I gave up on showing. One parent, ahem, had a right shit-fit when I announced that I would no longer show almost every weekend. In fact, I didn’t want to show at all anymore. No, my horse wasn’t sold, but no showing meant no funding for things such as training and basic care for my horse. So instead of spending my weekends in tears at a show, I got a job to keep my horse healthy, happy, and well-trained.
Thanks, seriously. I was becoming dismayed that my mom seemed to be the craziest parent on here but at least my mom never hit me with a girth! You gotta laugh about these things, right?
I actually thought my mom was great at the time – it’s only now that I realize, “You can’t quit, I have talked two of my friends into investing in this business and we need you to keep riding,” is a little nutty to do to a teenager. Geez, the wonder of the thing is that it WASN’T a complete disaster, just a partial one!
I’m glad you got to keep your horse and have fun. I think it’s easy to forget, because horses cost so darned much money, that they don’t really have a purpose other than fun. None of us here are using them to plow fields or get to work in the morning. We’re doing this because we love it. All the blue ribbons in the world aren’t worth being miserable over.
Note to Cathy: preview seems to work, thanks!
A couple of years ago Hickstead actually *cancelled* the Junior and Pony Masters comp at the British Jumping Derby. The organisers had moved the class out of the main ring, and the parents were so obnoxious about this that they just scrapped it altogether. Called their bluff!
There have also been incidents of children’s jumping ponies being doped, most notorious of which was in Jersey: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/3655270/Horseplay-or-foul-play.html
I spent some time on the UK pony racing circuit and that was rife with super competitive parents at the upper level. The sport was only introduced a few years ago, and it was already dominated by the children of real racehorse trainers, often riding exceptionally small thoroughbreds. Not all of them qould have squeaked under a measuring stick at 14.2hh, either. Some of the parents were spending five figure sums on racing ponies…
Oh and that show pony which had its tail burned off with acid last year. That was a doozey.
What acid? I haven’t heard this story.
Here: http://www.horseandhound.co.uk/competitionnews/397/287855.html
Pretty hideous.
Oh and there were parents betting on their kids in the pony races. No pressure, kiddiewinks!
From the article-
“It’s terribly, terribly frustrating, after one’s spent these hideous amounts of money and all one’s spare time, to see one’s idiot of a child not winning! And afterwards the child tells me it’s all about the taking part! Well, it’s not for me.”
Yikes! That so perfectly represents the negative show parent attitude; it almost sounds like parody.
Totally out of topic, but its world soccer championship – watch here the secret soccer artist from germany :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=45RXwbkaYMk&feature=player_embedded#
That was awesome!! Thanks for sharing.
There are some seriously gorgeous Standardbreds in WA having a second career in the show ring.
http://www.spphawa.org/
The best show horses are still Thoroughbred.
We have a a wealthy woman showing ponys here. She will import 20,000. dollar show stallions and insist that she shows in open classes so that she can clean up on all the ribbons, from as many classes as she can. She uses her money to back her greed, and for some reason gets away with it. She is the VP of our club, does nothing to promote the club, only herself, sound familiar ? We allow her to call more shots then she deserved because she is the “big fish” with powerful friends that could screw the club , the club is new , and we struggle for members . Really people how many flippen ribbons do you need, when is it enough? and to show the same flippen horse over and over and over again just for that ribbon. When we enter a class with her , we roll our eyes and tell another congrats on your 2nd , 3rd place knowing she will always take first. How do you cometer a bottom dollar show horse with a top dollar show horse, or a “show horse ” that still lives like a horse (with a field , and freedom) to a 20,000 horse that has its tail wrapped all the time , stalled , and exercises everyday on a treadmil, by a professional trainer….Most of us have to train our horses between house cleaning and our full time job. I know life isnt fair …but geez…
OMG! Another yearling that’s been ‘ridden’.. this time a pony filly 14 mos old, with a SIX YEAR OLD on her back. A baby — that’s just nuts for the baby’s sake as well as the filly’s.. but a SIX YEAR OLD is a relatively heavy load for a 14 mo old baby. This baby, btw, has a head that’s cute as can be – she looks wise, like an old soul — but she’s as narrow as a golden book beginner reader…
Here’s the text. Apparently the woman wanted something bigger, or smaller, and spooted. So why does she have a large pony baby, with no spots? The baby ‘loves everything’.. not for long, if she stays where she is!
http://ocala.craigslist.org/grd/1798079849.html
Here’s the text of the ad:
1 yr and 4 months old. She is around 12.2 hh or (48inches)and has not grown much more. She is a good little girl that follows you around. She is good with the kids and other horses. I put a 6 yr. old girl on her and she was led around with no problem. She loves everything. I had her feet done and shots were done 3 months ago. Happy and healthy. This filly is going to be a med. to large pony and I was looking for a small pony or paint horse. I offer her as low as possible to get what I was looking for. She is a good pony but not what fits me now.
Looking for a paint foal filly or colt with color. A 36 to 42 in pony. Also looking for a 17 in leather western saddle. So trades are welcome or sell is offered.
WOOPS! She’s not 14 mos.. she’s 16 months. I guess that means it’s okay to put 6 yr olds on her back…
Is it too much to hope that her 17 inch butt isn’t going to be sitting on that 36 inch pony??
That is exactly what I was thinking!
OT: Here is that Oldenberg from Fort Smith AR Craigslist again. You can see the full add with pictures by clicking on the link (saved in to my photobucket).
“”Golliath” is a whoping 17.3 hands tall and has an awesome personality. I am 6ft tall and i cant see over him when I’m next to him. Previously he was a Hunter Jumper and has a National tittle under his girth lol. He loves people and attention and I hate selling him so i will be very selective to whom gets him. He lounges on a loungeline and moves off leg pressure. He carries himself with sheer elegance. He is not fond of loading in the trailer tho as he thinks he is just to big to fit. He is on the thin side right now but when he gets filld out he is gona be monsterous. Please call or text 918-413-5860 or feel free 2 email. ”
Oldenberg on AR Craigslist
I know nothing about horses but I’m quite sure their butts are not supposed to be pointy like that.
Poor horse.
Man, he’s skinny. That’s severely tempting, I wonder what’s wrong with him?
God, I hope he ends up safe. I fell in love with a gi-normous warmblood at my riding club here in Berlin. This makes me think of him.
WHO gives away a winning warmblood on Craigslist?
What’s the full story, here?
When I was a horse-crazy child in semi-rural Oregon, I would have given anything for more than the occasional ride on a rental horse – two dollars per hour from my painfully hoarded allowance. The parents thought of riding as silly unless you were a cowboy, and would never spend a penny to indulge me in something so frivolous and snobbish as real lessons; would no sooner have considered letting me show than they would have considered a family road trip to Mars. There was no way for me to earn more money, and no way to travel except by bicycle. When my mother suddenly decided to sign me up for and drive me to real weekly group riding lessons – English saddles, an indoor ring – I was over the moon. I thought they finally understood, and only learned many years later that she did that because my older sister was apparently such a hellion that the parents felt guilty for giving her all their attention. Have I mentioned that I love my now-staid and respectable sister?
I suspect that owning four horses now is some sort of overcompensation. Gee, do you think?
It’s funny – I always noticed the kids and their temper tantrums more than the demanding parents. Maybe it was because the kids were worse? I knew one family where the mother did EVERYTHING for the girl…we were in 4H and the kids are supposed to do it all…but not her. Her mom did her project book, tacked up the horse, groomed, bathed, etc. The girl would get on beat the snot out of the horse and then get all kinds of ticked if she came out of the ring with anything other than a blue (and sometimes even if she did win!). It was really gratifying for me (on my $750 – with tack – from the auction backyard horse) to be the one who beat her (on her $5000+ gelding)!
My parents weren’t saints, but they were always supportive of what I wanted to do and respectful of my instructors. My main goal at ALL the horse shows – 4H, open and specialized alike, was to have fun. I wasn’t going to be allowed to show if I didn’t have fun. It didn’t matter what place I came in. Obviously, some days were better than others, but enjoyment was #1 priority…2nd was learning – I don’t think placing was anywhere on that list. (Doesn’t mean I didn’t enjoy winning when I did…
it is part of showing in my mind…. )
I had the “honor” once of being parked next to a family who spent the entire weekend SCREAMING at each other. Mom would yell at the kids for not winning, the kids would blame the horses, dad would scream back at everyone. After that, we always made sure we were parked well away from them. The kids did win alot, but they paid a price for it. And the horses really paid a price for it. That particulair weekend, my horse (who was a nobody) won the halter, English and Western Sweepstakes money classes. Later while I was sitting in the stands, I overheard two ladiies ahead of me talking about “that rider” (me) must know the judge! Ha!
Oh horses show parents… it’s not only disturbing knowing of and seeing their actions and verbal assaults directed at the child in front of the child – equally horrible is hearing the gathering of parents in the stands/alongside the rail muttering to themselves or each other about what their child currently in the ring is doing wrong.
At a hunter/jumper show years ago, I was mulling around the ring watching and supporting my barn’s young riders and was taken aback by the mothers in their lawn chairs outside of the ring completely dissing their kids and criticizing the heck out of them. The negativity was horrid – not something a child should ever hear their parents say about them, but when the kids would come out of the ring, the parents told their kids in clipped words with fake smiles, “good job, sweetie”.
Regarding the parents who spend money on their kid’s horsey dreams and then bash the shit out of them, my thought is this: That money isn’t paying for riding lessons and ribbons, trailering and show fees; it’s paying for life lessons. If the money is dirty, the life lessons will be too.
My parents weren’t interested in horses. My dad supported me to an extent and found horses amusing and paid for lessons for me. But they were quite disinterested, which taught me to be independent with my hobby. I realized they weren’t going to buy me a horse and they didn’t see the point in paying $500 for a used, good quality saddle when they could buy the crappy, cheapo $150 (brand new) kind instead. I learned a heck of a lot on my own and via trainers, riding buddies, and fellow stablehands, and solely financed the purchase, upkeep, and training of my own horse (and later sold him when reality struck and I didn’t have time and money for him). Now, I can head off to the barn to ride and not be upset or bothered when my long-time boyfriend is not at all interested in joining me. It’s a hobby I know not everyone likes, and I’m totally cool with that. It’s also really good “me” time.
WAY OT:
Cathy, old computer died, lost your Email, here is a little future fodder for you. Article from local electric coop http://www.ecsc.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=561&Itemid=252 prompted me to go to the breeder’s web site. Could this be considered Beyond Tacky? ? enjoy ? ? *SC resident hangs head in shame*
http://carolinamarshtacky.com/stallions.shtml
I taught beginner lessons for a bunch of years and for the most part, most of the parents were great. I had one Mom that eventually left after telling me that I “would pay more attention to them if they had 10,000 to spend on a horse for their son”. She always wanted something for free or no cost, I was pissed after that, her son was a really good, quiet, effective rider and I always tried to get him some free rides or hacking the unused school horses. After her meltdown at a show and her comment, our relationship was never the same and the kid eventually gave up riding.
My parents were great. Never horse people, but always supportive. It took my trainer ( thanks, Robert!) reading me the riot act for being a total brat and he wouldn’t let me show unless I appreciated them that it sunk in. My mother would bring a wet washcloth in a plastic baggie to the shows so I could wipe my face off after showing in the 90 degrees, take all of my nasty, sweaty clothes home to wash and make sure my QH gelding got his “reward” can of Pepsi at the end of day for jumping everything no matter how badly I screwed us up. My dad took HOURS of videotape that I still have. After 30 years of riding, my parents ( who are in their 70′s) still come out to watch me ride my TB mare, when they are in town and stuff her full of carrots when they think I’m not looking.
when they are in town.
I work at the N. California miniature donkey show every year. It’s lots of fun, people are great, and I get to hug little donkeys. I work at the gate, so I see everyone. What I really get to see is individual responses to stress. Some people shut down, some lose it, and some come to the show determined to have fun no matter what. That last group usually don’t have a financial interest at stake, but a couple of them can lift the spirits of the rest. So yay to the dedicated amateur!
*shameless promo*. This year’s show will be on Labor Day weekend at the Tehama fairgrounds. We will be hosting the nationals. Come watch if you need a big dose of cute.
My parents don’t really come to my shows much, my mom usually comes fort two or three hours, but my dad usually stays home with my siblings. I think he’s been to two or three shows of mine in 6 years. I don’t mind too much, I love hanging with my barn friends and my trainer. My parents aren’t horse people, so I understand.
I have slightly amusing story, that kind of relates to today’s topic, kind of not.
Anyway, my OHSET team used to be in a different district- it just moved to this district this past year. In the other district, there was another school that my school is pretty good friends with, we borrow horses from the same person (my trainer) and we all know each other and fun stuff like that. A couple years ago, a girl from the other school got placed pretty low in dressage (keep in mind she was riding her 3rd level dressage horse, and she is a 1st of 3rd level rider. Also, this was either a training level test, or a first level test- everybody in OHSET has to do the same test). Sometimes her horse can have mental breakdowns, and really, it wasn’t the placing that everybody was freaking out about- it was what was written on her score sheet. In fact, the OHSET officials had to white out some of the judges comment because they were so blatantly rude. But before they whited them out, they showed them to my trainer, who told the girls mom. They said something along the lines of “You look like you enjoy riding, maybe you should learn how.” Anyway, one of my OHSET friends mom (the coach for our team) got him banned from judging in that district again. xDD
Now that we got moved to another district though, the bad judge is back… So he was at our last meet, and did some pretty crappy placing as it was (he placed one of my friends over our other friend, when it was obvious that my friend who placed higher had a round that didn’t compare to the one who placed lower). But THEN (it gets better) so saw this girl who used to be in our Pony Club in the stands. We were really confused because she got kicked off her OHSET team and when she was in OHSET wasn’t even in our district. So we were wondering why the hell she and her mumsy would drive 2 hours to watch us compete without even telling us. (let it be known we haven’t spoken in years and my friends and I were never really friends with her). This girl’s mom is just one of those people; she’s rude, she believes that her daughter is just the most darling thing on the planet, she thinks she deserves the best in life, and she thinks she’s better than others. Ugh, her daughter takes after her. SO FINALLY my friends and I and my trainer think we figured out why she was there. She is now taking lessons from Sir Crappy Judge and wanted to watch him judge! HAHAHA. LMAO. We saw them eating together in the cafeteria. When we figured it out, I was drinking hot chocolate, and snorted it. LOL. It’s so ridiculous.
OK, THESE are good people! Text:
Blind Gelding Looking for a Friend!Please help me!! I Can Not See. (Lake Oswego, OR)
Blind Gelding Looking for a Friend!Please help me!! I Can Not See Any More I Need Friend!!
Please help me. I am looking for a Female. I am an 18 year old Appaloosa/Percheron Gelding that is blind and needs a stall pal. My Mom will give her a great home. She will have the best care. She will get to be with my me on 3 ac. to run and and play and will have a stall to come into when the weather is not good and at night too. She would get the best care, love and food. Please I need help finding a friend for me. I can not go out until I has a friend. Please email me back with pic’s of what you have and tell me more about them too. Hope to hear from you soon. Thank you.
http://portland.craigslist.org/clc/grd/1798953124.html
So, not only do they want to keep and love and help their older, blind horse, they want to get another one, just so that he will have a pal who can help him find his way around the pasture. How sweet! Anybody know of a sweet pasture ornament mare that some uncaring jerk wants to toss away to what sounds like a loving home? I hope they find a guide buddy for him!
Awwww!
My mare’s sire has gone blind and he has his own “guide mini.” The little guy looks just like him (dark liver chestnut) but “shrunk in the wash.” They are great buddies.
I have to say, all in all awesome stories and I thoroughly enjoyed reading them. Some even brought tears to my eyes. This brought back some really awesome memories for me. Thanks all!
I am so glad I had awesome parents when I was showing. They played the “Horse Show Parent” role incredibly well! Dad got himself a shiny new camera. His excuse: “I have to take good pictures!” And man did he ever for someone who had never taken pictures of horses! My mom wanted a video camera, and her excuse was so I could watch myself ride (which was awesome by the way!). I never did own my own horse. We always half leased horses. The first one was a 20 year old Arab mare. The next was a 15 year old bred stock paint mare who ended up diagnosed with Navicular. After that was a horse I rode for 2 weeks, and Oldenburg gelding that was insanely fit. Then a 5 year old Hanovarian/Thoroghbred mare and a 5 year Arab (didn’t end up showing the Arab since she flipped over backward before I hopped on, she was absolutely nuts). The last was a 4 year old Friesian gelding. The last three I was training, not leasing. My mom got to be good enough to know what piece of tack came next, and would hand it to me. She’d french braid my hair, and made sure people stayed away so I could braid my horse’s mane in peace (all of my horses LOVED people). They’d help me with the little things too. First horse show I went to I was 15, and TINY. Couldn’t lift the 5 gallon water bucket by myself. Asked my dad kindly if he’d help me fill it and hang it up, to which he obliged. Shortly after a girl we were stabled near looked at her dad and yelled “Dad, get the horse water”. I vowed never to be like that.
But I digress. When it came down to showing, my parents would sit on the sidelines and take pictures/video tape of my ride. After I saluted the judge (I showed Dressage for a small Dressage club near me), they’d be the ones that cheered the loudest. It never mattered to me what place I got, just that I improved what I’d been working on. My trainer would go over what I should do differently for the next class, but tell me job well done on that one. At these shows they had this booth that sold soft molasses horse treats. My mom would always buy a small tub of them, and we would treat my horse for a job well done. We’d put the horse away, make sure they had water, then go in search of the scores. Because of this I never lost my passion for horses. It never mattered what that ribbon was. Only thing I looked at was my score, and what the judges comments were. I still have absolutely every riding test I rode so when I have the time and money to get back into riding horses I’ll have reminders of what my weaknesses were.
While reading this blog, I had to share with my mom some of these horror stories. Her mouth gaped open, and she was just in shock. I am so thankful to have the parents I did. In all of my showing careers, they only ever missed one show, and that was the one show I actually fell off and hurt myself. There were close calls including run away mare, and an almost flooded ring that caused my mare to slip, but never once did my mom try to convince me to quit or become harder on me.
It wasn’t me that was teaching, but I still remember vividly an uber-competitive “show-mom-from-hell-in-training” who pitched a MASSIVE fit because her daughter only got 2 minutes on the lunge line with the coach during one of her first beginner lessons (we’re talking not even ready to show lead-line yet – literally their first time on a horse/pony!), when the 2/3 others in her group got 3-4 minutes (why? because she was a natural athlete and had coordination up the ying-yang…figured out how to do everything in seconds and was already MILES ahead of her group in terms of ability and did just as well independently as she did on the lunge, so she got to practice her trotting ect using the whole ring while the others walked in a small circle). Didn’t matter to her mother – “her” daughter was obviously being held back and the coach was playing favorites with the others….sheesh!!
(yet mommy-dearest didn’t want to pay for private lessons…oohhh no! that was a rip off! lol)
This attitude carries over even if these people DO show themselves – my personal fav – the wife (who is your typical “rich spoiled trophy wife” and an absolutely HORRIBLE rider – seriously, I have no idea how she hasn’t died yet! lol) of the barn I used to manage threw an AMAZING fit to her coach while watching all of the horses schooling at an A-show…there was this one horse-rider combo who was obviously going to win everything and ruin her chances of winning ect ect ect. Her trainer and the pro rider who also worked with her just stared at her in amazement and assured her they could prevent that from happening which delighted her…..her coach then pulled that rider and horse aside to tell her the situation (it was ME warming up HER horse for her lmfao!!!).
I think that was literally the beginning of the end for me working for them – I refused to be associated with someone so ignorant and, well….”dumb-blondish”
I’ve been reading all these comments and I realized just how much I lucked out in the parents department
My Mom and Dad where supportive from the start (before I could walk, I think 
), even though neither are very horsey. They’ve made a real effort to learn for me though. Since we move a lot, to really underdeveloped countries, it’s been hard to keep my training consistent – right now, the country we live in has a total of about 1-2 dressage trainers, and my parents have to drive me the 6-7 hours to see mine (who is actually REALLY good), for which I am soooooo grateful.
My Mom is probably more scared of me falling off than I am, and my Dad is the camera man, filming everything so I can go back and see how to improve. I’m funny though, I like force criticism out of my parents so I can improve, and they’re always really helpful. I think my Dadda understands the meaning of impulsion more than I do xD At shows, the first thing they ask when I come out of the ring is ‘did you have fun?’ and that’s all that really matters to them. As far as stuff like hauling, grooming, etc, I’ve never actually had my own horse so it’s always school horses, and almost every time the groom will do everything for me D: Except for that one time when we put my old geezer of a horse loose in his stall to have a drink between classes, and he decided he’d have a roll
It didn’t post the rest of it o.o
As for show moms and dads~~ I have seen the worst of it, I think. At my old stables, there is one girl who rides, only because her mother forces her to, on the same pony in the same classes at every competition for the time I was there, just so she could say she won. The mother was always there pushing her one way or another, if she wasn’t riding herself. And the trainer was horrible! She yelled at you again and again and again until it was up to her standard. Then there was this one trainer who had a select few students he would push and push and perfect until he knew they could win the class, not really caring if the student was scared of the horse. I had him for a while, and boy did I learn my lesson. I swear I couldn’t ride anything but the slowest, oldest, most unresponsive horses for a year before I could get my confidence back up. There was also another boy, who’s father really believed that riding was a prestige thing, so he really pushed his son to do well, even though I’m pretty sure that kid barely even liked horses. That trainer, I think was getting paid off by the dad, because he would only pay attention to that one kid during lessons. And that kid was always on the same spooky pony, no variation. I guess they figured it you could ride that, you can ride anything :/
…yeah. My rant is done
I have to say that i have been rather lucky with the parent thing. So far none i want to send home or lock in the stall. Now the kids are another story. I used to teach at a 4-H camp where any kid could come to camp with thier horse and not nessesarily be a regular member of the 4-H group. Pay your money, get your horse and come to camp. The last time I taught I wanted to choke the kids. I taught the gaited horse class. They were the whineyest, the rudest, the most disrespectful, condensending, most obstinant, obtuse bunch I ever encountered. I only had 2 that wanted to learn but they were bored and tired of the others boo hooing and 1 bailed and went home early and the other did her best to stick it out. I even gave her extra instruction during free ride time. All of my students in the past did very well in thier classes during the show. I always had students clean up in thier classes from 1st to third consecutively in thier halter classes that were combined with the hunter english class. I was proud of my kids esp the ones that worked hard and listened well. My best students always did well when showing in thier respective classes and it showed. The last year i taught none of my kids did well. One refused to listen to anything i said during the week and showed her horse in the gaited class and didnt place. She whined and boo hooed and carried on about it. Then had the nerve to ask me what she did wrong. I told her “everything you refused to listen to me about all week.” My best student didnt want to show and I tried to convince her to do so but she didnt want to. I was a little disappointed. I refused to teach any more for the camp. I have to say that was my worst experience teaching i have had.
Unrelated, but fugs, you’ve got to check out this stallion ad:
http://westslope.craigslist.org/grd/1799296116.html
The same person also has listed “for a friend” several other paint stallions who don’t even halter, as well as other unhandleable horses that I can only assume are these stallions’ broodmares and offspring, all of them equally worthless and most of them skinny. They’re also turned out together all with drag ropes on.
http://westslope.craigslist.org/grd/1799273519.html
http://westslope.craigslist.org/grd/1799281231.html
http://westslope.craigslist.org/grd/1799302103.html
http://westslope.craigslist.org/grd/1799271120.html
I love how these people put on the ad “train him/her your way!” as if the lack of training is a positive selling point rather than a total clusterfuck.
Those horses are fucking horrible. Even though the little girl inside of me thinks that first stallion has an adorable head and will make a pretty gelding, but whatever, I’m uneducated. But that picture where it shows the frontside of him he looks like a really narrow yearling. :S
I have seen better reigning prospects on Gaited horses than that paint stallion. uggk
Re: the 4 they’re “selling for a friend”… Worthless and skinny at the moment, but to me they look like with some decent care and a few months with a trainer, they could be cute mounts, especially the black pinto mare.
HOWEVER – the horstrosity they are selling as a stallion – what a wreck – horrible conformation, worst camping out I have EVER seen, plus the bonus of a melon sized hock. That poor thing will never be sound or ridable, and would be lucky to be gelded and live comfortably as a pasture pet. He is a prime candidate for the KBs.
I personally will never buy a trained horse ever again. IMO you always seem to end up with someone elses problem, at least for the events I do. I mean why else would it be for sale. Plus it feels so much better to win when you have done all the training yourself.
Ugh… horse show moms… I had one, unfortunately. My parents were not particularly well-off financially, so I did not have the most expensive horses. I didn’t have the most expensive tack, clothes, equipment, etc. We rolled up to the Nationals with an 80s model suburban and 2-horse trailer. But I worked my butt off and lucked out with two great horses with tons of potential that eventually materialized. You would think that would have been enough. Oh no. My mother was so much of a terror at the shows that my trainer eventually decided not to train me. I remember her arguing with everyone. Every. One. It was embarassing. I have distinct memories of her calling my trainer after shows to gripe and complain about how I was not being treated the same as the other students in his barn. Of course I wasn’t. I was the only one who did not board my horses at his barn. My parents (read: Dad) could not pay full show fees, so I was responsible for doing all of my grooming, warming up, tack cleaning, etc. She would become so enraged at the idea that the other kids did not saddle their horses, would not even warm up their own horses, then jump on about 10 minutes before the class and win. As a result, I felt so much pressure to win since I was constantly being reminded of how much my dad was spending on the horses and shows. I felt I needed to win to make sure it was all worth the money. Once my trainer decided not to train me any longer, I gave up showing. It was a good excuse to get out of it. I sold my jumper and kept my all-around horse to ride on trails. He’s a 28-year old pasture pet now.
My younger sister got heavily involved in another sport in high school and it was the same story with my mother. It even got to the point where the team parents petitioned to have my sister removed from the team because my mother was terrorizing everyone. My mother couldn’t believe it was happening again. I simply said “What’s the common denominator? You!”
My dad on the other hand was wonderful. If just he and I went to a show, it was fun and stress-free. Everyone at the shows liked my dad. He totally let me do my own thing, stayed out of my way, was laid back and was always cracking jokes and making people laugh. He made shows fun. I think he was few and far between, though.
When I started horse showing, my mom was disappointed because I was not placing. One day I noticed she was not in the stands. I asked her why she was not was not watching and she said it was because she was sick of seeing the same kids win and me lose. After that she no longer watches me show and stays in the car. Usually she doesn’t even go with me to shows because she stresses me out sometimes. If I didn’t need parents at shows ( legality wise) then I wouldn’t want them there. I personally prefer being on my own.
The parents that bug me the most are the parents that do ALL the work for their kids. I learn so much for being on my own, and personally I think if you can’t that prepare your horse, then you shouldn’t be showing.
Kids who treat their parents like dirt/servants know no differently because said parents have not snatched them up short (preferably when they are in diapers, heh heh) and put “hand to the seat of the problem” early on. I’m not for frequent beatings, but sometimes a swat — just one , AND to a heavily padded diapered bottom — is all it takes. (I also think adoptive parents are worse then most, but I digress).
I feel sorry for trainers who have to take these precious little darlings (who have never heard the word “No” told to them and MEANT) and try to make good riders and good competitors out of them (meaning “gracious winners and losers”).
As for showing favoritism, that’s a tougher call because perception (of parent or child) is not always accurate. I owned my first horse at nearly 30 years of age (me, not the horse ;o) and had a difficult time finding anyone to train me. Most of the jumping clinics I attended were filled with kids, so I was the lone adult out there hopping over cross rails. I rode with Gene Lewis and Larry Mayfield for a few lessons and will say I learned a lot from each of them. They were willing to take an adult and her AQHA gelding and help with the jumping. My horse won the Junior Reining buckle at the Cow Palace in 1966 with Barbara Worth Oakford judging, so English and h/j were NOT his initial career path ;o)
Fast-forward another 30 years and now I’m trying to learn dressage on an OTTB, but there is still a prejudice. “Never teach anyone in her 40s or above how to ride dressage. It’s impossible” is the mantra for a lot of trainers. Some of them, however, know that a steady income from clinic lessons teaching clots like me on horses like mine is not a bad thing, so I have regular spots in clinics with two trainers who are willing to let me to flop around on my horse for 45 minutes and get him warmed up enough to stop on a good note
The first “lower level back yard dressage ‘trainer’” I rode with did show favoritism. When her toady-student The Fat One won a year-end chapter award, she went to the banquet and posed with TFO while I took pictures. Two years later I won the trophy but the cretin-trainer didn’t feel the need to go to the banquet. I had to hand my camera off to someone else to take my picture. (I even told the cretin it would mean a lot to me if she were there. She said, basically, it wasn’t in her life plan).
Of course, TFO was always late with her board bill and cretin would complain to me about it, but the bottom line: It was more important to her to keep TFO and her horse in training so the trainer’s income remained steady. I hauled down and back for lessons a couple of times a month, so keeping me happy (or “losing my income”) was no big deal.
This witch also turned into the Coach from Hell at shows, yelling and ragging on me while I’m in the warm-up ring. Talking to me like I’m a moron who has no business at the show. I realize “show nerves” strike people differently, but that was yet one more reason to ditch this broad. She wasn’t like that with TFO when she was warming up. Not a rude word spoken. Tone of voice very encouraging rather than “ragging.” Even other competitors would ask me why she was being such a bitch. I always said something about it being her true personality coming through. *Snerk*
Anyway, I haven’t noticed a lot of rude kids in the small corner of the dressage world that I occupy. Most of the kids are there with parents who tote water and wipe boots, with trainers (nice women all) walking around and making certain everything is moving along in a timely manner. Lots of support and applause and “Good job!”s being bandied about. A very nice group indeed.
When I show next time, I will do everything myself. I haven’t been to shows since leaving the cretin and her “Evil Twin, the Coach from Hell,” but today, I would not expect either of the ladies who teach me to be there as coaches. I can braid and tack up and warm up and ride in and salute, and there is always someone to read the test if I feel like I’m going to forget it.
Showing is supposed to be a fun experience. I plan to make it so when I venture out again.
We would be happy to have you as an Arab client!!! WE love your age group. The 40 and over crowd generally have a steady income, savings, and are unlikely to get out of it because they are off to college or found a boyfriend. We even have 55 and over classes at US Nationals. Plus, our shows are TONS of fun.
Hey the same topic has been shopwing for the last 3 days…If your taking a break good for you , I am just wondering whats going on , I look forward to reading your new blog entries …Its my morning coffee, and I miss it .
Yeah, I broke the blog. Or WordPress did. I upgraded to version 3.0 and my ability to post a new post has disappeared. I don’t have time to work on it right now, either. Sorry!
So I checked the Craigslist this morning for Wichita, Ks and found an ad for a free 10 YEAR OLD TB polo geld who had been kicked and was now not sound and of course is free to a good home. We all know how that’s going to turn out! Sometimes I hate people. It does say however that he’s able to be r
I don’t know what happened there. Anyway, it says that he is able to be lightly ridden if anyone’s interested.
OT, but something Joe at TB Friends wrote today made me think of FHOTD and the constant refrain of “I didn’t know it was starving” you hear from irresponsible adults:
From the feed lot in Wilton, a starving thoroughbred gelding came to us yesterday. Just a kid. A racing tattoo which says he is only 3. The gelding is in awful shape. Naturally he arrives the same time as a young visitor. 9 years old, and she did not accept his condition all that well. As the young visitor was crying, I told her to give the gelding a name. The visitor phoned last night, and said she would like to name him Hero. Well okay then. We now have a Hero living in our yard.
… a 9 year-old can recognize a starving horse and burst into tears. What hardening process must people go through to become unable…?
I had a student one time that had a really nice paint mare that was western pleasure bred. Her parents lucked out picking this one up at the Enumclaw Auction. I had broke the filly out at 3, she was broke to ride, sane, and pretty trusting, but definitely not finished. Of course, this was all her parents could afford to have done with the mare at the time. Then all of the sudden they want to show this horse.. IN A WEEK.. NO JOKE.
So I bring the filly to my place, and get to work. All I did was work on her jog. She already had an amazing stop. I hated doing it this way because I was missing so many steps with this filly, and she was not liking it. So I try to get their daughter “show ready” in just a couple of days. Which is pretty much impossible.
Both the daughter and I ride the horse at the show in walk/jog classes. She does great for me, keeps herself collected, and holds a nice jog. And does great for the girl, she didn’t spook, take off, or any thing of that nature.. But the girl was not ready to show, she just didn’t know enough. During every class she cut in front of at least one rider causing their horse to break a gate. I was humiliated. I mean the girl did great, for being stuffed with information in a short amount of time. But it just wasn’t fair for the horse, the girl, other riders, or myself. Then after the show her dad didn’t have a single good thing to say, no congratulations I hope you had fun, just you did this this and this wrong. Puts the daughter in tears, then leaves.
Then they decide they are joining 4H. And it will be her first year. So this mare has to be ridden in a shank. I was shocked, we never had this rule in 4H when I was a kid. I told them this mare was by no means ready to be in a shank. But they wanted it done anyways. So back to my place she comes. So here we go, skipping some more training steps. Basically it just didn’t work out, she wasn’t ready. So I got the guts and told them. And in the meantime the daughter was telling me that she didn’t want to do 4H. She just wanted to ride and have fun. And she felt bad because she knew the filly wasn’t ready. So I told her to talk to her mother, and mom freaked, of course. And that was the last time I dealt with these people. They wanted miracles in weeks.
I guess I have the opposite of the typical “show parents.” They have been more than supportive of my horse hobby, but never about showing, I think mostly because of the money.
They got me riding lessons when I was 7 from a friend of ours who had 3 horses and a little bit of land near our house in the suburbs. I thought my instructor hated me or something because while the other two girls always got to ride the nice, old, arabian gelding or the sweet, responsive, qh mare, I was always assigned this stubborn little shetland pony ironically named Sugar. I finally confided in my mother my suspicions that the instructor didn’t like me and my mother burst out laughing. My dad (not a horse person) had been worried about me falling off the bigger horses and had agreed to the lessons only on the condition that I only ride the pony. I think my mom talked to my dad and my instructor because after that, I got to ride the other two horses as well.
Years later, after more lessons and leasing a horse for a year, I bought the horse I have now from my trainer using my life savings and working at her barn for the summer. We did one show when she was about 3 and we did great for our age (I was 13) and experience level. It was so windy that hats were excused and the tent that the judges were under was just about to blow away. My mare barely batted an eyelash! It was a lot of fun to get all dressed up and meet other people from around the area. My parents didn’t come early in the morning, but met us there in time for my classes and were very proud of me. Now that both my mare and I are a little older, I hope to take her to some fun local shows this summer.
I guess being slightly oblivious horse show parents runs in our family. My aunt was a very good rider and when she was a teenager lived in Pennsylvania and rode Saddlebreds for a trainer there. When she was 16 years old, the day before the state championships, her trainer broke her leg and asked my aunt to ride her stallion for her in the show, thinking it would be a good experience for her and didn’t think she would place or anything since she was competing against the best in the state. Much to everyones surprise she won! My grandma (her mom) still tells this story to this day and always says she had no idea that her daughter was that good of a rider, haha.