Riding off into the sunset – bickering about shoeing all the way!
Oct 28 2009
“I’ve spent years trying to find someone who would be as interested in horses as me, now that I’ve found him, it seems like the only time we don’t fight is when we’re not around or discussing the horses!
 -I want my horse to have shelter available in the paddock during wet weather; he says they’re absolutely fine.
 -I think his barbed wire fencing is dangerous; he says I’m overprotective (and of course, nothing has happened yet)
 -He will not saddle a horse without picking hooves & brushing thoroughly; my “brushing†is running my hand on my horse’s back & under his belly to make sure no mud will be trapped by the saddle (I’ve become better about routine hoof picking though)
 -When we go out to play w/ the horses he feeds pockets of treats just because; I want my horse to earn a cookie, not associate my hand with food
 -I want to ride every single night AND hit the trails Sat & Sun; he’s happy with 1 or 2 rides a week tops
We disagree about everything from what/when to feed & how often to change the water trough to what bit to use & how to hold the reins. I realize how lucky I really am as most of my friends’ sig. others just aren’t that into the horsey thing & we simply adore each others’ horses. Anyone else have any stories like this?  Hopefully ones with happy endings… 
”
I think this is so true! All horsepeople dream of finding a partner who will share their passion (and therefore not bitch so much about the costs involved), but when we find him or her, invariably a power struggle takes place over whose horse care beliefs are correct. I admit I’ve bickered with guys over deworming, fencing, shoeing or lack thereof, wrapping legs, how to drive the trailer, feeding, supplementation, saddle fit, bits, and don’t even get me started on the slaughter issue (that one usually winds up at “we probably shouldn’t talk about this.”) At least in my own life, it usually shakes out that I get my own way but I have to do all the work and pay for all the extra expense associated with “doing it right” as I define it. Oh, and I do all the trailer driving…sorry but most of you guys corner way too fast to suit me!
(Pic at left from a very good article written by the formerly non-horsey hubby  - Married With Horses)
So two questions today:
1. If you have a horsey or semi-horsey SO, what do you guys bicker about with regard to riding and horse care? Have you found a way to compromise? What did each of you have to cave on, or did one of you just decide to give up and let the other make the horsey rules? Do you have a real “opposites attract” situation like you’re a dressage queen married to a guy who rodeos? Does your pasture and tack room look like they have multiple personalities because your tastes in horses are so different?Â
2. Are you part of a training couple, running a business together? How does that work? Have you had major disagreements over training philosophy, or have you found your perfect soulmate in life and horses? Or have you broken it down where one person makes the riding/care decisions and the other is the business person/manager? Do you compete against each other and if so, how do you keep that from being a source of conflict?
3. If you have a funny story about someone who claimed to be horsey to try to get you and so wasn’t, feel free to share!  Those are usually hysterical.
140 comments to “Riding off into the sunset – bickering about shoeing all the way!”
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horsey girl married a not-quite horsey guy who ended up being a large animal vet. We bicker about diagnoses and sometimes treatments, to which I usually cave to his education …but he usually caves to me and my horsey experience when it comes to training. It works for us. He’s super supportive and understands that even though we don’t currently own them, I occasionally need to breathe the same air as the ponies or I go bananas.
My husband is great (sorry) he loves horses but prefers to be on the ground, he goes to every show, brings the horses treats each night and always buys me the best horsey presents. He use to play polo but enjoys being on the ground more than riding now. And supports my rescue efforts, we just took in two TBs this week.
I am married to the most non-horsey man on this planet. He is a computer programmer! He knows I am more knowledgeable then he is about horses, so there is never an arguement. If I say we need four board fencing, he helps me build it. If I say we need to strip the run-in sheds, he grabs a pitchfork and helps me. He also does all of the evening feedings!
Since the horses I have are Welsh Ponies, he is not intimidated by them. (He even likes my new Warmblood mare that is here on a breeding lease.)
Why does he do all this? Here is the payoff for him. We get to and can afford to live out in the country. This is a slice of heaven to him. Because of the ponies, our place is zoned agricultural. Our taxes on the land are less then the 1/2 acre where our house sits (zoned resiential). We could never afford to live on this land if the whole place was taxed as residential property.
So, for us, it is a win-win! (And my geeky husband and I put together a nice website for the farm several years ago while splitting a case of beer!)
Hi jsomer… just wanted to let you know that the link on your name is incorrect: http://www.www,sommerponyfarm.com/
I’ve always ridden english. When I met my Sig Other of 20 years, his experience with horses was riding his buddy’s QHs western. Here in the Midwest, it’s rare to find a man riding english. With him not owning a horse, and me not having a western saddle, he began riding my and my friends’ horses with the english saddle. I told him he was a natural — no one had to show him how to post, he kept up with the bounciest TBred trot with ease. He decided he loved the faster moving, flashier non-QHs to what he’d known all his life.
We signed up for a riding vacation in Ireland and I told him he needed formal lessons. He rode the instructor’s 17 hand TBred, and after only a handful of lessons came home beaming — he’s so good he went out to the cross country field and was jumping!
Here’s the kicker — he bought a pair of breeches! Holy cow! And he’s not even embarrassed! Which brings us to another issue. There is a serious lack of, well, everything to outfit a guy in english attire! Not much in the typical Dover sale catalog. But I’m thrilled that he’s “come to the dark side”.
Thankfully my husband is semi-horsey and we have a “dont ask don’t tell” philosophy on the costs. He likes to ride one or two days a week and takes care of the horses on my school nights or if I have to work late, etc. and doesn’t complain. Does he do everything to my satisfaction? Not always, but he always calls if something isn’t right, he makes sure they are fed, watered, and their stalls are clean, and I feel as though he truly has their best interest at heart or he wouldn’t be out there without me. Quite frankly, I am appreciative of the effort he does put in and I equate it to the household chores; some things I have to go back and redo but choose not to complain. He just likes to trail ride and I am a more competitive show type person, but that’s okay. We’re both happy and the horses are happy.
I do have to say though, I did have a bought of sick horses over the summer and am still “digging out” from the vet bills. I was afraid to tell him how bad it really was but he didn’t have a fit when he found out and understood how important it was to get the level of vet care they received so they would get better as soon as possible. I am a very lucky person!
My hubby is not horsey at all- but I’m lucky, he’s very supportive of my hobby. He doesn’t complain at all about the cost. He helps me care for them, helps me build and maintain fences and a barn and spends hours upon hours mowing pastures for me. He agreed to buy land and move to the country, instead of getting a house on a golf course like he wanted. He loves the horses as pets, but has absolutely 0 interest in actually riding them. If I get sick he takes over their care entirely for me.
Oh and when I compete, he often goes along and drives the rig, he’s a super driver, very careful and considerate of the horses’ comfort. On our way home, I’m often exhausted and sleep while he drives! He even worked overtime this year to pay for me to attend 8 competitive trail rides and win a regional title!
All this from a man who is fiercely independant and is the type who you simply cannot possibly win an argument with, even when he knows he’s wrong! It sounds like he’s whipped but that’s as far from the situation as it gets- I couldn’t stand a guy who’d let me walk all over him! Hubby is supportive of anything I decide to do, and I support him likewise- I wish everyone could have such a great partner.
In a way I am kinda glad he doesn’t ride- we work together and spend almost all our free time together, so we need separate hobbies. I ride my horses and socialize with my horsey friends, he golfs and fishes with his friends. About the only horse-related argument we ever have is, we only have 1 truck, so if i want to haul a horse to go trail riding, and he wants to go fishing, one of us has to make alternative plans!
My friend Janis has a hubby who was not horsey at all but agreed to go riding on their first date because he was smitten with her and would do whatever she asked… turned out he enjoyed it and these days he rides with us all the time!
My boyfriend is a farrier and doesn’t ride anymore. He’s spending $1000 a month on feed and hay for the nine horses he has. (I have one horse, BTW). Getting him to shoe my horse or work on his own is like pulling teeth. He gets paid to shoe all day and the last thing he wants to do at night or on his day off is work on his own stuff. It’s just like the cobbler’s children. His horse’s feet look like crap ALOT! I always thought when living with a farrier I would never have worry about shoeing again. Yeah, right!! I’ve gotten so aggravated a few times I’ve called a member of the competion and paid them to work on my horse because it’s less trouble (at least until he realizes the shoes are reset and he didn’t do it). We have a big arguement about THAT! :p
Hubby is somewhat horse-y. He’s had a few bad experiences, though, so we’re working on it. He willingly helps feed, load/unload, and becomes the best “all-round equestrian slave” at events, though he’s been mostly on the ground in the last few years.
When it comes to “doing it right” – he bows to my 30+ years of experience and BS Degree in Equine Science. And he has no hesitation about hauling to or calling the vet if he can’t reach me quickly. (A definite plus in my book!)
My hubby was a country boy, but grew up on a diary farm, so therefore learned to associate large animals with hard work. His only horse experience was with the typical ‘terror” pony that parents buy their kids and let them get trampled and bitten. Pony got quickly sold. The best I can say is that he “allows” me to have my horses and enjoy them, but he only sees them as large creatures that eat and poop and cost alot. He does however like my mini horses as they are less likely to harm him. I do think that he resents them when money is tight and he’s not happy that they are a 24/7 commitment of my time. However, to help my cause, I do everything with them myself to keep costs down. I have become an expert on penny pinching, farrier, and most vet work, while still giving them the care they need. Still, at the end of the year when it’s tax time, he still sees the numbers that I can’t hide.
My husband is semi-horsey … but he’s allergic (wildly allergic!) to arena dust, so he rarely visits the barn anymore. We had an incident at the Arabian Nationals in Broadbent Arena where he actually had to go to the emergency room, which was super scary. So unless it’s outside, we don’t do horsey things together.
I do have a funny story, however.
When we were first dating, I had recently purchased a young green horse from a breeder I worked for. I had started this guy under saddle, and sad to say he was really kind of a nut case with spooking and so forth. He was an Arabian, natch. Sigh. Anyway, he really had come along and my eventually-to-be husband had told me many stories about how he had taken jumping lessons and stuff (sure…). So, I said go ahead and hop on and ride my young horse in the arena, he should be fine. He actually was, and did pretty well, until my EH decided to stop, drop the reins, and remove the visor from his helmet. This was a three year old gelding with maybe 90 days under saddle …not a trail plug … So far so good, horse is standing there.
Snap, snap, went the visor.
That gelding’s eyes got big as saucers, his head flew up, and taking off at a full gallop (did I mention he was quite athletic), started bucking like he had 8 seconds to live. Needless to say, my EH had no reins, and not that much ability, so went flying off immediately, dislocating his shoulder. Bad trainer? maybe … I felt terrible, but I was also secretly a little amused that anyone would drop the reins to do anything on a green horse, let alone make a scary noise above the horse’s head! And especially THIS horse, who was on a hair trigger all the time.
He was a pretty good sport about it then, and still is. Almost 20 years later he still supports my horse hobby and only bitches about the money occasionally, which I can live with. He’s not interested in blood lines, or horsey gossip, or any of the other horse crazy stuff I like, but that’s ok. When my rescue TB I just got was (and still is) biting everything in sight, he was supportive and thought he could get over it.
He just recently got into autocross racing, so I think the horseys are going to have some competition now, though. Apparently you need at least two sets of tires, helmets cost $400 (worth it), and the car has to be modified in expensive ways so it can go faster. If he gets a trailer for that car before I get my horse trailer…
Winter Care:
I monitor everything from water consumption, to checking to make sure the water tank heaters are working and not shocking our horses. I will stand in my bare feet in the snow and dunk my hand to make sure.
I make a hay cube mash twice a day with hot water and put 1/4 cup of corn oil on their feed to make sure nobody gets any winter impaction colic.
My husband refuses to help with this because he thinks I’m absolutely insane about this!!!
He always helps with them just refuses to do this.
(One year I trained all winter at a really awesome place, but they didn’t have heated water or regular turnout. There was 3 days of horrible snow storms, I couldn’t even go to work, let alone to the trainers, they didn’t watch my mare’s water consumption, and she colicked horribly. By the time the vet saw her, he asked me what I wanted to do with her body.)
So now I am paranoid.
Also I can’t stand his driving with the trailer. I started driving myself now.
Forgot to mention my mare did make it. She is now an awesome barrel horse, but I will never board somewhere in the winter again.
I once dated a guy who got incredibly jealous of my new horse because I spent nearly every weekend at the barn. We were bickering at a bar one night and he asked me, “If me and your horse were hanging of a cliff who would you save?” I just told him he didn’t want to know the answer to that question! Even if it means a lot of bickering over care, training, etc. I am still holding out for someone who won’t make me choose between him and the horse!
When I met my hubby he didn’t have too much interest in horses, he maybe only road a handful of times, so luckily he has learned everything he knows from me. I grew up with a strict riding instructor (my mother), and that strictness rubbed off on me, so he knows a lot and keeps me in check every once and a while. The squabbles typically come in situations where I have contradicted myself but fortuntly we mostly see eye to eye and he fully supports my horse obsession!
UrbanAmish – I ALWAYS hear that, that farriers are terrible about their own horses! Admittedly it’s an exhausting profession, but sheesh, if you’re that tired, have someone else do yours.
I understand.. my trouble is my husband is NOT horsey, but he has hung out with the breeder of my gelding long enough to THINK he’s horsey. So I have been riding my horse while my husband watches, and he will coach from the rail. For instance, I mounted up one day (horse was young then.. I think he’d just turned 4) and my horse took off down the long side of the arena, giving a buck about every 5 steps. So I can hear “John Lyons” my husband hollering “Don’t let him do that.. you’re ruining him!” Like I’m LETTING the horse do it.. I’m not even completely ON yet. LOL He’s also gone to horse shows in the past and told me what I did wrong.. or at least what HE thinks I’ve done wrong. We just built our barn, and he made comments all the way through about “Jerry doesn’t do it this way”.. After 15 years together I have learned to ignore him for the most part, it is usually a no-win situation if I let him get under my skin.
Luckily he doesn’t drive my trailer anywhere, he prefers to be the passenger. He does make noises every once in awhile that we are going too slow..
Mine ended in divorce, I’m afraid!
I taught my boyfriend (who became my husband) to ride, and in 3 months he knew everything there was to know about horses – sooooo much more than me (who, although not professing to know everything, I had owned horses since a child).
The marriage didn’t last very long.
I feel very lucky (so far!)- I’m not married yet but my soon-to-be-hubby was not a rider when we met but he was always interested in horses. In the nearly 4 years we’ve been together, I’ve been able to give him some lessons on other people’s horses (we dont’ have our own yet) and for the most part, he really enjoys it. Yes, his attention span at the barn is about done at 2 hours (max), but we have a mutual dream of owning our own little farm in a few years with just a few horses (not a big lesson/boarding barn or anything fancy). He’ll never be into showing, mucking stalls is just not his thing (though he’ll do it on occasion), but I’m thrilled to have a SO who will happily go on weekend trail rides with me (at least in the warmer seasons! lol) and the best part is he’s a blank slate so I get to train him myself which means my way will also be his way
Hehehe. I get my farm, my cowboy, and he gets to keep me from getting in over my head with too many horses lol
Well, I’m not married (yet!) but my boyfriend is a horse-lover. He took western lessons (I ride dressage) when he was younger, so he knows all the basics. The only thing we really fight over, is the fact that he wants to own a stallion when we get married. I’m sure it has something to do with the fact that he feels oh-so horrible for the “not a true male” horses. The funny part? When he and I first started dating I took him out to see my horse – who is a gelding. He took one look at Sir Charles (my affectionate name for him since he’s such a gentlemen) and said “THIS! Is the type of horse I want! See?! YOU even own a stallion! Why can’t I?!” and I just about burst out laughing hysterically. It took me a while to get him down on one knee so I could show him what male parts were missing. So, we still bicker occasionally about him wanting a stallion and me telling him the moment it touches foot on our property, it is going to get the knife treatment.
My ex-boyfriend was one of those guys who claimed he was a really great with horses.. So I took him out to see my horse! I gave him a hoof pick and said “Here. You know what to do with this, don’t you?” teasingly. I went around to the other side to start brushing off Charles. He must have stood there for five minutes trying to figure out what the heck he was supposed to do with that pick. When I saw that the hooves still hadn’t been picked out I started to question his knowledge of horses. His excuse? “Well, others have always done it for me. Once you see me in the saddle you’ll see.” and so I saddled up my horse, put my ex-boyfriend in the saddle, attached a lunge line and went to the arena to test out his knowledge. He puffed out his chest and tried to look like he knew what he was doing at the walk. He was pretty stable, so I asked Charles for a trot, in which case my ex(Tray) nearly fell off. He GRABBED my horse’s mouth to steady himself! My horse will tolerate a lot, especially on the lunge line. But he wasn’t going to tolerate his mouth being yanked off by a 180+lb man with strong arm muscles. One nice little buck and Tray was off. I laughed for the longest time and Tray had the reddest face ever. He tried to make up so many excuses as to why he couldn’t even trot.. Out of shape, haven’t ridden in YEARS(!!), my horse has a “funny” gait (in my experience, my horse has one of the smoothest trots for a thoroughbred!), that I TOLD my horse to buck him off right when he was getting his balance back, that I startled him (Tray) with the trotting when he was expecting to walk a little longer… The list goes on! I broke up with him two days latter.. He was suddenly telling me how horse back riding is stupid, and how I should give it up and learn to be a soft-spoken, delicate “woman”. That I would look pretty if I didn’t have such strong muscles.. Basically he was looking for a woman who wouldn’t want to do anything unless he said to do it.
I wished him luck with that and went on my way.
I have a non-horsey husband and he is a *saint* about the whole endeavor. He comes to my shows, helps with trailering, and takes photos and videos whenever I ask. Also helps with expenses.
The nicest thing about him is that I can hand off my horse to him anytime, and she loves him. He is a very calming influence on all “high-strung” creatures… horses, cats, um, wives, you name it.
I think I am lucky in that I found a guy who had no prior knowledge about horses, but was interested in learning. So I’ve been teaching him everything I know. At first I didn’t think he was interested until he started showing that he was actually paying attention when I went off nattering about horses. He’s already decided what type of horse he wants when we can get him a horse and because I am teaching him everything I know about horses we have no conflicts about horse care.
Fortunately, my husband of 30+ years and I pretty much agree on horse care. We sold our horses years ago, but now our youngest daughter and her husband have moved next door to us, so they can have horses. THEY are the ones we disagree with.
WE think horses should be fed on a reasonably regular schedule. (If they normally get fed at 6 and you are tied up until 6:30 – they’ll survive)
THEY think you feed animals when and if you feel like it.
WE think horses should receive discipline and affection.
THEY think horses should be allowed to do whatever – including kicking and running you over.
WE think that just because you have a registered stallion, you will not receive astronomical breeding fees – no matter how well bred the stallion is, if he’s fugly, he’s worthless for breeding and needs to be gelded.
THEY think they are going to make a mint breeding there registered fugly stallion.
WE think that it’s okay to leave a mare open if she’s not suitable for breeding. She can still be ridden.
THEY think that breeding fugly mares to fugly stallions will result in beautiful babies for their children to start riding the minute the babies turn ONE YEAR OLD!!!
Shall I go on? Somehow, I don’t think we’ll ever see eye to eye on horse care. The sad thing is, the daughter was raised to take care of animals our way – but her hubby seems to have caused her to unlearn everything we’ve taught her… :0(
OFF TOPIC
These horses could use an upgrade!! Located in IA
This is cross posted from Midwest Telnet
“I have a good frined that contacted me today about these horses. We are both full with horses and thought I’d post what they are here. I don’t know alot about these guy’s ,but if your VERY SERIOUS about them can get you the contact info. you need. I’ll be getting pix from my friend on Thursday. They are : 1 -7 yr old morgan gelding, 1 saddlebred gelding, and 2 saddlbred mares, 1 is bred. They are all papered show horses. Morgan and 1 ASB may have been placed, by this time.
AKC Reg.Eng.Bulldog
Breeding for Champions
“I farm,You Eat”
E-Mail: humbug@iowatelecom.net
http://www.mossyoaklonghorns.webs.com
Cell:319-310-5684″
My first husband hated everything about horses. In 20 years of marriage the only thing I ever bought for the horses that he approved of was fly masks. He thought they were the best invention ever.
My second husband is nearly perfect. He loves horses, actually rides them, and looks awesome in tights! He does endurance with me when we can afford it, and trail rides when we can’t. He can fix anything I break, and if I show him an awesome horse on craigslist or dreamhorse, the first words out of his mouth are “So, when are you going to pick her up?”
We have six horses in the pasture, and that’s enough. I am lucky enough to be able to stay at home, so daily training, care, and riding are my job. But if I say I need help fixing fence, or that we need a horse shelter, or the trailer needs work, he gets right on it.
And if we ever win the lottery, the first thing he says he’s gonna do is buy me a new f-350 and a new trailer.
See, he’s perfect!
And here is one I am personally involved with.
http://madison.craigslist.org/grd/1438449092.html
I took pics today of her:
http://s119.photobucket.com/albums/o122/Wnnahrse/
She is underweight, kept in a tie stall, at a Premiere horse facility and equine embryo transfer program…
5 yrs old and they have tried 2 times to transfer an embryo into her since she was 3….
You can contact me if interested in her!!
Carol
wnnahrse35@hotmail.com
I’m lucky that my guy is horsey enough to want to ride, but new enough that everything I say is “right”.
However, we do bicker over other interests we share, like dogs, running, camping, etc. It’s all just a power struggle, and we just have to step back and say “ok, you do it your way, I do it my way” and I just have to learn to let it go… Although if I’m really stuck on an issue, i look online and find data to back up my side of the argument 
When I met my husband he was luke-warm on horses — having had bad experiences. However, he loves animals in general, and could fence and give shots — so I knew we were fated. We’ve been married 20+ years now, and although he occasionally complains about expenses — and all the fencing, horse-shelter building and darn hard work. He is stellar. He rides with me. Has built up two horse-farms from nothing (doing all the work himself with a little help from me and the kids).
I was careful because I’ve heard all the stories. The woman whose soon-to-be ex husband parked his car behind her horse-trailer so she couldn’t go to drill team practice. The husband who sold his wife’s horses without telling her when she was away on a trip. Two ex-husbands who managed to get custody of their wives horses — even though they don’t like horses at all.
Took a date to see my horse once. My gelding “relaxed” in front of him. My date’s eyes got big, he made an uncomfortable, off-color joke. End of date, end of all future dates with him.
I quit dating a long time ago, so that’s the only really funny story.
http://www.theonion.com/content/video/man_who_crossed_nation_in_balloon This joke so represents the reality, and they don’t even know it (people choosing ignorance)
I have a SO who got into horses because of me…talk about me being paranoid because he is very intelligent and when he wants to know something, it’s like 200+ questions and he won’t take an “I don’t know” for an answer. Anyway, he is involved with Paso Finos while I ride QTRs. I show Foundations shows, he puts on performances like parades or Equifests.
We both have learned from each other…he is more patient with horses and I have learned that from him. We have a saying…My horse, my way. My barn, my way (the way his tack/hay/aisle looks drives me nuts…his barn, his way. Same thing with the hay barn….he was fanatical about turning the hay bales over so there would be no bottom waste…me, I expect to have some loss on the bottom…his hay, his way. I just can’t wait until the day I have my own barn….LOL
We both drive but it depends on who’s horses are in the trailer….He is supportive of my shows and if he can attend, he will…and vice versa for his performances.
We both have separate incomes so neither one sees what the other spends….
Oh, one more thing….he knew where he stood when we first started dating…horses/cats/BF. It’s a toss-up where he stands now…he’s a keeper!
My first husband was a trainer and the reason we got together is that our training techniques were a lot alike. We formed a partnership in that I would start the youngsters, ground drive them and hook them to drive and drive them during their 2 to 3 year old years. Then he would take over and start riding them as coming 4 year olds. I also rode a lot, but left most of the saddle training to him.
Since we both trained in the same manner, it was no big deal to switch horses and sometimes he would drive and I would ride the youngsters. It’s when we decided to get out of horses for a bit that we ended up getting divorced.
My husband now also rides, but he follows directions real well. He had a horse as a teenager and worked on a cattle ranch. He sold his horse when he was in his early 20′s and hadn’t ridden again until he met me. We are both in our 50′s and he is a good rider, just not real knowledgeable in how to train a horse. So he leaves all that up to me. Once they are trained, he has no problem enjoying them and riding the trails with me.
RanchWife
I married a non-horsey guy and now he is a semi-horsey guy. When I got with my DH almost 6 years ago he had only ever been on a horse maybe twice. I was raised around horses and can’t imagine my life without them. He does squirm over the money aspect of the horses a bit, especially when I tell him that I need to put out another round bale because my 4 horses and donkey tore through the last one in less than a week.
After the purchase of a few horses that were suppose to have fabulous training(some did ride good, but had horrible ground manners or other issues) my husband has come to appreciate the one horse we have that I raised from weaning and have done all the ground work and training on. He understands now that the wait for that weanling to come to riding age was worth it since now we have a well trained horse on the ground AND in the saddle.
We use to argue a bit over buying a weanling vs. buying a green or already trained horse. He’s come around though to see my side of things
I am lucky that the most we bicker about now is how FAT my horses are or if I really need an umpteenth dilly-dad or something other. He doesn’t bud into the vet care or feeding of the horses. And he’s a great book keeper and tries to help me keep in budget.
Bless his heart though that he does try so hard to get involved more with horses that he’ll try to help with green breaking. Which is nice because he takes knocks and hits better than me. Only complaints would be that our relationship would be made if a.) he would not get so frustrated with the horses during training OR b.) if there was some way he wouldn’t get so butt-hurt when I show him that horses listen better with patience and staying calm rather than yelling at the horse what a POS it is.
my husband is a good man but hates my two favorite horses with a passion. the first one is my first horse a arab who i adore. we were dating at the time and he forbid me to have a horse he said in a couple of years maybe well we were dating and its my money!.so i avoided a argument and bought a 5mo colt so techincally hes not a “horse” untill hes three so there! the horse and my husband HATE eachother. i have seen that arab do things to make my husband fly such as his stop and take a step sideways trick from a fast canter. my husband has two fused vertabre in his back from the time he got thrown into the round pen.to this day 10years later if he can mess with my husband he will he looks for every chance to do so. the other is a rescue i got as a 3mo old he only hates that one because of the amount of money i have in him. my husband doesent really hate them as much as he makes everyone belive how could someone who claims to hate them so much sit there when no one is looking and scratch them and give them treats?.and he has his own horse a big dopey belgian draft. and as far as bills go its been tough with both of us loosing our jobs thanks to this economy and to make things better our home burned down with no insurance so we had to find a place to rent that would allow our horses and he had to build stalls and everything. he gets mad about the cost but he calms down after awhile and i am good at penny pinching!.plus i keep money on the side for emergency vet bills,hay etc.and he finally understands why its better to buy the better feed rather then the cheapest stuff available in the end it cost less!. seriously he has kept track for the past ten years of every penny spent on that arabian horse from vet bills to board to the money i spend on fly spray and shampoo for him and that always comes up in a bad argument!
haha! I have a friend who rides every day. She has one horse and on our weekly trail rides she sometimes mentions how she really wants to get a horse for her husband Jim. “I know if he came out her with us he would have a blast.” I always say “Don’t get him a horse. I don’t feel like listing to your husband verbally abuse you on my trail rides…”
Just find a man who is OK with you spending a mint on horses. Not one that acutally has an opinion for gosh sakes!
My spouse-like unit is the most un-horsey person on the planet. I really should have known better when his father went on and on about “hay burners”. The stupid, illiterate old bastard had gone in on an “investment scheme” where they bought a riding stable and all the land anticipating a government expropriation for a new highway, and subsequent big bucks. Well guess what? The highway went 20K south and so did stupid, illiterate old bastard’s money. Running the riding stable didn’t turn out to profitable – duh – when the stupid, illiterate old bastard and his business partners had not a clue what they were doing and lost their shirts. His stupid, illiterate old bastardly bitterness remained until his death, despite it was his decision in the first place.
My spouse-like unit has not an original thought process in his mind after being brainwashed all those years by stupid, illiterate parents. He is a Calvinist at heart, and instead of flagellating himself, he flagellates me by not only NOT being supportive, but actively not supporting my passion on the basis that it’s too expensive and an unnecessary luxury.
Why am I with the redundant, Calvinist, dream-crushing lump? Well, if my horse hadn’t died 6 months after we met I doubt we’d be together. In fact, I have made it clear that his non-support that it’s going to be a relationship deal breaker. He doesn’t work, hasn’t for 6 years, and is making no attempt to find work (which makes his complaints about money drive me to near hysteria). We have a 7 yr old and I’ve learned from consulting a lawyer that I would have to support HIM and probably lose custody of my child because HE has been the primary caregiver.
We reap what we sow. Sigh…
I am blessed that I have a very kind friend who invites me to her place on the weekends so I can get a small horsey fix.
I dont even know where to begin on this topic.I was married before to a non horsey husband… I saved a Quarterhorse that the 2 of us bickered over for a few years, . My husband not knowing a thing about horses suddenly knew everything about horses. I taught him a lot, although he would never admit it. Long story short…He fell in love with the 22 year old horse I RESCUED , and now THEY are living happily together. I got the boot. they have a sick and twisted relationship that is awsome for the old gal Raven, so I am glad for her. Now I am re married to a man living in the Swiss Alps , he came with a 30 year old Donkey that lived with pigs down the road, because my husband didnt want to take care of him anymore. Willy is back home with us , along with 3 more rescued miniature shetlands, and I am still bickering about blankets that have to be imported from the US, and custom made ear warmers for Willy, and dental care for Willy. “Its always about those horses”or “you love those horses more then me” comes out of his mouth everyday . Seriously , Americans can be “extream” I am one of them when it comes to my animals… I had to learn to take it down a notch and not panic, or freak out when something minor happend… It feels good not to worry,or panic like I use to, so this time i had to make some changes in myself about my extream, neurotic care , and in return my husband lets me call the shots on the horse kids.
I dated a guy who claimed he’d grown up riding horses his whole life and really talked himself up. When I finally took him riding he jumped on my horse, holding the reins upside down, with his stirrups 5 notches too short, kicked him as hard as he could and proceeded to cowboy him around a large pasture as fast as he could while paying not attention whatsoever to leads and turning my horse in sharp and tiny little circles on the incorrect lead, in the mud. I was more furious than I’d ever been in my life.
My current boyfriend of 3 years has no horse experience whatsoever, and I actually like it that way. He will hop on and come on a trail ride with me and is always asking how to do things “right”. He’s got a very natural seat and is very concerned with doing things so as not to confuse Yuma or upset him. When Yuma doesn’t do exactly what he had in mind, he stops and asks me “what did I do wrong?” He’s very supportive, and comes to every single show to help lug water buckets and basically act as ‘show mom.” He’s learning as he goes, and it’s easier to teach him my way than to argue with someone who has differing opinions from me or just doesn’t know jack.
The only time a guy tried to impress me with horsey-ness was when I was a teenager and I was telling him about the school I went to and how it was so great because it had an equestrian facility.
He said, “Oh yeah? I ride horses too. Actually, next year I’m going to the same school!”
It was an all-girls school. LOL. I didn’t say anything but I was thinking, “really? you’re going to get a sex change?”
My SO has basically zero interest in horses. I managed to get him on the back of my horse once, and only because I accused him of being chicken. I know he is sucking up to me if he offers to come to the barn to take some pictures or video. But he seems to understand that’s it’s important to me and so he encourages me.
my current boyfriend has no interest in horses, but he used to ride with his ex girlfriend. the only horsey person i can see being married to is shawn flarida. LOL!
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jsommer says:
October 28, 2009 at 6:53 am
I am married to the most non-horsey man on this planet. He is a computer programmer!
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LOL, I am a software engineer and a horse person! Its a great way to pay for all those horsey bills!
But… I’ve had a number of of relationships end because my horse lifestyle are “too much effort”. If thats the way they felt, good riddance. Still, I am quite jealous of the success stories.
Married 30+ yrs to a non-horsey, car oriented man. For years I supported the auto racing habit and he supported (from afar) my horse habit. He has built me a farm – house, barn all of it, on more than one occasion. Our last 4 moves were because of my need/desire/want (?) to have the ponies at home. For the past 10 years or so, he has been my riding partner. My showing days are over and he loves to camp! He found a wonderful LQ trailer and is always the first to suggest a weekend or week long camping trip with the horses and dogs.
When we relocated several states for my job, he never questioned taking the horses and was fully on board with my idea to transport them ourselves – I just have heard too many bad shipping stories. We had every intention of boarding when we relocated, but he was the one after year of that to find another small farm so we could bring them home. He likes nothing better than coming home from work to sit on the deck and watch the boys graze. He never questions my knowledge, but has; on several occasions, kept me from spending $$ foolishly or from taking in every animal that I see. Always willing to help out, can build anything we need and loves the fur kids as much as I do.
I think this is the perfect way to ride off into the sunset.
jsommer — I don’t know, I think my husband is even less horsey than yours. He hates the idea of living in the country, so horse property in the city (with its huge price tag) is the only way he’ll ever settle for living with horses. And building fences? No way — it’s like pulling teeth just to get him to go to the barn with me to put a blanket on. The entire time he keeps his hands shoved into his pockets (as if horsemanship is contagious) and if something happens to scare my horse, it’s often a contest to see which one of them spooks worse. I learned long ago that I can’t worm my horse if my husband is around, because they feed off of one another’s nervous energy…
And this is a guy whose entire family has horses. If we haven’t made him more horsey by now, I don’t think there is any hope for him!
I forgot to add, I do everything myself with the horses. Go to shows, feedings, water trimming because I couldnt find a decent Farrier in the Swiss Alps. I also have to pay for everything out of my paycheck. I run my new husbands hotel with him, so I work a 15 hour day on top of this .. And get this..everything I do is in another language. I had to learn a freaking other language . Try driving to Italy alone with a trailer and doing a horse show in a language you dont understand , and without friends to talk to , or with limited conversation… now thats hard.
I married a Non-Horsey man too. But I couldn’t have chosen a better one. He was never around horses until he married me. He leaves all decisions to me when it comes to the horses, but he’s always there to help with the hard stuff, bailing hay, vet and farrier visits, building fence etc.. Last year He just finished building me a new 2 stall barn for my two horses. Well, I go to an auction and call to tell him I just purchased a third one, so what does he do? Adds on another stall. The year before that, we purchased a trailer with unfinished living quarters, he built the living quarters for me. I love that man! I think he likes being in the horse world, because He’s really into the trucks. He felt we needed a one ton Dually instead of the HD 3/4 ton truck. So we got the 1 ton, well, now that we have the Living quarter trailer we had to have a 1 ton Diesel. He goes with me to everything from 4H shows with our girls, to NBHA shows, to trail riding to camping. He will even ride with me when I don’t have someone to ride with. Oh, we have are arguments, everyone does, just not usually horsey stuff. I remember when our girls were little, and I belonged to a group called the Ohio Horseman’s council. The group would go on hosted trail rides every month, and afterwards have a carry in dinner. He would always surprise me somewhere along the trail, just sitting there with the girls just to wave hi as we rode by. We will be celebrating our 25th next year, and I hope many more to come.
A friend of mine had a conversation with her (now ex-) boyfriend.
He said, “You will always love that horse more than you love me!”
She said, “Yeah….and…?” He broke up with her about a week later.
She told me the story about what he’d said, and I said, “Yeah…..and….?” She laughed.
I told the story about what he’d said to my (new-at-the-time) boyfriend, and he said, “Yeah….and….?”
Ten years later, he and I are still together!
Hey there! This is just a note to you not really a comment. I didn’t notice any posts from you about the unwanted horse survey results. Was wondering what your take on it was. We posted it on our blog and started a hay bank (3 tons donated already-sweet) and are gearing up for what might get ugly around here becaue the last local horse auction closed. 50-100 extra horses a month for the area to absorb -ouch
http://thebackinthesaddleproject.blogspot.com/2009/10/unwanted-horse-problem-is-there-horse.html
Let me know what you think I would appreciate any feedback.
As always awesome posts you rock!
My darling dearest love of my life also loves horses. He was actually one of those guys in the uniforms and shiny helmets with the red and white tails out the top you see in the awards presentations at Spruce Meadows international events. Sadly, they really can’t ride. I think he fell equally in love with my 16.2 hh warmblood as he did with me. He got the bug to show (my horse) so I bought him his own, a great NSH gelding, two regional top 5 titles, great deal and nice kid. He’s only 15.1 hh. He rode his horse for about 2 weeks this year, took him to a show, placed last in all his classes (but did bring home a ribbon) and hasn’t touched his horse since.
Although he tells me he loves horses, he wants to learn dressage (which is my speciality) I most often can’t get him out of the house to even PET his horse! I’m really stuck for a situation to this. My big boy is great, but isn’t a HUGE fan of my husband riding him, and he’s for sale. We show arabs together, obviously the warmblood can’t show there… we have a 6 month old daughter, but I’m stuck with her most of the time.
The biggest thing we’ve come to agree upon is that I cannot teach him. I’ve got lots of students who do very well, but the fact that we’re married has definitely hindered that kind of relationship. I have NO problem getting him training with someone else, but it seems like the task of WORKING on riding has become seriously distasteful.
Maybe he really is one of those guys who just said he liked horses for the sake of getting to the girl. Or, he just wants the big horse. lol I bet if I got him a clydesdale, he’d be into that… He likes to drive a tank afterall.
I haven’t been reading the blog as often lately because of a couple of things. One, the new blog loads incredibly slow; Two, the comments no longer feed to my email, or I am not aware that this choice is available. If these two things could be solved, I would be back in the saddle with FHOTD.
As for SO’s, mine and I continually disagree on the whats, whens, hows and how muches of our horse care. He loves them, he takes great care of them, he works hard to cut, bale and put up their hay.
I guess I would rather have my hubby care too much, than not enough. I would also rather have him debate with me, than for me to overlook something.
Day to day management of them is my chore, but when decisions on out of the ordinary stuff need to be made, then it is discussed between us, sometimes heatedly. He hates barb wire for horses, but it is a must for the cattle; He hates and is allergic to grass, but puts up excellent timothy and even helps stack it in the barn; He rides a bratty, unruly horse, but leaves the other horses training up to me; He loves to give scratchings and has learned to do it only when they are not being worked with; He hates cleaning the stalls, but will do it if I am out of town (not my way, but at least they are clean); He helps with the breeding, foaling, doctoring, training (when needed) and keeps my rig running properly. So all in all, I really do not have anything to complain about!
Carrie Giannandrea
Dances with Horses
Formula One Farms
I married a fellow horse-lover; actually met him through a friend who boarded with him. We both pitch in and do it all. I’m more anal about letting the waters get low and then cleaning them out, and he takes care of ordering, setting up delivery, etc., for all the hay, plus keeps the grain stocked. I keep the stalls cleaned, and he keeps the shoer on schedule. We both ride Western, trails and camping mostly. Neither one of us are picky when it comes to grooming, although when his horses’ dreads get too bad, I’m the one who painstakingly picks through and drenches with show-sheen. Whoever’s home when the temp gets into single digits and the wind picks up will do a check to see if anyone needs a blanket, plus swaps out the tank heaters. If a large vet bill is looming we’ll talk about it before committing (older horse with Cushings…quality of life stuff), and make a decision that works for both of us, and the finances.
He’s a treat-giver, I’m not. He hand-grazes, I don’t. I think he rides with too much contact at times, he thinks my horses have no respect. His horses crap in the stall in the winter, mine might as well be a beaver when it comes to the stall dividers.
Wow, in re-reading that, we’re pretty 50/50 when it comes to chores and such. We do things differently, but different isn’t always wrong (took me a LONG time to let that one sink in!).
I met my non-horsey husband just as I was selling my horse. I was a single parent, full time job, kid in scouts, going to school part time – you get the picture. Anyhow, I told him the horselessness was a temporary thing. He had ridden with his rancher friends and had done some hunting horseback, and had dated a woman with horses once or twice, but not what I would call a horsman. We married a year later. My hubby is an avid hunter, and for the first 6 years of our marriage he would go off once or twice a year on very expensive Alaskan hunting trips. I would always remind him that at some point it would be my turn. Two years ago we bought a 200 acre farm, and I bought a horse. Now I have 4, two of which, are his. We do not argue over much when it comes to the horses, because he knows that he does not have nearly the experience that I do. He has taken well to taking care of them exactly as I ask, although sometimes he thinks I am overprotective and a total worry wart – I am a recent empty nester – although I would be a worry wart even if my son was still at home
He does not say a thing about the cost. He cleans stalls without a word. He is learning to haul a trailer the way I want it done. Where the horses are concerned, he does what I ask him to do without complaint. He is also really handy because he used to be a paramedic and has a degree in wildlife biology. He is not squeemish about anything so he can give shots or treat wounds. He is as excited about them as I am. He is coming around. He is also a geat photographer and is constantly taking pictures of them!
We just bought a weanling and he had never been handled and had been out on pasture when we went to pick him up. He was a wild little thing, we had to rope him to halter him, and it took three of us to load him for the ride home. He had never been wormed and was pretty scrappy looking. I wormed him and started gentling him and teaching him to lead, then 2 days later I had to leave on a two week business trip. He called me concerned because he didn’t think the little guy was picking up fast enough and wanted to know if there was something else we should do because it is starting to get cold and he doesn’t think he has enough winter coat to stay warm. I thought it was very cute. From the man who always knew he never wanted kids (had the Big V at 25) and not exactly what I would call a nurturing man, but sure concerned about his new little baby horse. Also, in two weeks, he can now walk up to that baby in a 15 acre pasture and catch him and pet on him, halter him and lead him to the barn – far cry from the wild little guy we bought, and he did it all by himself
>>The only time a guy tried to impress me with horsey-ness was when I was a teenager and I was telling him about the school I went to and how it was so great because it had an equestrian facility.
He said, “Oh yeah? I ride horses too. Actually, next year I’m going to the same school!â€
It was an all-girls school. LOL. I didn’t say anything but I was thinking, “really? you’re going to get a sex change?â€< <
ROTFL! That’s a great one!
Ok this is my first time posting but the topic really applies.
I just got married back in June to the cowboy of my dreams and he is actually really in to horses and good with them. But we only hit major problems when it comes to how we want our horses trained. To him, his horse is his working partner. Sure he loves him and will love on him a bit but not at all like I do mine. If he shows up to see his horse it is to do some work.
I, on the other hand, want a real personal relationship with my horse. I love to just brush him and scratch him and just read a book out in the pasture. I think that my hubby is to hard in his disciplinary measures sometimes. He is definitely not hurting the horse but I get all uptight if I think he is being to hard on my horse. One time I just told him to get off. My horse deserved the spanking but I would rather be the one giving it.
He also has a different way of riding then I do. I started out riding English and he never has…..so yeah we have differing view points on leg and hand and body positions. My horses in the past were all in barns of one sort or another and his are pasture raised. That’s taking some getting used to for me.
Oh and one last thing. Since when did a person own a color. I just got a bay and I wanted to use hunter green or red on him. My hubby said “I already have green so you need another color”. What??? I will buy whatever I darn well please….I did got with Red but only because he looks better in it.
We have just decided to let each other be. He has his horse and I have mine and we like the relationships we have with each and the way we do things. It works for us, so I guess I got lucky.
Grace
God I’m so fortunate. My SO and I are so horsey compatible. We ride and train in very similar ways; we are always open to each other’s comments and training suggestions. We both like the same trainers and vets.
And when you have 5 rescued horses all with there own issues and training needs; it could have been such a train wreck. I am also very grateful to find a wonderful woman who will put up with the 5 crazy rescues.
She’s a wonderful person; I don’t think I could deal with a DQ. Just like everything else in dating, it’s just one more thing everyone should look into before becoming supper serious.
My husband is not “horsey” at all. When we met I had two horses. Before we moved in together we worked out a budget that included the horse expenses (I boarded). Yeah, it didn’t take long before the bitching started. First he bitched about the time I spent at the stable, then about the expense (even though I worked full time, and like I said we included the horse expenses in the budget).
So, one evening we were watching bullriding on TV and two of the pickup horses were paints that looked as identical as paints could look. My husband started going on and on about how cool it would be if we had matching horses (yeah, he’s weird like that). What surprised me is that I felt panicked the more he talked about it, because I should have been encouraging it, right? If he was involved with the horses he wouldn’t be bitching so much. Plus, I knew he wouldn’t be interested in grooming, etc. so I would get to do all that. At first I thought the panic was because he would pressure me to sell my horse (she was a varnish roan appaloosa, so wouldn’t be hard to match, but was probably not flashy enough for him) but, after analyzing my feelings I realized I didn’t really want him involved with horses. The horses were MINE, and it was MY thing! The only time I didn’t feel stressed (from work, family, or him) was when I was at the stable. I’m selfish.
I am seriously envious of the people that have SOs that are willing to support (epecially financially) their horses without bitching, but don’t want to be involved
On the off chance that anyone’s interested, my other horse was a scrawny, 3 yr. old Arabian, and was nowhere near ready to be ridden, so wasn’t really relevent to the situation.
My boyfriend is non-horsey, but he doesn’t really know how inept he is. He worked as a horse guide at a Boy Scout Ranch a few summers ago *shudder* and that is his experience with horses. He “fed” them (lord only knows what a Boy Scout ranch thinks is acceptable, I know at the Girl Scout Ranch I worked at as a kid it was one 20 acre pasture only for 42 horses, 1 scoop grain twice a day only on weekends to the horses that were being ridden), he saddled them, he thought other kids to keep their heels down, back straight, pull the horse’s reins one way to make them go left and the other to make them go right, pull back to stop, kick to go, kick harder to go faster – you know, horse stuff. Right?
He at least admits that my way is probably the best way and he bows down to my superior knowledge on the subject – for the most part. I had him ride my very well broke (very stubborn, dead lazy) western pleasure gelding, and he did pretty good on him. To a degree. He couldn’t seem to figure out that if you give leg pressure you don’t need to use the reins to make my horse turn. And that you only need a little bit of pressure with the other leg to keep him on a rail but if you only squeeze with one leg Hotshot thinks you want him to lope.
Afterwards boyfriend said if he ever got a horse he wanted a “well broke” horse like what they had at the Boy Scout Ranch. You know, one of those oh so wonderfully trained horses that doesn’t know any leg cues that us horse people spend our entire riding careers looking for? *smacks forehead* At least if I ever have to buy him a horse it won’t be an expensive one because of that.
I always say our differences in horses in like our differences in cars; he can drive stick and I can’t – but I can least drive. I can show horses and he can’t – but he can at least stay on a horse and make it go.
My husband grew up in LA and while he is an excellent “dad” to our two dogs, he knows absolutely nothing about horses–he rode rental horses in Griffith Park once or twice as a kid, but that’s all. Recently one morning, he went with me to my lesson to play with his new camera. DH instantly became BFFs with the barn cat, and took some very cute photos of him, but was wary of the horses. It was kind of funny–husband followed me everywhere I went, stared at all the stuff in the tack room, and stood right next to my lesson horse so he could watch me groom him and tack up. He wouldn’t pet him or feed him carrots, though–just observed closely.
As the 3 of us walked to Hollywood’s pen after the lesson to put him away, DH saw all the horses munching their breakfast hay, and asked me, “Do horses ever eat meat?” After I thought about it, kind of a scary idea!
Great thing about my non-horsey husband: He does love the animals and I have successfully trained him to do everything my way. No arguments.
Bad thing about non-horsey husband: Horses don’t respect him. It was okay when we had my 33-year-old gelding and a 20-year-old cushingoid, foundered mare, but now that we have young ones, he gets chewed on and shoved around. He’s too laid back, and doesn’t react when they do something bad. So I’m realizing I also need to train him on more things than mucking and groooming — like handling and how to do some ground work with the horses. Sigh.
i met my non horsey SO three years ago at a party held by some very non horsey friends. For about three months while we were casually dating he always asked me where i would disapear (sp) too every day between 4pm and 6pm. For a while i would just respond that i was helping a sick friend…. im not ashamed to be horsey or own horses, just my runs in with non horsey people have been spectacular! Well one day my car broke down and he was the only person around and i had to go feed my horses, so the reckoning happened. He took me to see the horses. His face when he met my three was hilarious, here he was a 6ft 2 human being almost dwarfed by my my minimum 16.2hh horses. I watched my mare to see what she thought as i have always found horses to be excellent judges of characters. She loved him! so sealed the deal.
After that he always took me to the horses, and for a while i thought he was just trying to fit in more with my life, as i had told him that if anyone gave me the ultimatum of my horses or them, i knew who would be walking away while i hugged my equine pals. Then he asked to ride one. After that horse bolted with him i thought it was all over…but no he promptly signed up for lessons and 8 months later we brought him a horse. He has revelled in becoming a horsey SO, and loves any information he picks up, hes also training to become a farrier so that the horses dont have to wait for trims, he can just do them when required!
My hubbs is a “kinda into horses” kinda guy! We actually had a horse for him for awhile but due to back problems he can no longer ride. He is very confident around horses. He can be firm but gentle with them. He honestly has a way with animals! He has certainly taught me alot. He encourages me and is supportive in my lessons until I get my next horse. He will go with me to any horse event I want to go to. He surpised me one year for out anniversary by taking me to Kentucky Horse Park. Oh and he doesn’t mind the fact that the house has a ton of horsey decorations.
My husband and I both grew up in the city but I was born horse crazy, which he was fully aware of when he married me. We continued to live a horseless lifestyle for the first 12 years of our marriage until he was offered a job transfer from So. Calif to Central GA. Immediately I knew what that meant! We could afford enough land to keep horses!!! My husband was fine with it and by the end of the first year we had horses which needed a fence, then a barn which he built to my specifications (even if he didn’t agree with them). He thinks I’m paranoid when it comes to building a safe barn. But I listened when people told stories about barn accidents and I built my barn in such a way as to avoid as many of those accidents as I could. When I recently brought home a pony unexpectedly he calmly (and I think in a resigned manner) asked me what he need to build for it! If he knows I’ll be coming home late or if I’m out of town he vonluntarily feeds them and cleans stalls for me. He doesn’t ride much but he will drive my donkey so If I want to take him on a trail ride with me I have to hitch the donkey. He refuses to learn how to either hitch up the cart or saddle a horse. He maintains my truck and trailer and he will haul hay, tote feed and shavings and mow pastures without complaint.
It has been a long time since he asked how much something horse related costs. For our 25th wedding anniversary he gave me a lovely sapphire and diamond bracelet which I never wear. I’m just not a jewelry type of girl, when he asked why I don’t wear it I told him I’m afraid to ruin it and he would have done better to buy me something made of leather! We recently celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary and he asked me what I wanted for our anniversary. I was in the process of demo-ing a treeless saddle and I pointed to the saddle and said “This is what I want” he just said “buy it then”. He still hasn’t asked how much but this is one gift I will use for a long time!
My hubby is absolutely non-horsey. I can’t say he didn’t try to get involved. He was at an auction with me when he saw a paint mare that he just loved. Didn’t have to twist my arm to buy her. He did try, but just never got comfortable riding. He even rode her in the county fair parade, but was just never going to be a horseman. We ended up selling the mare a few years later. He likes to watch the horses, but is never happy when I bring another one home. The only exception to that was when I had plans one year to go to a consignment auction and had mentioned that I would come home for lunch half way through the auction. He kept telling me that I shouldn’t do that as I might miss a horse that I really wanted – I knew something was up! Turned out to be a surprise birthday party for me – and a surprise for him since I showed up for the party with 4 new horses.
He doesn’t help with the horses – that’s my daughters and my thing, but he does support our girls with their riding. He’ll come watch us compete and is always proud of them, but it scares him to death to watch. As my older daughter has progressed (we barrel race) and she has gotten faster and faster, he can hardly watch her. It doesn’t bother him a bit to watch me go full speed.
He is into motorcycles (I am too) and we try to combine the 2 when we can. There is an event close by that is a motorcycle rally with horse events also. We go to that – he rides his bike, I trailer the horses. His idea of a great weekend – beer, bikes, and I’ve got my horses to compete on. My horses don’t even look twice at a Harley firing up right next to them. As far as horsey expenses, I pay for everything and he doesn’t know or ask what they cost. As long as I don’t have to ask him for money for them, he’s happy.
I like to giggle when people use the term “husband safe horse” because for he and I it’s the opposite of the typical horsey couple. We look for “wife safe horses” since im a re-rider and he’s been in the saddle since birth. I had horses growing up, back in the era of riding bareback, barefoot (me, not the horse), bareheaded and in a halter and leadrope, so I literally had to learn how to ride all over again with a saddle, helmet ( I still cant stand them but use them anyway ) proper footwear, etc. I fortunately didnt forget what I had learned in 4-h and those countless horse books Ive read about horse care. Since he has the training side down and I have the care side down, there are very few things we actually argue about. When it comes to training, I know better than to argue with him, he knows what he’s doing and I know he knows what he’s doing so I make sure I pay attention when he’s showing me something. I sometimes need to get after him to clean his horses feet before AND after he rides/works a horse but he knows better than to throw a saddle on without brushing his horse first. He likes to keep them barefoot in the winter but I like shoes on one of the boys year round. I tend to over feed, he reminds me that they arent starving to death. I keep track of worming, vacs and farrier schedules but he administers the vaccs and wormer. This way works for us because we both have something to offer each other. He doesnt have to keep track of anything but since he administers the vaccs and wormer, he’s involved with it all ( not to mention a lot taller so if my 16.3 hh gelding decides he doesnt want to be wormed, I dont have to climb up a ladder) The few times we have argued about horses and horsey related topics, we’re the “prove it” kind of people. It’s like, show my why youre doing that, if you can give me a valid explanation as to why thats the way youre doing that, then I am more apt to accept what youre doing and why youre doing it that way. That thinking might help the original post couple. Maybe your husband can show you some pictures of skin fungus or a tick or burr and then maybe you’d be more happy to spend 5 minutes brushing your horse before you put a saddle on. Not to mention that its a great time for you and your horse to bond. Or maybe try leaving your house to head out to work without doing your hair and see how great you feel about it. You might change your attitude. Brushing a horse is a good idea for a lot of reasons and should be done regularly whether you are riding that day or not.
I agree with her that you shouldnt give your horses treats everytime you walk out in the pasture, in fact, I dont think treats should be given in the pasture period. You will end up with horses more than willing to knock you over and go through your pockets on the day you show up out there empty handed. We RARELY give treats and when we do, they are given after a workout, trail ride or bath.
On the bright side, maybe more horsey couples could learn a thing or two from the couple the OP was about, at least theyre arguing about caring for thier horses instead of letting them grow running board hooves and starve to death
My luck with finding a suitable husband has been between zip and zero, so the horse part never figured into it much anywhere, if at all. Most of the men I’ve known have been money freaks — if they can’t make money with it, from it, or out of it, they aren’t interested. I explained it to one guy, knowing this would be our last date, that the only people to make money from horses bought it cheap on Friday night after feeding time and sold it for more on Saturday morning before breakfast.
To them, the ENJOYMENT of horses was a foreign concept — how could anyone enjoy something that didn’t show a monetary return on the investment? The men I met got enjoyment (and profit) from boats, ski-doos, cars — man “stuff” they could sell for at least what they paid for it, if not a bit more. They weren’t interested in sharing the horse thing with me, even to approving of my doing what made me happy.
When it came to meeting men who were also into horses, there were some, uh, “sexual identity and preference” issues OR they were womanizers and had multiple marriages to their “credit” with numerous affairs at the same time. Also not desirable. The worst was the husband of a friend who learned all about horses from watching Allen Rocky Lane movies and figured every horse needed to be ridden with Mexican rowel spurs. Thought that riding jeans came from JC Penney and if you told him to get riding pants, he thought you meant “sissy breeches” and he was a MAN, damnit, and so he’d complain about the chapping on his butt from the Penney’s jeans that weren’t meant for riding.
Yeah, finding a boyfriend/husband to share the horses.
My husband and I run a horse business together and it’s interesting to say the least! We are mainly a breaking yard and also look after broodmares and foals for clients as well as others of varying ages.
I will start by saying I think both of us are a little over protective. This evening hubb wanted to put the rugs on the horses and it’s near 60 here and yucky humid. All the horses have their thick coats – well TB thick. But still they are in stables and would be misreable. I don’t know how many times he must have asked if they would be ok. For the love of God, they are horses not people. They are shiny, eating hay, and nobody is puffed up looking cold!
Money is always an issue. He’s a bit on the cheap side but stil insists upon quality. So the all have good beds and plenty of hay, but I tend to go overboard on the extras. In actual fact it’s his job to bitch otherwise I would probably spend all the money. I had a great thing going with my supplement delivery guy for about 3 years. Always the same driver even when we moved. He would rip the sticker off before hubby could meet the truck and while I paid hubby took it into the feed room. See I actually always said the price was about 200 euros less than what it was. Well one day new driver arrived and it was a BIG order. Hubby took one look at the price on the box and was speechless! Then of course I was branded a liar and he wouldn’t speak to me for days unless he was growling at me. Honestly, I wasn’t having an affair nor was I buying crap for myself! At any rate I have toned it down, but I still sneak things by him in a cloak and dagger sort of way. Just not as much. It’s amazing how long he thinks some things last!
In all honesty both of us believe the horses come first always, then the dogs and cats, and lasty us. We get into squabbles about how things should be done or who’s more wise, but it all works out in the end. He is fearless on a horse and gives all of them great confidence. He is never manly with them and treats them fairly always. As a matter of fact his attitude of always trusting them and giving them the benefit of doubt in every situation causes me concern!
For me, it’s worth it, but I do realize I am very lucky – also he is the best driver with the horses!
Terri
I met my hub a year and a half ago and we come from very different horse backgrounds. I grew up in Ohio where rodeo isnt very popular and gaited horses are common but Kacey grew up in North Dakota and has been doing rodeo for years. I have 20+ years experience with tennessee walkers but I dont have a lot of knowledge about breeding or training QH’s but Kacey is just the opposite. We dont really disagree on a lot but we learn from each other instead. I guess we have personalities that compliment each other so that helps as well. I guess the only thing we disagree about is how often the horses should be outside. In ohio my horses were outside all the time and only came in to eat for 20 mins but Kacey brings his horses in every night. I can understand that it does get very cold here in the winter and there are more large predators here so I comply with this rule. However, Im the one cleaning the stalls every day so I bet if he had to clean them he might change his mind.
My husband is great even though he doesn’t ride. I take lessons a few times a week at a local barn and he will come to watch. He will help me hold the horse while untacking and is happy to give carrots, but god help the horse that tries to bully him on the ground – He is not a doormat! He’s even been known to help fix fences and jump in the ring to grab my horse if I take a tumble – Hasn’t happened in a while though, knock on wood. He likes motorcycles and tattoos, both of which can be expensive so there’s no bitching about my riding costs either.
I’m about as lucky as any woman can be when it comes to horses and a great husband. I had two horses when we first met. He’s not horsey at all, and he’s a suburbs type of guy. I knew he was going to propose when he bought a 10-acre farm (the place of my dreams) when we’d been together for 2.5 years — I didn’t know he’d wait 5 months, but it was worth it.
We now have four horses, and one of them is his. He wants to learn to ride and has been on a few trail rides with me. He wants to learn to tack up, groom, etc. He even agreed he wants to learn to pick feet! The best part is that he will do whatever I want when it comes to the horses. He wants to put in automatic waterers, has helped me build fencing, is building me jumps, and he wants to build a shelter in the fields.
Wow, am I lucky! (He isn’t wanting for anything, either:), and I am now a road cyclist and a poker player!)
The best advice I can give any woman is to wait until they are in their 30s to get married (I was 40) and know what you are looking for and find someone who knows what they are looking for — horsey or not!
Oh this is a topic near and dear to my heart. As a teen and in my twenties I vowed against ever dating a “horse guy”, knowing the differing opinions in the horse world it just seemed like the beginning of an end. In fact a part of the demise (a small part mind you) of my last relationship was when I found my non-horsey 200lb + boyfriend riding my 4 year old recently gelded haflinger at liberty who was in the midst of time off during a lameness (it turned out to be a misdiagnosed abscess). He says “I think he’s fine now.” which he was NOT. Flames and smoke were pouring out of every orifice of my body.
That was a quickly and permanently resolved situation.
My fiance was a completely different story…..I met him at a natural hoof care clinic(where I can assure you I was not looking for love! In fact I was still “involved” with aforementioned loser. ). I have seen enough farriers over the years to not be surprised at gritted teeth and a loss of patience. This man was so different. I have never in my life seen such a kind, patient mutual respect between horse and human. I was floored and immediately intrigued. Now I won’t say that it was love at first site as we had major differences (like 20 years in age among other things) but it awoke me to the fact that there were men out there more suited to me. One that I could respect and trust and maybe have something in common with. About a month later after some personal drama (I had to figure out how, financially and physically I was going to take care of a farm with 6 horses by myself. As it turned out, I learned I did all the work anyways so it was just financially and if I needed a strong arm I called my Dad, another great man.) I decided to call on this gentleman, who had extended an offer of a trail ride to all of the clinic participants and take him up on it. He owned this beautiful 700 acre ranch that offered weddings and bbq’s and trail rides. We arranged to go and after a few “dates” (one included me being bucked off his favorite mare, who we still don’t see eye to eye, and getting injured) we fell in love and are now expecting our first child.
No don’t get me wrong, it hasn’t been perfect. We have many differences. I am a classical dressage enthusiast with spoiled (in a good way) high maintenance ponies. He was a rodeo cowboy turned natural horseman with quarterhorses. He follows some Parelli methods among others, which he doesn’t push in my face and I don’t believe in it but I don’t complain because his horses are well behaved and respectful (he will admit though that he the worst horses to work with are the poorly trained “Parelli” method ones) . My tack is cleaned regularly, is an investment and lived in our spare bedroom, his saddle has permanent residence in the trailer and I am not sure it has ever seen a bar of saddle soap. I spend hours brushing, trimming, bathing then going for a ride in the “arena” mostly, he spends 5 minutes grooming, hours riding in the bush. He thought we could breed horses to maintain our farm status but after he heard my very strong opinions on BYBs and if he would like a visit to Ft. Macleod in AB to see how we could contribute to the likes of that and to the auction, he changed his mind and I have even heard him preaching it to others. Like was mentioned in the blog, he also has a seat to die for from his rodeo days and has been willing to give English a try, although it hasn’t happened yet. I think he would be fantastic at it (he did play polo for a while).
We have respect for each others knowledge and mostly for the horses. He insists the majority of our horses are turned out on hundreds of acres when not in use and although that was and still is hard for me, I cannot deny the benefits it has to their health, feet and well-being (my two riding horses are in 5 acres is it is easier for me to get at them when I have limited time to locate my horse.) I insist on safety and rules and order. When I moved in, the fences were electrified, upgraded and fixed (not to my absolute standard but on this many miles of fenceline it is extremely cost prohibitive and the fence pressure is very minimal when their are 5 horses on 140 acre pasture). A compromise for now.
He is the only person who I trust infinitely with every aspect of all of my horses. He can ride them (he rides in a rope halter so I know there will be no confusion to my “dressage” horse in training), he can handle them, he can discipline them, do their feet, and I even had him put the first few rides on my “auction” special that I was having lots of behavioral problems with. I don’t doubt him for a minute.
I arrange and administer the feeding and healthcare programs for the old horses (his included) and will soon be taking over most aspects of the horse boarding (a bit of a sore spot for me) as I will, any day now, have my baby and be back in business by mid winter or early spring.
As I learned, it is possible to co-exist successfully with a horseman or woman but it is all about respect for each other. We don’t always agree but we always listen and keep each others opinions and feelings in mind. We take the most important issues to each other and make them a priority. I found that our biggest disagreements were not with each others ways but with the “yahoos” methods of horsemanship that were inhabiting/keeping their dude string on the ranch when my horses(*giggle, giggle*) and I moved in. Once I brought these issues to light and expressed that your ranch name and reputation(and now mine!) is directly affected by these hillbillies, he started to look closer and make rules that they couldn’t live with and left (your know, really demanding things, like feeding your horses properly, not with rotten cow hay! and not dropping off auction horses at our place in the middle of the night instead of your own to “quarantine” them).
*When you won’t recommend and often dissuade use of the “instuctor” that teaches off your property there is a problem. When you find yourself explaining to people that yes you live up there but no, you have nothing to do with the horse camps and lessons that go on there, it gets kinda awkward.*
Things are good but there is always more room for improvement. So we keep upgrading, a little at a time, to make us both happy.
OH and I don’t have the same problem with living with a “farrier” or natural hoof care practitioner as he is known as. My horses have beautifully maintained feet but sometimes it happens quicker if I offer to trade services for it. Everyone is happy then. I DO NOT recommend this method with every farrier just ones you currently share sleeping arrangements with
My boyfriend of 3 years *likes* horses but is not a “horsey” guy. He has come riding with me a few times but it definitely isn’t his thing. He is also very allergic to them! I like it this way… he is fine with me spending copious amounts of money on my horse because he knows it’s my passion and respects that.
My parents are both horse people and they often bicker about riding styles… my dad is more of a cowboy and my mom is more of a dressage/centered riding instructor. They agree on all horsecare and whatnot though. My dad’s a farrier as well.
yes i have found a horsey husband. we have been married over 20 years. collectively we have over 60 years equine experience. the only time we argue is over the horses. we do have a small horse business. our training philosphies are the same. we do the work together but there are still arguments. who spoils what horse, who needs to be curried more. its always petty bs. i guess i should be thankful. but the arguments can become quite heated over nothing lol. i think i can be quite the witch when it comes to the horses. he is a great guy,works his butt off,loves me and the horses. what else can you ask for??
My very horsey fiance & I get along amazingly well, except for a few things here & there. We have a team of Belgian geldings we use for everything from logging to wagon rides and trail riding. We long ago acknowledged that I’m the better trainer & caretaker; I’ve years of experience working with all manner of different horses in different environments, & learned a ton from an internship I did with a local trainer of combined driving & riding ponies, & that he’s the more experienced teamster, more experienced driver. We tell each other when we’re being unsafe, & when we’re doing a good job. Really it all comes down, for us, to communication-who noticed this about the horses, things I remember when I worked for so & so, this is my idea for this. Sometimes, it’s just a matter of “Let’s go for a ride”. I think it’s amazing that I found a guy who’s on the same page as me, yet still has different opinions on things…like driving horses with bitless bridles, bare feet & smaller sized draft horses for me, cause I’m short
I am blessed with an SO who is wonderful with animals of all kinds, a fine horseman, though he doesn’t ride any more (am working on him to do so), ultra knowledgeable about animal care and nutrition, but willing to respect the way I do things, and willing to help with chores. I don’t know how I got so lucky.
>>When it came to meeting men who were also into horses, there were some, uh, “sexual identity and preference†issues OR they were womanizers and had multiple marriages to their “credit†with numerous affairs at the same time. Also not desirable.< <
I think the latter is a common problem with straight men involved in horses because the ratios are so strongly in their favor. Let’s face it, if you are a competent rider, have a nice dually and horse trailer, and look good in Wranglers, you can have 50 women by snapping your fingers, or not even. My trainer’s husband jokes that he married her to protect him from them and I do not think he is joking!
I don’t consider my boyfriend to be particularly “horsey,” but he LOVES my horses, spoils them rotten, and the first thing we have to do when he comes home on leave (deployed in Afghanistan currently) is go out to the barn so he can say hi to everyone. When I was spending lots of time at a local rescue, Nate “adopted” one of the lame oldies with arthritis in both front knees. He spent HOURS grooming the lame old horse and hand-grazing him. It was so cute. He has stayed at the barn all night with me to see a horse through a particularly tough bout of colic, even though he had to work early in the morning. He is awesome.
My favorite is that he doesn’t know much about the care/management aspect of horses, and he knows he doesn’t know much, and is okay with it, so therefore defers to my opinions and expertise. We never have fought about anything horsey.
Ex spouse (not divorced due to horses, btw) wasn’t into horses but managed to learn to pass out carrots with the best of them and even taught my show gelding to “give kisses” for carrots. Great support at shows and even learned how to optimally run the camcorder so recorded classes didn’t come out looking like the cameraman had only a deep and abiding interest in the walls or the footing.
I was on a business trip when my TB rescue colicked severely (refluxing). He dealt with it, started walking the horse even though I don’t think he had ever been before at the business end of the leadrope), got the vet, hooked up the trailer, hauled the horse to surgery, and dealt with the inoperable aftermath.
And paid the bill.
And saw to it the horse had a decent burial.
And met me at the airport at 1:30 a.m. to give me a drive home and gently break the news rather than having me take a cab home and have to go to the barn and make the awful discovery of an empty stall.
PRINCE of a guy. Shoulda kept him!!!
My husband’s horsey experience is limited…a couple rides that turned out less than well. One buck off, one saddle slip after which he was dragged, one runaway straight into a dead willow tree. So it’s not surprising that he’s not a big fan of this creature we all love. We’ve gone through two horses trying to find a good fit for him but the more we thought about he just didn’t have the interested or the time. He’s a workaholic and isn’t happy unless he’s being productive–he’s a manly man and apparently horseback riding isn’t productive OR manly, ha ha ha. He thinks cowboys are men…but trail riding isn’t ranching. And a helmet? Get real. He decided he didn’t want to wear a helmet or learn to control a horse–he wanted to just follow the leader (me??) so I sold his horse. He couldn’t care less. However, I am grateful that he is so amazing about me owning horses. I don’t work so he supports my hobby financially 100%. He’s learned safe handling of my mare so he can technically do whatever needs to be done if I’m not around…he just doesn’t care to ride. He happily hauls hay and feeds, pays the farrier and vet bills, holds my horse while I mount. In other words, he’s a good husband.
I won’t pretend…for awhile I was hurt that he didn’t want to share in my interest, who wouldn’t love riding, he must be nuts, right? I envisioned us hauling all over to discover new trails, going on cattle rides together, navigating mountain passes, loping off into the sunset, ha ha ha. No, didn’t happen. But I don’t give a @#$% about hockey and he isn’t mad that I’m not into it. Plus now I have someone reliable at home to watch the dogs when I go riding! Win-win! (I won’t lie–when a cowboy riding my dream horse tried to pick me up at a local horse event I had to look at my ring finger to remind me I was married, ha ha ha ha. Cowboys…droool. My husband laughed when I told him what had happened and he said I should have gone out with him–I might have made a good connection for hay. LOL)
WOW! I’m completely offended by this!
>>When it came to meeting men who were also into horses, there were some, uh, “sexual identity and preference†issues OR they were womanizers and had multiple marriages to their “credit†with numerous affairs at the same time. Also not desirable.<<
Also could be said, it's very hard to find a good horsey woman who isn't a complete ….. DQ is the only family friendly thing i can think to place here. BUT we all know a few bad apples spoil the batch. And saying that would be completely unfair to the thousands of very nice women that are out there and involved in horses.
I know I'm in the girls club here; but common!!! I have meet some very nice respectable straight guys since I have been involved in the horse world. You just have to get out there and meet them…
–jj
Jay, it depends on the discipline. Sure, there are nice straight guys but there are also nice gay guys (a greater percentage than in the world as a whole – pretty sure you could prove that!) and plenty of guys juggling multiple women (again, a greater percentage than in the world as a whole). And of COURSE there are lots of crazy women. Good grief, do you read my blog? I talk about crazy women every week. Crazy Gypsy Vanner starving lady, crazy hoarder ladies, etc. Lots of crazy with BOTH genders in horses – and lots of good people too, but it’s definitely a topic where I know I am going to hear some crazy stories!
I have the great fortune to be married to the most amazing man I’ve ever met! He has never had much experience with animals of any sort, but he loves being around them and learning about them. Not only is he completely supportive of my horse habit, he encourages my addiction to all animals.
For our first Valentines Day he took me to a house rabbit society and helped me pick out a pair of gorgeous agouti lop mix bunnies! He had done all the research and paid all the adoption fees, purchased/modified an extra large dog crate for their home, plus feed/treats/etc, all I had to do was find the pair I “clicked” with and wait for them to be delivered! I have NEVER had anyone put so much thought/effort into such a perfect present before. 
His reasoning? Rabbits are remarkably like horses in behavior/temperament/attitudes so until he could get me a real horse he wanted me to have something close to them I could interact with everyday. *swoon* I have to say that I adore our bunnies (who can resist such a cute ball of fluff?) and plan on introducing them to bunny showjumping once they’ve matured a bit.
We do not own any horses yet, but we’ve agreed that after we get my student loan paid off (should hopefully only take another year, two at max!) we will be going horse shopping! Yay!
Happily for me, we like the same kinds of horses and although his horse experience is very limited, he is interested in the same disciplines I am and learns faster than I thought humanly possible. We even share a dream of owning our own horse property someday and he will enthusiastically banter back and forth with me about the features we’d like!
Our only area of disagreement is in regards to spay/neuter. Hubby is a bit leery of the idea of fixing any male pets we will own, though he finally agreed that females could be spayed after I told him horror stories of my dog’s behavior when she would come into heat (I had to hold off getting her fixed right away due to an infection she had as a puppy). He is gradually coming around to the idea that not all males should have the privilege of retaining two certain pieces of anatomy, but he still believes that an intact male dog/horse/etc has more fire/intensity/whatever than a fixed male and believes that he’s responsible enough (with regards to training) that keeping intact males wouldn’t be a problem. *snort* I wish I was still working in stallion management – there was one particular stallion that was “intense” enough to be dangerous to his handlers… I do wonder though if male pet owners have more reluctance to neuter male animals than female owners do.
I grew up in polo which is almost all straight guys…but isn’t always the best hunting ground if your goal is monogamy. It is very easy to attract cute young girls from atop a polo pony. Whereas a friend of mine grew up in show Arabs and said she’d never gotten involved with anybody in the horse biz because all the guys she met were (a) already married or (b) didn’t like girls.
My husband and I have been married 30 years this year. I have horses, he does not. That is what he tells any one who asks. But he will go for hay and stack it in the barn. He gave me the money to buy my Morgan Colt last spring. He takes care of the other 2 when I take my gelding on a weekend outing. He lets me sleep in and does morning feeds on days off. He built a 2 stall barn and is adding a 3rd stall for the 3rd horse. He takes care of my truck and trailer, makes sure everything runs the way it should. And helps in the barn to the paint of doing stalls most of the time. He doesn’t ride and doesn’t want too. Although the few times he did ride with me he was a natural. He knew I was horse crazy before we met on a blind date when we were seniors in High School. He even took care of my horse at his parents farm untill we got married and found a boarding place closer to our home.
I know he isn’t in to horses and don’t push the issue. but he will discuss them with me, help where needed and support my choices. In return I don’t fuss about the money he spends on his trucks and flight lessons. I make an effort to support him with his work and help where I can. I can’t wait to get home after a weekend event and he meets me to help unhook the trailer and put up my horse. Staying together this long can be a hard project. It takes work and cooperation from both parties. But the end results are so worth it. We are still crazy about each other.
We got married 3 years ago. My husband was everything I had ever wanted with only one downfall. He told me we couldn’t afford a horse. He knew I was obsessed and wanted one more than anything else. It took lessons, found ads on craigslist and dreamhorse. We even got to the point that we looked at board, but he kept coming back and telling me there was no way.
Long story short, he works in remote locations in the summer and the summer of 08 I went to the Enumclaw auction. I locked eyes on an OTTB and couldn’t look away. She came home with me, and I wrote him a letter
Needless to say there is no phone or internet access where he works but he managed to find a phone to call me when he got the letter.
He wasn’t happy (he’s in grad school and I work full time) and we fought a lot at first about money. I gave up all my coffee and worked extra jobs. He soon realized how happy Denali makes me and has learned to love her (and how much money I waste)
He loves us so much in fact that we were all set to buy his dream truck two weekends ago when we found out that Denali was diagnosed with a nerological issue. My hubby called up the dealership amist my bawling and said to cancel the truck. He wants to make sure that “our girl” can get what she needs. I love my husband for that!
http://www.wildponybeast.blogspot.com
It took me 3 tries to find the right guy. He wasn’t into horses when we met, but I eventually convinced him to hop on my horse a couple times. I then surprised him with a horse of his own, and he started trail riding with me. He even suggested we include a week long trail ride in Scotland for our honeymoon. He had built a barn for me, fixes fences, and puts up with me dragging half starved horses home. We don’t really argue, but he doesn’t listen when I tell him he needs to school his horse, or take lessons. He knew better than me about barn construction, and now we have a flooding issue. He thinks dressage shows are slow death by torture, and can’t take the 3 hour horse chats my riding buddies and I get into. But when I decided to do a fun show, he was the perfect show groom, and when I say lets just ride! he will pack up and we will head out together on the trails and have a great time.
He’s a keeper!
OT:
http://seattle.craigslist.org/kit/grd/1441228468.html
They think THAT is a sporthorse?? Ok, maybe the judges will be so blinded by her Kolor that they won’t notice the 3 inch difference between her butt and withers in HUS, but I doubt she could get her knees over so much as a 2′ jump.
My hubby is still Mr. Right after 13 years, but is not as horsey as I thought. He grew up riding; his Mom used to event, and his bro is a farrier, western trainer, and ex-bareback bronc rider. I got the one who hates horse shows. I thought we could at least trail ride together, but he has decided to stop riding all together. Oh, well – he’s perfect otherwise.
Sadly, we have to sell our place, and my horse. It doesn’t hurt too much, since he’s not a partner-horse, if you know what I mean. I’m hoping Bro will give him a refreesher &sell him for me. However, I’m about to start volunteering at a local rescue. And I think I’ll start hanging around barns… maybe trade some grooming for lessons, once I’m riding-fit.
OT: D*mn snow. Hope it melts off fast, I’ve got runs to clean.
Grumbling, Ruthie
My hubby and I agree on the horses! Mainly because he knows little to nothing and looks to me for what to do. He has interest too, which is a HUGE plus! The only thing we have fought about is cost.
My husband didn’t know anything about horses when we met, so just about everything he knows, he learned from me
Less bitching that way. He’s got good common sense about them though, and that’s mostly what horses are about anyways. He’s saved my butt a couple of times though. My mare HATED the vet, and wasn’t about to let him get near her with a needle for spring shots. Hubby got ahold of her and managed to keep her still and the shots were done without any harm to anyone. And when my Arab gelding absolutely HAD to, but would not, get on the trailer, he’s the one who got him loaded up.
My DH thinks spending a summer riding a neighbor’s old timer meant he’s a “horseperson”. It doesn’t. Luckily he’s realized this and is doing most stuff my way and with minimal complaints. He also is a good student of the how not to let the pretty horsey walk all over you lessons I’m giving. His “cute pony, here’s a treat” thinking worked with the old timers, not so much with my pushy two year old filly. I consider myself lucky he’s a quick learner at putting up fences.
I realize that I am pretty lucky when it comes to my SO, I went horse-less for awhile due to SO job. We have to move quite often because of SO job, and I really didn’t want to board and I thought we couldn’t afford board and horse expenses too. Two years ago, we were at our counties 4-H fair as we walked through the horse barn– SO turns to me and says ” For our anniversary, I’d really like to get you a horse.” SO knew how much I missed horses, I felt like I had a huge hole missing in my life without them! SO and have two horses now, with a third rescue horse coming the first week in Nov. We still board, and still never have enough money- but SO knows my horses mean the world to me and tries to help whenever she can. I took a second job at the barn where I board, so that I could show again and buy the horsey extras I wanted. Besides, I was already at the barn twice a day anyways! What’s a few more to feed?
SO doesn’t really complain about the horses, and we don’t agrue over them. She is a horse noob, and respects my knowledge about all things Equine.
I think sometimes I can be selfish, I am nuts over anything horse related! So, if there is a new tack store, or open show, training workshop, horse fair, I am there in boots, pony tail and horse tee! Usually, with SO at side trying to understand why I need another saddle pad or bit, etc. I forget that SO isn’t as enthralled by the sheath cleaning lecture as I am.
I try to do other things with SO, that I’m not thrilled over. Car shows, working on the car, so that SO gets time too. In return we don’t fight over how much time I spend with the horses and SO even picks up my housework slack on those perfect riding days! Yeah, I’m pretty darn lucky!
First time poster – been reading since April and appreciate the commonsense and compassion shown here.
Been married 36 years this month to a man who put up with my horse mania for years, although he isn’t at all interested…funniest story is when I started taking lessons at a barn with a 20 something goodlooking trainer…two years later, another rider and I were comparing notes and finally voiced the same conclusion “OMG, Art’s gay”…it only took us that long to figure it out LOL…So I go home and tell hubby my big discovery and he calmly says ” I knew that the first time I met him, why else would I not mind you spending so much time at the barn with a good looking guy around?”
Best,
Kathy
P.S. I breed and show pedigreed cats, and we have the same issues and dialogs with rescuers…I never thought about the anti-breeder thing in conjuction with horses….
My husband and I are horsey to the bone I love them to the bone and he well doesn’t love them as much but likes them none the less. Well anyways the spring before I had my first child my father-in-law asked my husband and I to take care of his filly while he got back on his feet. It might be f-ed up that my husband and I had to take the filly to begin with but we both thought that it would be better for the horse to get good care with us than suffer otherwise. Anyways the entire time my husband and I had that filly we bickered none stop about what should be done and how it should be done. My father-in-law had the filly started with a d-ring snaffle and for whatever reason under the ever loving sun decided to switch her to a some distorted twisted version of the dog bone, so that’s where my husband and I began to butt heads. I thought that it was unreasonable and cruel to use the ‘dog bone’ and wanted to her to be ridden with my d-ring (we actually screamed at one another over this issue). Then we decided to move on and bicker over her feet, I wanted to keep her shod because we lived in Tennessee at the time and I had no intention of riding a barefoot horse over rocky terrain but my husband believed that she would be just fine barefoot. Granted my husband and I were raised in Colorado and always left our horses barefoot for the simple fact that the land we rode on was pasture land composed of virgin sod. Next up on the bickering chopping block was her diet, my husband believed that giving grain every day was a waste of money and should only be given on the days the horse was ridden or ever three days if she wasn’t ridden, I on the other had believed that grain should be fed everyday in addition to the grass hay. Also my husband had the distorted belief that horses will pick through moldy hay and only eat the good parts, I think that’s the only point I was able to sway him on. The list of things we argued, fought, and bickered about goes on and on but this is just a little taste. To be quiet frank I’m not really looking forward to the day when my husband and I are in a position to own our own horses.
My boyfriend have found a happy medium with regards to horse care, although it did take a while to find this balance for us.
He is quite an accompished horseman, has never shown a horse in his life or even taken formal lessons. He is however very good in area’s that I am weak. He is great to have around for breaking horses. He’s 6’2 and almost ALL leg, so he tends to stick on a bratty baby better than I do, and doesn’t ever get scared. He grew up on a mixed farm, where he learned to ride on a green 3yo he’d raised with daddy’s help since birth with no saddle and a bridle that was basically a bit tied to a halter with binder twine reins.
I on the other hand was the jumper princess/dressage queen who took lessons and showed my whole life and I can ride circles around his ass on a finished horse of almost any dicipline, but I hate breaking horses.
We met working at the racetrack. I was galloping and he was a groom. I was still new to galloping race horses and we met because just about everyday I would get my ass dumped off the same horse, and he would go running into my bf’s barn almost daily, and he’d have to bring my horse back, make sure I was ok and throw me back up….. daily….. LOL That was 4 years ago and we’ve been together ever since.
He was promoted to barn manager the next year, and he won tons of races as the manager. His horses were always in good health, and he’d be the first person in the barn at stupid hours of the morning with a sick horse. Definately one of the hardest workers I’ve ever met in my life.
From growing up on the farm too poor to afford tack, to sucessfully managing one of the top racing stables in western canada with little help from the actual trainer (who was drunk most of the time anyway) I’d have to say he learned a few things.
Apparently he was a groom for 3 or 4 years before that, I just never saw him around. I had been there for 2 yrs at the time, so he’d been there the whole time, he just never left his barn so I never saw him around.
We both have our area’s of expertise, and we both agree on basic care. The only times we disagree on anything horse related has to do with training. It’s fairly simple though, he has his horses, I have mine and whoever owns the horse is incharge of that horse’s training. We do learn a lot from each other though. The only thing that drove me crazy was when I’d let him ride one of mine, and he’d start riding like he was on one of his, and when I screamed at him he’d say “I don’t know how to ride like a princess and I’m not going to learn! I ride like a real man!” to which I’d respond “then you can get the f*** off my horse…..” LOL. He’s gotten way better about listening to me when he’s on my horses, and I recently got him to WILLINGLY sign up for some jumping/dressage lessons with my coach
. He’s also doing it on his own horse, not mine. Guess they’re going to be a pair of princesses now….. LMAO He tried to say he wouldn’t ride in anything but a wintec saddle, and he couldn’t possible learn jumping in a western saddle. I don’t think he knew wintec made english saddles too, because me and my coach quite promptly found him one and he couldn’t seem to find any more excuses after that… LOL He starts his lessons next week.
My husband is delightfully non-horsey. We hashed out the issue before we started to date seriously. By “hashed it out” I mean I told him i was a horse person and if he didn’t like that he could be sure to not let the door hit him in the ass on the way out. We hashed out several things like that. I’d just got out of a long and horrible marriage so i wanted him to know my expectations. I WILL have the dog of my choice, even if it is a bald ugly freakshow of a dog. I WILL have horses. period. The barn is MY territory, he is welcome to visit and help out but it is my way or get out. The horses are MY thing. I appreciate his interest but they are and always will be MY thing.
I don’t WANT a horsey husband, just one who is supportive of MY horsey passion. And mine is. he is VERY supportive of my horse addiction. Just like I am supportive of his interests. I have my horses, he has his ATVs, together we have the rendezvous at the gun club. It’s a nice balance. And i don’t have to listen to him tell me how I should do things around the barn.
He loves the horses. he shows off pictures of them to his friends and coworkers… same with the dogs. He is quite proud of my ugly little Chinese Crested. He knows as much about horses as i do about high end sports cars (I.E. they are pretty and expensive and aside from that… um… they are pretty). Mostly he just loves how much I love the horses, and that the horses bring me so much joy.
http://sd.craigslist.org/grd/1421948226.htmlm (before someone trys to get “sporthorse” babies out of her)
my first serious boyfriend wasn’t at all into horses, so it really wasn’t an issue (he did go with me to the barn and he was supportive, he just didn’t *get* it). my second was not a horse person at first but he wanted to learn and was eager to soak up everything i taught him. that was pretty awesome. he’s a skateboarder with incredible balance and is a natural rider. plus he weighs 110 pounds soaking wet, so he and my semi-retired mare got on swimmingly
The dream of a like minded horsey guy can begin quite young. My 13yr old daughter was at 4H camp this summer and danced with a boy that she has seen at horse shows and playdays…what was so dreamy about this moment and I quote “mom, his jacket smelled like alfalfa-isn’t that wonderful” Lesson learned–we should market alfalfa scented cologne.
When we met my husband didn’t really know I am horse crazy. After asking for a horse for my birthday, Christmas, Easter and every other gift giving occasion for almost thrity years I gave up. Married my hubby three years ago and moved from city to country. Before my forty-third birthday the dormant horse craziness came to the surface and every time a horse showed up in field by the road, on TV, a magazine etc. I’d say something about wanting a horse. Long story short the biggest, best surprise of my life came when hubby informed me the horse I was riding during what I thought was just a lesson for my birthday was really MY horse! I did not know whether to laugh, cry, or jump off the horse and hug him! Now we both have a horse. The only thing we disagree on is that he is thinking of selling his mare so he can get a gelding. I worry about where the mare will end up as we are the third people to own her and she is only seven. Also I got very angry a few weeks ago when my horse had some swelling around her pastern and the BO/BM told hubby what the farrier said about it instead of calling me. The BO/BM’s wife straightened her man out on the subject but mine never did figure out why I as so angry.
Horrid ad…imagine..a horse that never needs the farrier?! OMG. And she stomped the head off her chihuahua? Dunno what to think on that one, but posted here for comment.
http://toronto.kijiji.ca/c-pets-livestock-for-sale-Paint-Pony-Mare-W0QQAdIdZ165113953
I married a non-horsey fellow, but he’s been a therapeutic riding volunteer with me for almost 3 years now. He loves it (mostly because he loves working with the kids), and it’s great way to get a non-horsey spouse comfortable around some of the kindest, safest horses you’ll find anywhere.