Horse, version 2.0?
Oct 27 2009
Remote…………. Control…………… Horse
Date: 2009-10-25, 12:19PM PDT
Reply to: comm-h3bhr-1437160525@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
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Do you enjoy riding horses that the gods intended for man to tame?
A ride in the feild with flowing fresh air.
Have you had injuries that have prevented you from doing your most cherished hobbie? Riding the Stallion.
Head injury?
Spinal Compression?
Or just simple uncoordination?
Do you just not have the inspiration to saddle up and ride in the rain and mud?
Or just not have time.
Now you can enjoy riding again with..Remote Control Horse.
Motor Servos are surgically embedded subcutaneously below the creatures mane,away from dust,rain or potential aggrivation from the creature.
You can now have full remote control input of your horse. Left /Right/Velosity mimicing real life behaviour.
Additional ProcessorsSensors can be monted on the ears/tail/buttocks.
Timers can be used for complete automonious activation…sleeping/waking/training purposes.Even Eating!
RocIII Servos includes built in functions like RCTIME that enable you to easily time discharge from feeding.
Additional microwave units can be installed at various intervals along fencelines to prevent any “escape action”in case your horse decides to “bust a move”.
Remote unit control distance varies with output….50-500 watt aps range in distance from 100-300 yards,Depending on which IZG Repeater Units are installed.
The integrated development system , compiles the BASIC source programs into a tokenized internal format, which is in turn executed by an interpreter on board The Creature unit. (which is based on a PIC controller). Yeah, your programs are not going to be super fast but for so many applications, they are plenty fast enough.Specially for barn yard use.
Robotic kits for your horse can be customized for a proper fit providing a large number of functions specifically for your needs.
So,Now it’s time you Saddle Up and Ride your Pony!
Contact us for more information regarding Remote Control Horse at…
SaddledUpToRide@BuckinBull.com
65 comments to “Horse, version 2.0?”
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Definately a cup holder – and not a crappy one like you get in a lot of Fords – a good one that will hold a coffee cup, or a beer bottle.
you forgot bodily functions! Shouldn’t they fart bubbles, pee rainbows and poop fluffy clouds???
A cup holder would be awesome. The last time I was riding my horse with a margarita, he took off. Instead of ditching the cup, I tried to hold onto it with my teeth! Needless to say, the horse and I were covered with margarita!!! Good thing I was riding in a bareback pad and not my leather saddle:)
(I could handle having the margaritas mixed on horse back, too — saves a step or two.)
Hmm… I guess I’d instal headlights for night ridding. Oh, and an on board video camera, that might be neat. Lol.
How about when stalled, the horse is programmed to poop in a shoot and it goes right out into a manure spreader. LOL
Hmmm, seeing as it’s already frosty in the morning I would at first think of a heater for the pony… but I guess I could just bury my hands in her mane. Or wear gloves. So I would say a espresso maker and cup holder. That way I could make myself a nice hot caramel macchiato while on horseback, and have some where to store it when I start jumping. Oh, and of course I’d share with Maddy, seeing as she like caffeinated beverages almost as much as I do!
I like the headlights idea, that should be “standard” equipment like the cup holder LOL…but I’d “pay extra” a reclining saddle for those long trail rides. Ya know, put it on auto pilot, kick back, and take a little siesta
This brought to mind a book I read a while ago: The House of the Scorpion by Nancy Farmer (?). They control illegal immigrants and horses with implants that makes them do whatever you tell them to… like a horse can’t drink unless you tell it to drink, if a horse is tired it cannot rest until you tell it to rest, etc. Very scary concept.
Anyways, I would also love it for the horses to poop and pee in a chute, lol. Or at least pick one spot in their stall and not walk through it.
Anyone know how to litter-train a horse? lol.
That was a good book, but very eerie.
Onboard GPS- for all your trail riding needs.
We trail ride on BLM, Forest Circus, and State Parks Property, so this is what SPURS my models’ customization:
I want a set of headlamps (Brights and Dims), foglights, tail lights (so ppl don’t run over me on the trail when I am stopped), a back-up cam so we can see what’s behind us (not to mention the beep-beep noise–to ALERT ppl we are in deed backing up and get the heck out of the way!). I really need turn signals!!
I want a built in GPS with real time Google Maps so I won’t make the wrong turn and I can tag an outcrop of rocks as a rattle snake den, so we won’t be visiting there again.
It would be nice to have a SELF BOOTING mode, so he can be fully rubberized all the way around–since we don’t wear iron shoes. Then we switch from riding in the arena to the trail with just a flip of the button. Sort of like on demand 4-wheel drive.
An auxillary plug-in and speakers for my iPod would be fabulous also–then we can be styling as march down the trail to our own Theme music like Justin Timberlake’s “My Love”. Every great horse deserves their own Theme music–just think of that human Rocky Balboa!
Finally, I want a Public Address System with a mic I can key and yell at those stupid OHV’s to not run over us, revv their engines or steer too close–and most of all we have the right-of-way and we are using it!!
GPS would be WONDERFUL. One reason I do not trail ride is that I’d NEVER find my way back to the trailer. I just don’t know how people do it. But then again, I walk out of stores in the mall and can’t remember which way I was going!
This has got to be a joke! Part of the beauty of horse ownership is getting that “relationship” with your horse and gaining the horse’s trust and cooperation.
Slightly off topic, but here is another CL gem. A JERK threatening to take his horses to slaughter if not sold. I live in Idaho and Hay is NOT $200/ton here? He is full of CRAP and playing on people’s sympathy to get his horses sold. What an A$$:
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Reg. Arabian Mares – $900 (Kalispell)
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Date: 2009-10-24, 8:59AM PDT
Reply to: sale-kr4xq-1433144196@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
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I have several quality Registered Arabian Mares that must go. These are no culls or problem horses. Our hay crop was down by 70% and I can’t afford $200 a ton to buy what I need. I have several Serafix bred with different levels of training, one bay is a Musulmanin Granddaughter. One liver chestnut broodmare has an beautiful head, she’s a Thee Desperado Granddaughter. Transportation is available. If I can’t find homes within the next few weeks I’ll have no choice but to send them to the Slaughter house.
These folks need the remote control installed, I guess.
http://nh.craigslist.org/grd/1431931201.html
Since we can’t expect common sense to have told them that a stallion was not a good choice for a three year old child’s mount!
For my horse I guess I have to ask for retractable legs. They could shorten up whenever you needed them to (kinda like hydraulics on a car). It would make mounting and dismounting much easier, not to mention reduce the chance of getting my head bonked by a low tree branch.
Drillrider – I ‘ve seen that same ad posted in the Seattle area. Do people just figure out at the end of summer that they are out of money?
I’d like my mare to have a pair of holographic glasses that regardless of with whom, where, or by what we are riding she only sees her pasture mates and a soothing environment.
You know, I’ve been dreaming about that plug’n'play surround sound for quite sometime. I always invisioned it as more of a saddle feature (cantle and horn), but, hey, why not just imbed it in the horse. I mean, there are plenty of days I am too lazy to tack up and just bareback it. Wouldn’t it be nice if Ann could be sweatin’ to the oldies then, too? The thing I miss most about an indoor arena is the sound system. There was nothing like tearing up the floor to the wailing of a steel guitar!!
Maybe some sort of handsfree cellphone device. And if we’re getting to that point, why not install all my HVAC books into the horse’s internal computer, and I can conduct all my business for horseback. Maybe a teleport button, too?
Ooooh, that’s a great one, Chelsea!
wtf@ At the pony stallion. Who buys a stud horse, bitches about the previous owners not gelding him, but then leaves him intact?
>_>
<_<
…
I want shock absorbers please. Somewhere on the canon bones would be lovely.
Damn straight shoulders ;_;
(Skippy! is a Breeding Stock Paint. Breeder tried for color and failed, then ended up with a solid brown huge bodied tiny hooved straight shouldered MOOSE. So.. we ended up with him
)
I’d like a saddle that is able to be set to different temperatures: warm in winter, cool in summer; automatic warming bit; radio/music player; a holographic display for arena or winter riding so it looks like summer, or a trail; a bit that would convert from a dee ring snaffle to a tom thumb and back again with the push of a button (or a different pair of bit types); a ‘relaxer’ button to get my horse to calm down; an ‘energizer’ button to give my horse more energy (I know the last two seem like opposites, but they’d be used in different situations, obviously); an instant clean button that would clean every inch of my horse, including feet; and a diagnosis button that would correctly diagnose any problems my horse is experiencing, and tell me what the best course of action(s) are.
Oh, I don’t even have to think about this one. I want a pause button installed.
Horse getting ready to spook? Pause until scary object gets past or until I can get ready for it.
Horse resisting? Pause, so I can regroup and rearrange.
Horse bucking? Running away? Pause. Won’t stand for mounting? Pause.
Oh, yeah, definitely a pause button.
We had more than 65 days over 100 degrees this summer in Austin, TX. Is asking for Air Conditioning too much?
An automatic anti-static mane and tail detangler. A diaper device that composts the manure before it hits the ground. A pee-warning device. A device that fires a large sticker that says, “I don’t yield to horses.” A Tazer holster, for ornery dogs & humans? A Stupidity detector, to give you time to “lock n’ load” the Tazer and/or sticker-shooter.
Those last two would work for dog-walkers, too!
Ruthie
I was going to say an anti theft locking system, and anti panic button …. but as stated above by mulerider a simple pause button would be enough. Definatly a mute button for my 30 year old Donkey “Der Willy”.
haha awesome idea! i almost wish it was real but how BORING would that be? a simple pause button would suffice..
it kind of sounds like the iGallop. it was so much fun!
I work on a computer all day long, and for many years have thought it would be nice if, like on a computer, that we had the option of “Edit, Undo” I would definitely have that installed on my horse. I get bucked off an am laying on the ground in pain- Edit, Undo. Fixed. Back in the saddle and no injuries!
RE: THE PONY STALLION AND THEN THEY HAVE NO PUNCTUATION HAVE RUNON SENTENCES BAD GRAMMUR AND TYPE IN ALL CAPS AS IF THEY ARE SHOUTING!
I’m with Mulerider. Definitely a pause button.
Oh, let’s see.. I definitely want the GPS! I bet the rednecks would LOVE a mini Kegerator!
I’d also like a self-cleaning feature so my white horse would actually be white! Without hours of labor on my part!
A “Stand Still” button would be nice, so when the judges approach, she doesn’t try to climb into their pockets!
How about a retractable joystick that you can use for manual override so when negotiating an obstacle on trail or in a trail obstacle class, you can forego the whole training thing and just turn your horse into a living, breathing video game!
How about a muzzle-mounted flamethrower to scare off those pesky stray dogs? I bet the appearance of a fire-breathing horse would fix them good!
And how about a bug zapper between the ears? THAT would be quite handy! Maybe one under the belly, too.
I would seriously LOVE a “drink” button for those competitions where for whatever reson she just won’t drink well and gets dehydrated… seems like on cool days she doesn’t drink as well as when it’s really hot.
They’ve forgotten that they’ve already made the “perfect horse”. And it trains you how to ride too! http://racewood.com/dressage.php I’ve got to get me one of those… <3
I read that Craig’s List ad to my husband, threatening to take his horses to slaughter. My husband said that he doesn’t want 900.00 for them then, he will be happy to take 200.00 because that is all he will get at the slaughter auction. It makes me mad that people threaten slaughter thinking it would help them sell. He also has a black Percheron Mare that he is selling, having bred her to his Arab stallion. But hay is no where near 200.00 a ton. Someone had those large bales of alfalfa, organic hay for 50.00 a bale on the Spokane area Craig’s list and I think I just saw an ad for hay for 110.00 a ton. No excuse at all.
Oooh, definitely a mute button for one of the older mares- if she doesn’t have enough hay in her stall, she roars like a freakin’ dinosaur. Seriously, her show name is “Jurassic Park.”
I have to second (third?) mulerider, a pausebutton would be awesome!
I would also like to have a self-grooming device installed. This time of year, when you let the horses out in the morning and let the Mud Monsters back in in the evening, that would be fantastic.
Wonder Horse– You really should ride a Peruvian Paso horse, they have some mega shock-absorbers built in. My guy is like sitting on a magic carpet, floating along watching the ground go by! And another added bonus, he is only 14.1 hands (officially) and I trained him to side pass up to anything I am standing on–so mounting is not a problem.
I would how ever like to amend my previous list to include an automatic dismounting device–getting on is fine, its the getting off after 18 miles that can lead to serious bum warp. Also a snow, rain, wind, and sand deflector so I can ride without taking refuge in the covered arena.
Additionally, a side scanning radar that can alert you to snakes, rabbits, squirrels, birds or running dogs –so you can be ready for those stellar suprises before they happen–even though we spook in place! We really enjoyed the gopher snake the was crossing the road and decide to take a break and wrapped around our front foot on the gaiter of Virti’s boot. He froze and put his foot up in the air to show me this skinny little snake clinging to it— Consequently, a snake and rabid squirrel / skunk avoidance or removal device (that operates stictly in a humane manner–no blood or gore)–perhaps we could borrow Crissy’s Teleport device. Yes, we have encountered these joyous occasions!
Finally, how about a 3-In-1 device–a Gap-to-Maker: Your riding down a granite trail on the side of a hill, say in the Sierra Nevadas (up near Lake Tahoe) and the trail has slid away for 20 feet and is sheer with no way to get across it and turning around is extremely precarious– wa-la, the Gap-to Maker springs into action and spans that puppy. Next, you get to the top of a hill and find out that there is really no way to get down except the way you went up– Presto a rubber slide springs out of the horsey bum so you can just slide down the hill, no fuss, no muss. Lastly, if things have really gone to heck in a handbasket on a rocketship heading for Mars–a set of helicopter blades springs out of your horses ears and just flys you out of the no-ride zone.
I’m going to a say a device that turns his poop into money. I definitely wouldn’t complain if they invented that
Or, like in the move “The Matrix”, just plug the horse into the machine, give it a few minutes, and abracadabra! The horse is trained. Just think of all the programs you could intoduce your horse to.
Oh! And horses should sweat fly spray.
I can’t stop laughing. It’s obviously a joke…I wonder if the poster was tired of seeing crappy riding?
Not quite a remote-controlled horse, but at the Sydney Olympics I saw this “computerised” one
http://www.equex.com.au/our_team_spud.htm
And of course, Kiwi ingenuity being what it is, we have long had remote-controlled dogs
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e7dRelyKzes
I would love to have manes and tails that detangle all by themselves, automatic cleaning, the pause button and one additional feature that I would pay big $$$ for is one that would remove ALL cockleburrs from the entire horse starting with the forelock. Spent two hours pulling those *&%$$^&* things off our palomino last weekend!
I`d really like to have a LED-Display under the mane for “on board diagnostics”. Instead of the reoccouring worries like “what´s wrong with her again, should I call the vet / the chiropractor / the farrier ?” – I`d just have a look on the display.
FOTD, a GPS to get home? Horse already has one built in – used it all the time when I’d get lost in the outback of Australia. Most horses know EXACTLY where the barn is, no matter where you are
That said:
GPS so *I* know where I am. That’s also helpful when the horse knows where the barn is, but not how to get down the cliff between you and home.
Teflon coated so when they roll in the mud, it just sloughs right off!
Mulerider’s Pause button
PeanutPalomino’s sweating fly spray
Headlights, definitely
Ability to change to reflective bright-orange hair for hunting season
Auto-loader: picks me up and sets me gently in the saddle, then retracts out of sight
Easy upgrades – pop in Horse V3 CD to upgrade the horse’s training to the next level
And, most definitely, NoShoes’ UNDO button!
I would love to have a auto hoof-trimming and auto teeth- floating feature! Also a self diagnosis (vet) check system… something like Nortons. That way, you KNOW what the problems are and can run a “virus scan” to fix any issues. I like the idea mentioned above about the program training. alot of the trail riding ideas are great too!
Fugly, a great trail riding idea for the directionally impaired such as myself, is to take a buddy with you that knows where to go and how to get home!
How about a self-cleaning sheath!
Totally OT: but I would like you all to meet our newset rescue (my avatar)! Her name is Gypsy and she is a 3yr old PB Clyde mare. She is coming from a local rescue who picked her up from a breeder who had starved and stunted (15hh @3yrs) her due to lack of feed and care, then knocked her up just to make a “sport horse”… so she is bred to a 2yr old gray and white paint fugly QH! Gypsy and her baby will be coming to live with our other 2 horses after she foals in May.
I’d like a manners button, for when my mare gets pushy. Although I like the idea of a pause button.
fugs…who needs GPS?? I have yet to meet a horse that didn’t know EXACTLY how to get back home again…just drop the reins, and they’re like freaking homing pigeons! Of course, you may not have any say in the pace you set getting there, and if there’s some tasty grazing along the way, you might take a detour. But most horses will even make it abundantly clear to you when you miss an opportunity to get back there quicker…just like GPS, only without the annoying, know-it-all voice!!!!
I like the instant clean option as well as the self cleaning sheath (I’m still paying my vet to do it!). This would include, or course, automatic detangling and trimming of mane and tail.
Maybe an anti-spook device like anti-rollover devices in cars.
A nicker button, because I like it when he nickers at me!
Is a translator box to tell me what my horse is thinking too much to ask? Like “Jesus lady, stop yanking on my face” or “I like the banana cookies better”!
There is one of those riding simulators in my area. I have talked to people that say it really works! It can walk, trot, canter, etc., and makes noises when annoyed because you have done something wrong. His name is Simon. I have been meaning to make an appointment to try the canter before trying it on my horse (I’m pretty wussy).
Here’s a link:
http://www.theridingsimulator.com/Simon.htm
After re-reading the Simon info, I really need to make an appointment! I think it would really help with some of my fear issues.
Although their spelling could use some work, I love these guys’ sense of humor and creativity, LOL! Thanks for the laugh, Fugly! This was hilarious!
Surely even the most devoted of Parelli’s disciples would know this was all tongue-in-cheek and not for real….right?
Oh hell, who am I kidding? It’s the Internet. Yes, there ARE people out there that really are that gullible and painfully stupid.
Oh my gosh, the self cleaning sheath is the best idea yet.
You guys are awesome! There are some great ideas on here! The Matrix training is my favorite!!! I also agree with the poop into money or the fart bubbles, rainbow pee and cloud poop thing, margarita machine, auto clean, and auto hoof trim and teeth float.
I also suggest a “check engine” light for when something is about to go wrong. A panel on the side of the horse lights up, and you can check it to see what’s going on. “Left shoulder out,” “Cold coming on,” “Gonna pee,” “BUCK EMINENT.”
CleanStalls, you actually can train a horse to potty in one spot. I knew a lady who discovered this by accident. She kept her horse’s stall full of shavings but would turn him out at night. Then when she’d take him to a show his dingledorf would hang out but he wouldn’t pee and he looked awful in the lineup. When she put him in the trailer, he’d pee. It was full of shavings. She finally got to tihnking about it, and he never pottied outside of his stall. it turned out he would only potty where there was shavings. So to get him to pee at shows, she’d put shavings down on the ground and he’d pee on it. Maybe this behavior could be cultivated, like how people are able to train their cats to pee in the toilet or train apartment dogs to potty on those indoor grass things?
I like the Self Cleaning and ‘virus scan’ ideas. And Pause. GREAT idea.
And I’d love some sort of anti-lameness or cure-all… my mare is prone to abscesses and fun stuff like that.. :s
A damp good sound system, and a drinking fountain.
Dinaroar,
Shocks would be mainly for Skippy! only, lol! I have a Spotted Saddle Horse and he is an absolute DREAM to ride (his name is Dreamer, lol!)
Never ridden a Paso, but had a lot of time on Walkers! Definately want to try a Paso one day!
I had a really good laugh going over this until it occured to me that some riders are so bad they actually need this. I do wish people would learn to ride. Sigh. Big sigh.
Jennifer R. — or just tired of hearing people complain about their horses being less than perfect! Seriously, you want something that doesn’t spook, EVER, ride a bicycle.
CleanStalls — House of the Scorpion is an AWESOME book! I loved it!
What would I install… Pause button, self-cleaning sheath, and self-cleaning horse are all great ideas, but I think a rewind/do-over button would be better. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought, “Now what the heck did I do THAT for?!”
i’m thinking ONSTAR would be nice. you can have a status update of the horses “workings” tested to your phone, or emailed to you. and if there are any lamness issues, it can tell you which foot and why. plus when you get dumped in the woods someone coudl be notified… ambulance, next of kin, that sort of thing. i also like the horse sweating fly spray, great idea! perhaps a sleep mode for when you go out of town, you know nobody will need to watch them if they are in sleep mode. and an MP3 player for tunes while you ride.
OOh and a collar that can transmit their thoughts into words. although i don’t always WANT to know what my horse is thinking, it might hurt my feelings.
Conversely, peanutpalomino, I have a device that can turn money into poop. But she’s not for sale. lol!
Gosh – suddenly my smooth gaited and usually cooperative lil Arabians seem to be lacking? LOL – Heck, I will take them just as they are – adventures included!
Fugs – that lil stud is a cutie, I’d love to upgrade (and geld) him! Only problems are money and time. X.x
stormygirl… I am with you on the vet check…plug her in and you get a print out of her issue, lame because the left front quarter was trimmed a bit to short… do this …and she will be fine…. She is not having a colic issue , just lazy today and wants to sleep… No impaction , just gas , walk it off, no meds necessary…trubleshoot button…got a splay hoof ? push the button and defect goes away. Disk drive , to upload programs..YEA my pony could do it all. DE- BEANER
for the boys. and while were at it … I want the same program for my husband.
Airbags.
It’s common for Thoroughbreds to be taught to pee on command…how else do they get urine samples for drug tests?
It’s not at all uncommon in England for people to teach even low level show horses to do it too, and then encourage them to take care of their business before going into the ring.
Has anyone taught them to poop on command? Make them go on the trail before putting them up
Jennifer R. et al: We’ve had some carriage horses that knew to pee on command, so they could go next to the storm drain or BEFORE the bride and groom come out of the church.
I was reminded of this thread yesterday while at work and not one, not two, but THREE different groups of school children came by with kids speculating on whether or not the carriage horses were real. “Oh, that’s a statue! No, it moved! It’s a real horse!” Or, “Is that real?” Or, “Those are robots!”
Sure. Sure they are. We just bring down realistic rancid horse pee scent to add atmosphere, and pay people to hold onto lead ropes connected to the robotic, computer-controlled, horse-simulators.
Air Con. I’d love it if my pony had a little fan attached to her withers, and possibly a heater to keep my toes warm on cold winter days.